You know what's terrible? Saturday night TV at the moment. If it isn't The Shout UK on BBC1 then it's Britain's Got Cowell Wanking Into £50 Notes on the other side. What it misses, apart from TV Burp, is Take Me Out. I've pretty much got over the fact it's not on any more - the meds are helping. But we could all do with a quick fix couldn't we? So, like a junkie not going cold turkey, allow us to give you just one little hit of sweet Take Me Out - an interview with some of the boys from the last couple of series. How was their experience on the show? How were the girls? How was Paddy? How long ...

Fourteen weeks. Three and a half months. 7th January 2012 was the first episode of this series and I'd wager it lasted far longer than anyone's New Year Resolutions. But now here we are, at the end. But not before Sir Paddy McGuinness guided us through a mammoth 90 minute blow out spectacular. Did all the girls leave their lights on for the whole show for a free hol? Did Lucy finally fix her plinth and get her light working? Did those two twins have a fight, as they've done sod-all up to now? Let's find out. The ladies came out looking ravenous with looks of determination - determination to find dates. Lucy is just waiting for that perfect guy to come ...

"There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind, that letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life." Now, I'm not saying that the end of the series of Take Me Out is the same as the end of the world. But it might as well be. We have but one more show this series, and then that's our Saturdays ruined - to be filled with a relentlessly sob-story-filled deluge of rent-a-cruise performers judged by a parade of smarmy, condescending, something rotate-a-chair toss baskets. Or something. So let's cherish what we have. Here, we go. Our first fella was Dickensian Viscount Accused of Murdering ...

I'll have to admit, last week I perhaps went off a little too soon. I thought we had reached the sticky climax of Take Me Out. But it seems I was wrong. Saturday's latest instalment was merely the penultimate penultimate episode. And I was more excited than ever for the late 9.20 kick off, hoping for swearing, gratuitous nudity and perhaps some violence. All the single ladies seemed more sparkly than usual and there was one new girl that had a story to tell. Lucy G once kissed her sister's ex-boyfriend. "Oooooooh," said the crowd in a judgemental hum. "I also once tried to kiss my sister's current boyfriend." revealed Lucy G "Trollop!" yelled the audience, in the bits edited out, I assume. Our first ...

Saturday was St Patrick's Day and as such, the national welcomed its own St Paddy into their homes with his own Paddy's Parade...of women that is! Oh ha ha ha. Honestly, you'll miss these intros when the series ends. Our first lad was Generic Topman Fella #375, Mikey from Wrexham with a voice like a children's TV presenter desperately clinging onto his job. He did easily cling onto all 30 lights and seems genuinely embarrassed about that. He received compliments about his knees - you know what they say... er... knees. Our Mikey is a scuba diving instructor in the Bahamas, which might make dating some lass from Yorkshire a bit awkward. However, he is only there for six weeks at a time, which got our ...

As Confucius once said: “Take Me Out is on”, so let’s get to it. Was the first lad out of Paddy’s Love Lift good enough for our 30 ladies? We find out as back-flipping-face-of-a-ten-year-old Ben from Leeds introduces himself. He initially only loses four lights, but kept the attention of bubbly Stephanie and new girl Alex – who thinks that being able to do a backflip should be enough for a career as a child’s entertainer “dressed up like a little clown”. Ben is a tumbler for Team GB which does go down well with some of the girls who are nothing if not stringently anti-Olympics. Ben loves jumping about. Constantly. And he also dances like, well, someone who can't dance. Jude ...

Take Me Out - visually and verbally assaulting your Saturday nights in its own special way. Once again, our bevvy of beauties are paraded out; notable presences include Charlie, Gracie, Charlotte, Lucy's Breasts and Lucy. But did any of them find love? And how does one win the heart of a Take Me Out lady? Well, if it's Nicki dnt txt 2 much, or use txt spk lyk this. She h8s it. lol. Our first man was Generic Looking Lad #34, Michael from Liverpool. Being a young lad from Liverpool he's a bit of a "cheeky chappy." Jade strokes his head. Sorry if that sounds like I've skipped to next week's date update, but it happened. Michael is a cash machine engineer ...

