In the tradition of this type of Christmas film as soon as I saw Matthew Broderick happily wander into the film, happy in his dull career and horrible house, I knew that he was in for trouble. Broderick clings to the edges of career obscurity playing an optometrist married to Charlotte from Sex and the City, which must be pretty confusing. They live in one of those giant plastic looking American looking houses, which Matthew likes to decorate with Christmas lights in military fashion. He was scarred for life by his father's lacklustre approach to the festive season. They didn't even have a tree. Matthew recounts this touching story to Charlotte as they prepare for bed and she is so ...

This is a guest post from the Renford Rejects' fictional @Bruno_Di_Gradi 1996 then, eh? It’s difficult to believe that’s fifteen years ago, but it is. Where does the time go? Same place as my dad’s hair, I think. Anyway, in December 1996 I was ten years old, and I was very, very excited, because it was my birthday, and then a fortnight later it would be Christmas. After unwrapping my presents, my parents asked me what I wanted to do for a birthday treat. Several things came to mind, yet they were instantly rejected by my parents, who always have been a pair of goody-two-shoes. Fifteen years on, I still wonder exactly which part of wanting to lick champagne off Philippa Forrester’s ...

On the list of all-time worst screen ideas, up there with a proposed script for Jurassic Park 4 that saw the dinosaurs wielding guns, is the Star Wars Holiday Special. There has never been a more devastating example of something created from the title down, and I'm including Snakes on a Plane and Big Tits Dragon. I am still weak, shaken and broken having watching it. Dry, white salts are stinging my cheeks from my uncontrollable weeping, hoping for over a hundred minutes for it to just end. My jaw is aching from trying to gnaw my own eyes out of their sockets. I'm going to have to format my hard drive to purge the video from my laptop. The Star Wars Holiday Special has ...

Scrooged (1988) Dir. Richard DonnerStarring Bill Murray. Sorry, what? I have to write more than that? People need more reason than ‘Bill Murray’ to watch a film?! Bunch of dicks. From the title, you may realise that the premise of the film is quite similar to that of Charles Dickens’ ‘A Christmas Carol’. You will be right in this assumption. And well done to you. I may be a bit moody by the way, but I’m still reeling at the fact that I have to write more than ‘Bill Murray’. Seriously. So Bill plays the character Frank Cross, a high-flying TV executive, who’s working on the live adaptation of A Christmas Carol airing on Christmas Day. Frank is a cold hearted, mean bastard, ...