This is a guest post from Craig, who runs the self-explanatory 80snostalgia.com, and uses the Twitter machine on @80snostalgia. Why the 80s were better than the “nows”. The 80s were better that nowadays for so many different reasons.  One such reason is because they had a proper decadey-ness to their title.  What do people call this current decade?  The 10s?  That is rubbish!  Another reason that the 80s were better was that beer was cheaper.  I was 16 at the end of the 80s, and so I obviously hadn’t experienced beer, but rumour has it that beer was great AND cheaper than nowadays. Films were better. Modern day films are all fake.  They look great but virtually all the special effects are CGI and most of the sets don’t actually exist; the actors ...

This week I watched... Undercover Boss, Ann Summers, C4   It is pretty depressing when the highlight of an hour long show is the preview for the following episode. Next week, the boss of Southern Fried Chicken seems incredulous that he sells cheap chicken to drunken people at 2am. It looks AMAZE. Focusing back on this week, however, we have vibrators. CEO Vanessa Gold has gone undercover to try and work out how to shift more overpriced vibrators, along with the scratchy nylon knickers and sexy nurse costumes that make up the stock of Ann Summers. Profits are apparently falling. Still, I don't think Vanessa and fellow CEO, sister Jacqueline, have anything to worry about. You can never have too many vibrators. Vanessa shuffles timidly ...

Somewhere out there on the Internet is probably a forum for paedophiles to go and chat about the pressing issues in the world of paedophiling. It’s not a stretch to imagine that one of them might take a camera with them on holiday.  See a young girl.  Make comments about the bikini she was wearing, and comparing her with her mother.  Watching her getting in and out of the swimming pool.  Sitting at a distance and using the zoom feature on his camera to get in close to take pictures of her.  The little girl – five or so years old – has no idea that she’s even being watched, as she looks at her red painted fingernails.  The man with the ...

The teams take an early morning jaunt to Enfield, and a giant tat warehouse.  They’ll be selling a palette of stuff worth £250 wholesale (£1,100 retail) picked out by Sugar, and then re-investing the profits in the bestsellers to make even more cash. The teams are jumbled once again, so Natasha leads Venture’s Susan and Jim, while Helen, Project Manager Melody and Tom make up Logic. Jim and Natasha head out to Covent Garden, and try to flog giant umbrellas to tourists on a day that’s grey but definitely not raining.  Susan heads door-to-door in “fashionable West London”, and gets absolutely nowhere.  For some reason, everyone is at sodding work. Or they don’t want to answer the door and barter with a ...

Dear Rebekah Wade (Brooks-Kemp-Mitchell), As I don’t live under a rock, I have spent the last 24 hours following the horrific story that the News of The World (whilst you were editor) is accused of tapping the phone of murdered schoolgirl Millie Dowler, back in 2002. Now it appears that you had no idea this was going on, which seems odd, but hey, we’re all prone to extended memory lapses. I spent 3 years at University, and I don’t remember much more than bumbling my way through an auditorium in an ill-fitting hat and picking up a Politics degree that I still haven’t used. Now you’re not alone. Andy Coulson, who was editor from 2003 to 2007, was forced out of his ...

Wahay! Summer is here! Many months now follow for one to indulge in all those British activities we prioritise in this favoured season. Such as drinking in beer gardens. And slightly inebriated barbeques. And drinking Pimms. And drunken antics at festivals…….Alright, in general we do exactly the same as we do in winter; just outside. If there’s one thing the British love fulfilling, it’s a stereotype. But as the philosopher and gent Damon Albarn once lamented, ‘oh stereotypes, there must be more to life’, and you know what? He’s right. There are scores of things to do this summer, in particular: sports and recreation! As the country that invented tennis, cricket and Ultimate Frisbee, we know a thing or two ...

Reality TV shows have been clogging up our TV output like a Big Mac through an American's arteries for over a decade now, and they show no sign of going away. They have a new breed these days - the 'reality' show, such as Made in Chelsea or The Only Way Is Essex  - or TOWIE as it's called by pricks. These shows are mostly scripted or staged, rather than your run of the mill braindead wave-a-camera-at-an-idiot show. How refreshing then to see Geordie Shore - a reality show that, it appears, to not be staged or scripted - at least not to extent of Made in Chelsea or TOWIE . Geordie Shore is the UK version of the US mega successful MTV ...