As Franz Ferdinand (the band not the Archduke) once said, 'Take Me Out'. So, er, let's Take Me Out. Or something. The lasses were brought out by Mr Guinness - all legs, cleavage and dreams of finding Mr Right; we've only a handful of episodes left, so they really need to bag themselves some kind of man soon. Any man. Just a man. Maybe Lad One is a "man" or some kind? Lee from Belfast is the most Northern Irish sounding contestant yet on this series and he certainly charmed our lasses and kept all 30 lights, including Bubbly Stephanie who still hasn't taken a breath yet this series. Lee is a physio and a semi-professional footballer. As is traditional for Take Me Out, ...

Bolton's favourite son, Paddy McGuinness, kicked off another episode of Take Me Out by chatting to some of the lovely ladies - including Stephanie, who would definitely describe herself as 'bubbly' if she ever took out a lonely hearts ad. Stephanie, as well as being a paramedic and a farmer, is also a barmaid, and if she had to date a drink it'd be "a pint of Buttcome". Buttcome? Butt. Come. Let's move on, rapidly. Our first lad was Liam who swaggered himself out like Jagger to that song by Maroon 5, er, Jagger something. Liam has caught Stephanie's eye and he'd love to go to her farm to "try out a couple of tractors". I assumed this was slang for ...

Paddy McGuinness was back again to present the first post-Damion Take Me Out of the series, and we'll see how he was murdered by Holden-alike Chelsea later. First out of the love lift was white-trousered, earringed, nautical-themed Amar from Lahnndan. He's described as 'reem' - can we please make 'TOWIE' fuck off and stop infiltrating art like Take Me Out? Anyway, Amar is an architect student and helps out in his brother's newsagent but loses a lot of lights because of his nipple-waxing tendencies. He also uses a sunbed. Now, treading carefully, his name is Amar. His need of a sunbed could be described as minimal.  Sophie likes him as they have something in common - they both have families. However, ...

It’s Saturday night and time for a nation to once again step into the Love Emporium that is Take Me Out. Paddy McGuiness welcomes the girls into the studio - all smiles, breasts, legs, tit-tape, hopes and dreams. Our first hopeful fella is dreadlocked, MC-Hammer-trousered Andy from London. He grooves his way down to a Bob Marley track - sometimes stereotypes are there for a reason – and then begins by losing half of his lights. He hasn’t impressed one of our favourites, Lucy, but Wiganion Bec - another one growing on us every week - is still up for it with our Andy. His VT is up next and shows that he’s also a street campaigner for Greenpeace. Honestly, stereotypes WORK. ...

It's Saturday night, so once again we enter the dating coliseum: JLS blasts out as the endless stream of blurred-into-one girls shimmies down the stairs, Wonderbras and hair extensions flying. Gracie explains that she wants a man with flab to blow raspberries on. Jade’s never left her light on, because she wants a skinhead. Fingers crossed for a member of the BNP leaping out of the love lift, crying “no whitey, no likey”. Our first man picks a generic club banger as his entrance music, proving he has zero personality. Ah, Tony of Essex. With your designer stubble and tight white jeans, you’ve kept all thirty lights on. Jade, our skinhead fan, has left her light on, in the hope that she ...

It was a week where I don't think there was any Take Me Out news in the tabloids, so we cracked straight on with Paddy McGuiness curiously starting the show with a vague football theme. I was half expecting the girls to all come out wearing football kits, which would be undeniably attractive, but they didn't. Paddy kicked off the show with Olly from Manchester who had arms like trees and justifiably retained all thirty lights. The girls were practically drooling over lucky Olly, before madcap Bainsey launched an astonishingly awkward chat up technique. "Olly, what time is it?" "Er, it's, er... " "It's time I got to know you better!" Good Lord, Bainsey, no wonder you're single. Olly's video package shows that he's a personal ...

