In the tradition of this type of Christmas film as soon as I saw Matthew Broderick happily wander into the film, happy in his dull career and horrible house, I knew that he was in for trouble. Broderick clings to the edges of career obscurity playing an optometrist married to Charlotte from Sex and the City, which must be pretty confusing. They live in one of those giant plastic looking ...

This is a guest post from the Renford Rejects' fictional @Bruno_Di_Gradi 1996 then, eh? It’s difficult to believe that’s fifteen years ago, but it is. Where does the time go? Same place as my dad’s hair, I think. Anyway, in December 1996 I was ten years old, and I was very, very excited, because it was my birthday, and then a fortnight later it would be Christmas. After unwrapping my presents, my ...

On the list of all-time worst screen ideas, up there with a proposed script for Jurassic Park 4 that saw the dinosaurs wielding guns, is the Star Wars Holiday Special. There has never been a more devastating example of something created from the title down, and I'm including Snakes on a Plane and Big Tits Dragon. I am still weak, shaken and broken having watching it. Dry, white salts are stinging my cheeks from ...

Scrooged (1988) Dir. Richard DonnerStarring Bill Murray. Sorry, what? I have to write more than that? People need more reason than ‘Bill Murray’ to watch a film?! Bunch of dicks. From the title, you may realise that the premise of the film is quite similar to that of Charles Dickens’ ‘A Christmas Carol’. You will be right in this assumption. And well done to you. I may be a bit moody by ...

Extreme Christmas Lights, C4 Britain may be getting poorer, but it's certainly not getting darker. According to this Channel 4 documentary anyway, which poses the question, 'who will be the king of Christmas lights?' Will it be karaoke DJ Paul, who will be lighting up his Mother's bungalow this Christmas? 'I get Christmas off you anyway. You've created a monster,' 36 year old Paul accuses his Mother as he hatches plans to ...

Comedy is very important to me, as I like to laugh. Yes, despite what you all may think, I am not a bitter old hag with dried up tear ducts and an empty urine bag for a heart. Here are five comedies that I bloody love (I may have forgotten one or two vitals, for that please try not to castrate me, instead nod and smile, occasionally pat my head). Anchorman: ...

Well kids, it's been exciting, disturbing and sometimes touching. We've spent the last eight weeks laughing at their seemingly boundless stupidity and pitying their girlfriends. Now, however, one lucky Tool is going to be given £25,000 for doing little more than turning up and trying not to look too idiotic. IT'S THE TOOL ACADEMY FINAL! The remaining Tools (Houdini, Power and Idle) let off steam with their girlfriends in a tool shed (no, not like that). Leon ...

For all the things that Daily Mail readers are known for - Goosestepping, irrational hatred and xenophobia - having a cracking sense of humour isn't one of them.  So we have absolutely no idea why the monkey-in-chief at Mail Online decided that running a Caption Competition would be a good idea.Here's a collection of some of the most recent competitions, and the rib-tickling responses that their readers have suggested.  In ...

This is a guest post from the brilliantly named @dailyexpresslol The Daily Express prides itself on being the self proclaimed "World's Greatest Newspaper", with its motto clearly a self-parody. Its front pages sound like a stereotypical old people's home daily conversation, focussing on just eight themes: The EU (42 times this year as a headline) Holidays (12 times) Health (52! times this year) Royalty (22 times) Death (36 times - 8 just on Maddie) Weather (21 times) ‘Scroungers’ (25 ...

My Big Fat Gypsy Christmas, C4 It is a truth universally acknowledged that you can never watch too many shots of a very young woman wrapped in 600 metres of tulle and squashed into an inadequetely sized car or carriage. This, at least, is what Channel 4 believes and is the only explanation for the reappearance of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding in the schedules cunningly re-packaged as something to do ...

It’s the final Final! Two more hours of tedium and awfulness! Let’s do this! There’s no dancing from Dermot but there is Tulisa wearing not only shoes she can’t walk in but also a dress she can’t walk in. Time for a big group Sing-Song-Mime-Along which seems to be an advert for Now What Number Are We Up To? There’s 2Shoes! And The Risk! And Nu Vibe! And Misha! And Twee Janet! ...