Scrooged (1988) Dir. Richard DonnerStarring Bill Murray. Sorry, what? I have to write more than that? People need more reason than ‘Bill Murray’ to watch a film?! Bunch of dicks. From the title, you may realise that the premise of the film is quite similar to that of Charles Dickens’ ‘A Christmas Carol’. You will be right in this assumption. And well done to you. I may be a bit moody by the way, but I’m still reeling at the fact that I have to write more than ‘Bill Murray’. Seriously. So Bill plays the character Frank Cross, a high-flying TV executive, who’s working on the live adaptation of A Christmas Carol airing on Christmas Day. Frank is a cold hearted, mean bastard, ...

Extreme Christmas Lights, C4 Britain may be getting poorer, but it's certainly not getting darker. According to this Channel 4 documentary anyway, which poses the question, 'who will be the king of Christmas lights?' Will it be karaoke DJ Paul, who will be lighting up his Mother's bungalow this Christmas? 'I get Christmas off you anyway. You've created a monster,' 36 year old Paul accuses his Mother as he hatches plans to take over not only her home for the Christmas period but the entire street. He spends around £15,000 on lights and is helped by his friend Chris. Bristol brothers Paul and Lee are also setting up their festive display. They have been covering their Mum's house with lights for the last ...

Comedy is very important to me, as I like to laugh. Yes, despite what you all may think, I am not a bitter old hag with dried up tear ducts and an empty urine bag for a heart. Here are five comedies that I bloody love (I may have forgotten one or two vitals, for that please try not to castrate me, instead nod and smile, occasionally pat my head). Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2008) Dir. Adam McKay If you’re looking for a perfect example of brilliant comedic characters, this film is full of them. Every single character, from Ron Burgundy to his dog Baxter, are all wonderfully written. This film is probably the most quotable film in history. Scream ...

Well kids, it's been exciting, disturbing and sometimes touching. We've spent the last eight weeks laughing at their seemingly boundless stupidity and pitying their girlfriends. Now, however, one lucky Tool is going to be given £25,000 for doing little more than turning up and trying not to look too idiotic. IT'S THE TOOL ACADEMY FINAL! The remaining Tools (Houdini, Power and Idle) let off steam with their girlfriends in a tool shed (no, not like that). Leon lets slip to Emma that Mo has revealed a dirty secret: 'Mo's got a silver tongue...it's about sleeping with one girl and two hours later sleeping with his missus.' Of course Emma has to spill the details to Mo's girlfriend Kelsey, who immediately rushes off to confront him. Mo suspects that Leon has ...

For all the things that Daily Mail readers are known for - Goosestepping, irrational hatred and xenophobia - having a cracking sense of humour isn't one of them.  So we have absolutely no idea why the monkey-in-chief at Mail Online decided that running a Caption Competition would be a good idea.Here's a collection of some of the most recent competitions, and the rib-tickling responses that their readers have suggested.  In the interests of fairness, we're not cherry-picking the absolutely dogshit ones that have been "disliked" by readers, we're only collecting the ones that appear on the Best Rated page.  The cream of the crop.  The funniest of the lols.  The absolute steaming turds.  The wittiest combination of racism and inappropriately ...

This is a guest post from the brilliantly named @dailyexpresslol The Daily Express prides itself on being the self proclaimed "World's Greatest Newspaper", with its motto clearly a self-parody. Its front pages sound like a stereotypical old people's home daily conversation, focussing on just eight themes: The EU (42 times this year as a headline) Holidays (12 times) Health (52! times this year) Royalty (22 times) Death (36 times - 8 just on Maddie) Weather (21 times) ‘Scroungers’ (25 times) Money (85 times, with 33 being just on pensions) These eight topics represent 95% of the total front pages this year! The formulaic approach to these headlines is similar in language and style as well as the content. What they have in common though is that they prey on people's insecurities, right ...

My Big Fat Gypsy Christmas, C4 It is a truth universally acknowledged that you can never watch too many shots of a very young woman wrapped in 600 metres of tulle and squashed into an inadequetely sized car or carriage. This, at least, is what Channel 4 believes and is the only explanation for the reappearance of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding in the schedules cunningly re-packaged as something to do with Christmas. That's right; it's time to sound the TENUOUS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL KLAXON! The town of Rathkeale in Ireland is the prime destination for many Irish travellers for the festive season. As a result it sees a lot of Yuletide wedding action. This year sole gypsy wedding dress maker Thelma Dean ...

It’s the final Final! Two more hours of tedium and awfulness! Let’s do this! There’s no dancing from Dermot but there is Tulisa wearing not only shoes she can’t walk in but also a dress she can’t walk in. Time for a big group Sing-Song-Mime-Along which seems to be an advert for Now What Number Are We Up To? There’s 2Shoes! And The Risk! And Nu Vibe! And Misha! And Twee Janet! And Sophie HABBBBEEEEEEEBBBBIIIISSSS! And Goldie! What, Goldie? Yes. Even though she wasn’t in the live shows, Goldie was clearly one of the stars of the series so she’s back ahead of Jon Jo the soldier and hat botherer James. There’s also Lovely Johnny, Brassy Sammi and Biscuit Boy Craig and ...

The semi-final is upon us at last and it is hard to tell if the remaining Tools have made any discernible improvement. Just four couples remain; Idle Tool, Houdini Tool, Debt Tool and Power Tool. Will any of them ever become men? This week's class is HONESTY. Dr. Scott patiently explains that honesty is the strong foundation that a relationship is based on. Power Tool immediately starts blaming girlfriend Kelly's previous dancing occupation for their problems in order to distract from any Toolish behaviour that might previously have slipped under the radar. The other Tools are not so fortunate, and Idle Tool confesses to a full on affair. The good news is that in order to wring out the last drop of ...