What a week it's been for Take Me Out. SEX SCANDALS! ESCORTS! Okay, that's it - but frankly that's enough. Aaron and Wen, who headed off to Fernandos together were both revealed to be escorts! So they'll have something in common... but it's ruined all my plans for several 'Wen/When' puns, as their date is entirely edited it of this week's show. The girls come out and Paddy gets chatting to some, including Ashleigh, whose most romantic date was an all-you-can-eat buffet. And that's how the 'flirty thirty' will hopefully be for our first gentleman - walking smug-machine, Olly, from London. A fair few lights are left on, including Sophia who thinks that the classic shirt-jacket + jeans look is "very smart." ...

IT'S BACK! After months of darkness on Saturday night returns our favourite: Take Me Out. Paddy McGuinness (who else?) is of course still presiding over the show where 30 single ladies demand to be impressed by single gentlemen who are after the sweet-embrace of a woman. Over the course of the next few weeks, we'll learn the girls' names but for now there are 21 yeses,  3 maybes and 6 nos. Paddy introduces us to some of the ladies; Gracie (northern, glasses, maybe mental); Bec (Wiganian); and Wen (date machine). First hapless lad was Ben, dressed like a robotic TOWIE resident from the future in a chrome suit. He ladies all leave their lights on, until his video. Ben flaunts the amazing house he lives in with ...

Have you seen ITV1’s Saturday evening line-up recently? Since the fiX-Factor has finished, it’s clogged up with repeats, Westlife and, inexplicably, It'll be Alright on the Night . You know what we at Shouting at Cows miss? We miss Sir Paddy McGuinness overseeing the dating-show revolution that sees 30 of the lands finest women pass judgment over male contestants. We miss Take Me Out. And we’re sure you do too. Aside from re-reading last years' recaps, we thought we’d catch up with some of the ladies from the last series of the show to get an insight into what makes Take Me Out happen and what’s happened since. This should whet the appetite ahead of Take Me Out series 3, which ...

So, this is it. Since 11th December last year, we have been treated to the pinnacle of Saturday night television. But now, after 14 episodes, we are at the end. And this week, there is no Lucy, Peggy, Heidi or Samantha. What the hell is going to happen? Well, something must do, as it’s on for nearly an hour and a half. First off, the Scat twins have moved apart while sporting different looks. It’s taken 14 weeks to figure that out. As it’s the last chance for love, how many more lights will stay on? Let’s crack on. Out first lad is Dan from Warrington who is impossibly good looking, the bastard. Thirty lights on. Frankly, unless his video reveals he has the hands of ...

The comedian Ernie Kovacs once said: "Television: A medium - so called because it is neither rare nor well done." Ernie had obviously never seen Take Me Out, which makes sense, as he died in 1962. We head into this episode in a post-Lucy world. How will we cope? One of the Scat twins has a new look so they don’t appear so ‘twinny’, but will this new technique help? Will Peggy ever leave her light on? Where the frig has Heidi gone? Lad numero uno is Anthony from Manchester, a boyish imp. He loses one light: Peggy. Obviously. He does ice-skating, salsa dancing, magic and is certainly straight. Samantha, carving herself a niche as the New Lucy, has her light turned off ...

John Logie Baird invented the television, and now, FINALLY, after some 80 years his goggle-box machine is paying off, because Take Me Out is on! We are told that Lucy has left her light on 29 times out of 44 lads on the show. Peggy just twice. I’m surprised it’s that low! Our first lad is a skinny Ray Winston, Dave from ESIIIX. Every light stays on. In his video, David is shown doing ‘water-robics’ with old ladies.  It’s OK, he runs a fitness centre, he’s not some nut case. He also runs a soccer school for kids. Light off from Laura – “I don’t do kids”. For his talent, Dave balances stuff on his chin. Seriously.  First a chair, then a ladder, ...