The nightmare is almost over; the horrifying conclusion is upon us. Which epic loser will Cara risk £50,000 on? By this point in proceedings it is fairly obvious that it's all about the money, as there is zero chemistry between any of them. Except, perhaps, finalists Dean and Danny. So far, Cara has thrown out five gays and four straights, suggesting that the finalists should be half and half. The finalists are Danny, Dean, Sam and the charming Sven. The morning following the last eviction Cara and the finalists gather to eat the breakfast of champions, which Jameela Jamil ruins by turning up to remind everyone that someone is gay. For the first challenge of the final the boys have to ...

It's the Playing it Straight semi-final; the nightmare is almost over.  Cara came to Spain to find her perfect man, and so far she has only found a bunch of fools. Tonight, she has to decide which of these fools she will take through to the finale. This week, the boys will be tested on their metrosexuality, which apparently involves all the qualities that a modern man should possess, such as hair care and the planning of dinner parties. Cara splits the boys into two teams and despatches them to the local market where they encounter problems with not understanding Spanish, numbers or how to do shopping. Once back, the teams set out their meals and get dressed up all smart. ...

It may be that there's only so much you can take of a sexuality-based dating show, and you may find the idea of attempting to reduce people to just their sexual orientation distasteful. If this is the case, then this is not the show for you. It is the 6th episode, and the boys have gone camping in the Pyrenees. 'It's like Center Parcs,' declares Ben gaily. No Ben, it's the mountains. In case anyone is still confused, the point of this challenge is to allow Alan to make lots of jokes about camping and also to reinforce as many stereotypes as possible about real men doing manly outdoor things. In short, if a man can use a compass and pitch a tent ...

It's episode five already, and hopefully by this stage Alan Carr has run out of gay-based puns. Apparently this is Arts week, and the boys have headed off to the Salvador Dali museum to culture up. Danny and Dean seem to be bonding at an alarming rate. COULD THEY BE GAY???????? That's enough culture for one day, it's onto a challenge. This challenge involves sketching some nudes; cue childish sniggering. Obviously if the men look at the male model's cock, they are gay. Sam is skirting around the issue of the lady-garden, and Sven is inspired by an episode of Buffy. Sadly there's no art to see here, move along sketching fans, there's nothing for you. Now the half hour ...

It's back to gay-stereotype land (otherwise known as Spain) for another episode of awkwardness and completely absent sexual tension. That's right- it's Playing it Straight! Last week Cara sent Andrei home. This was unfortunate as he was straight, but also fortunate as he was creepy. This week's episode comes to us from 'the gayest beach in the world', according to Alan Carr (for budget reasons, this is also in Spain). The first challenge involves the boys standing on a podium as the locals inspect them and decide, entirely based on looks, whether they are gay or straight. This is of course very scientific. Everyone on the beach seems to enjoy it though, which is the main thing. 'I definitely think Sven is ...

Welcome, fellow reality TV voyeurs, to episode three of Playing it Straight. This week at the villa the boys will be tested on their straightness by their ability to unfasten a lady's bra. A test, perhaps, that would leave quite a few members of the male population fumbling all over the place. That's right! It's sex week! The boys have to de-bra four ladies in the quickest time while wearing goggles. 'I know about these bras,' shouts Andrei in one of the girl's faces as he claws at her back, 'they're stupid.' Luckily, unlike Sven, he doesn't punch one of the girls in the stomach. The winner of the contest is Dean, proving that he is possibly the most sexually experienced of the boys. ...

There are nine possigays left, and Cara faces another week of inane challenges and faux romance. True to form the group immediately head off to a sausage museum to celebrate 'Spanish Week.' 'I love sausage,' declares Cara with not a hint of irony, 'what's your favourite sausage?' Dean, to whom that latter remark was directed, tries to show as little enthusiasm for sausages as possible. Back at the villa the boys split into teams and battle to make their own gourmet sausage while Cara observes. Presumably the rationale behind this madness is to see who is the most adapt at sausage handling. 'You are very good at this,' Cara accuses Danny, 'have you done this before?' She then goes on to accuse others ...

Single girl Cara has come to Spain to meet 11 of Britain's most eligible bachelors. Unfortunately, as in real life, some of them are gay. Cara has to work out which ones are straight; if she picks a gay man then he will win all the prize money. Yes, of course, there's money involved. Now, my gaydar is horrendous, but I am going to attempt to predict which of the participating gentlemen are gay. You can all point and laugh at me later.( I'm assuming it's roughly 50/50 gay/straight.) Evening kicks off with the guys waltzing up the villa bearing a gift for Cara.... FLETCHER, 20- He likes bums, and presents Cara with some condoms. They're not extra safe, but I still ...