So here we are. Ready for FOUR HOURS of X Factor Final action. Are we ready? I’m not sure. The final’s between 46 year old Amelia Lily, singing hairdresser Marcus and Little Mix, who Tulisa keeps trying to insist on calling Little Muffins which is surely not the way to go when they’re so sensitive about their weight. So yeah, any of them could win and no one really cares. Because no one’s been watching this year, there’s no big duets going on. Instead, the finalists have to duet with their mentors. This has only happened because Louis has no acts left and they’ve spent all their money hiring out Wembley for the weekend. Let’s get on it then. Poor Dermot’s dance ...

Here we are, the final of the Young Apprentice!  Finalists James and Zara are facing off to win a £25,000 trust-fund and the hearts of a nation. They’ll be making an online game and viral advert before pitching their idea to the patented Industry Experts.  The disinterested former firees are brought back, and we’re thrilled to see that Mahamed was allowed out to play.  They start with a briefing at game firm Mind Candy, one of those typically wacky tech firms with beanbags and board games, and a scruffy twat of an MD who hasn’t bothered to shave. James and team run through a bunch of terrible ideas: One where you stop a seagull ‘excreting’ on you.  Another where you see a ...

If you’re having fun over the festive period, then you probably haven’t given much thought to whether your partner is cheating on you.  In the world of Pick Me Up, if you don’t think your “man is doing the dirty”, then you’re just not looking hard enough. They’ve got in touch with a Private Investigator, who offers his top ten ways to catch a Christmas Cheat.  And honestly, they are absolutely mental.  They’re clearly not aimed at people who are, er, even a bit normal; it’s for thick scumbags who can’t work out why their fella goes out every night without explanation, or why gets anxious every time his phone beeps, or why he no longer demands sex every night.  These ...

Today's Daily Mail contains a Playboy advert disguised as a tetchy whinge about Lindsay Lohan - "So much for the big reveal! Lindsay Lohan's nude Playboy cover leaked online. Playboy bunny shaped chair covers her modesty." Curiously, they seem annoyed that Lohan isn't naked on the cover, or rather - she is naked, but you can't see anything. Obviously, Playboy aren't going to pay Lohan a billion quid or whatever the going rate is, and then give everything away for free on the front cover. The inside of the magazine could be 900 pages of close-ups of every single inch of her body, enlarged and Photoshopped so you can see every spot, mole and freckle. It'd be enough to send the ...

The Ultimate Guide to Penny Pinching, C4 In case you didn't already know, there's a recession on. While most of us flounder around wasting our money on buying actual things we want for the actual price they cost, there are people who have beaten the system. I sit back with my note pad and prepare to learn some serious pro-tips. 39 year old Judith is addicted to money off coupons. We follow her on a typical shop, where she needs to buy bread, cheese and fourteen bottles of vitamin water. When Judith says 'buy bread' she actually means buy ten loaves in order to use her all her money off vouchers. Judith gets £43 of shopping for £11. This would be an ...

Welcome to number 1 in a series of 1 of the Greatest Men Who Have Ever Lived. But not the ones who cured diseases, ended wars, saved lives or forced change for good. Oh no. Who wants to read about them? Here I’ll celebrate those great men whose existence made the world a more interesting place. The men who when you read their obituary will make you think “Huh – I’m surprised he didn’t die sooner”. So, let’s get this show on the road… Number 1 – John ‘Mad Jack’ Mytton (1796 – 1834) John Mytton was a wealthy Englishman in Shropshire and was also an MP – but we’ll come onto that later. He started his life of really not giving a fuck ...

If you're a tool now is the time to hide behind the sofa, because the Academy is back for another week of classes. Which Tool will fail, and be sent home to be an epic loser forever? It is morning, and the Tools are awoken by a tiny guru 'omming' in the middle of their dormitory. Openly referring to him as 'wee man' might not be the best way to proceed when dealing with someone who might have actual real powers, but the Tools have just woken up so we'll forgive them. They probably think it's a dream. Once they've changed into their spiritual harem pants and headed outside they are joined by their girlfriends. Kelsey, Houdini Tool's lady-friend, appears distressed, ...

It’s the candidates’ day off, so they play catch in the garden in front of a camera crew, like they always do. Unexpectedly, Lord Sugs turns up and tells them that the next task will be “corny”. Literally! They’re making popcorn! These will be pitched to an airline, a cinema and a supermarket, and the team with the most sales win. Oh, the losing team will be fired entirely, and one of the winning team will go as well. Harsh, man. James is with Zara and Haya, and is made PM after Haya decides not to bother with the job, and votes for him. They decide on a Mediterranean theme, but can’t come up with a name. Popcorn Popcorn was one inspired ...

The Republican party are currently having polls to decide who is going to run against Barack Obama in the forthcoming US Elections. Now the Republican Party is quite mental at the best of times, but this year, it’s even more absurd. The main reason for this is because Barak Obama and the incumbent Democrat Party destroyed the Republicans in 2009. And I mean DESTROYED. The sheer volume of seats the Republicans would need to win is so vast, that even if God himself ran for the Republicans, he’d still probably fall a couple of swing states short. Obama is suffering highly in opinion polls, but realistically, no-where near enough to foreseeably lose the election. Because of this, no half decent ...