Love's Kitchen aims for the middle-weight romcom market but got drunk before it pulled the trigger and fired the bullet into its own foot. These kinds of unchallenging romantic comedies stick quite rigidly to 'the formula' and try and win the audiences over with a charming cast, witty jokes or boobs. The fact that this film appeared to forget that there even was an audience means that I am forced to attempt to show the producers how they could have made a better film without risking the precious 'formula'. 1) Introduce the Characters We're welcomed into the film by our main character, Rob, a gourmet chef who works in a pub called The World's End. He talks over a montage of him ...

For years, internet-pop juggernaut Popjustice has employed Dumper, a 'work experience robot' and comic foil for editor Peter Robinson. Dumper started out writing a blog on the site about various has-been pop acts now relegated to the bargain bins of HMV. But his popularity really took off when he got his own Twitter account, detailing a pathetically typo-filled version of his increasingly tragic life: Onmy Way to my frinds' house for some Pancaks yum!! Thereis no nobodey ansewring thedoor maybe itis a trick likeOn my bithday when theySaid 'wewil be in nadno's' so iwent there but theywent boleing insted haha i wil just wait on thedoorstep for ten more minuets incase theyhave gone to,the shops,for suplies (egs, fluor Etc.!) Socold IM GOENGHOME Dumper has become a well-loved ...

This week I watched... Luther, BBC1 While exhibiting an interest in real life serial killers isn't going to endear you to anyone, especially not your fellow passengers when you're reading 'The True Story of Sex Killer Ted Bundy' out loud on the train, it's perfectly OK to spend six hours watching back to back episodes of CSI while texting 'Horatio found fingerprints in the vomit! LOL' to all your friends. Everyone enjoys a fictional serial killer, and by just episode three, the new series of Luther is pushing the serial killer boundary to envelop men in Punch masks dissolving children in acid (Luther stops him!), and maniacs rolling dice to decide whether or not to hammer commuters in the head. This is ...

Rather than sending the teams out to a tenuously related building, this week Lord Sugar wanders his way to Chez Apprentice to bother the candidates in person. He reveals that this week they'll be inventing and branding biscuits, then flogging them to supermarkets. Helen leads Jim and Natasha in this week's Team Venture, while Zoe looks after Tom, Melody, and Susan in Team Logic. By now, the teams have been swapped more times than car keys at a suburban party, and nobody really knows - or cares - which team is which. Zoe wants to be in the biscuit-tasting sub-team, but is shot down by professional pisser Melody, and ends up staying at home to do the branding. Melody's reward is three hours ...

DARLINGS! We’ve got two weeks to catch up on seeing as I jetted off to Cannes last week. Ok, ok, got the slow coach to Grimsby but y’know, same difference. RIGHT? So, to last week and Binky Cheshka and Ollie are excited about a masquerade ball and being able to find well fit dudes. Except as Ollie points out they’ll be wearing masks so you won’t be able to see if they are gorgeous. Cheshka is only interested in height as an indicator. And Ollie invites Needy Gabriella along which Binky and Cheshka totes think is a good plan yah. Meanwhile Douchelord Spencer seems to think the best way to win Caggie’s affection now is to be aloof and ignore her. Hugo ...

As we've discussed before, the Mail have a real problem with Online People, especially their "having opinions" and "not liking the same things as the Mail". Tedious journo Marianne Power has stepped up to battle the cyberwarriors, via the medium of guilt. In between pitiful sobs, she tells us: My friend Sarah was horrified at being described in a chatroom as 'facially hideous', 'ugly' and 'chunky' after her photo was used in an online article.   It would, of course, be cruel to brand someone chunky, pick on perceived ugliness or bang on about anything being "hideous". 'We are quicker to bully each other in chatrooms or on Twitter, as there is this notion that what happens online is all a bit of a game — ...

When you think of Titanic, you probably think of hugely elaborate set pieces, state-of-the-art CGI, a romance straddling the social class divide and characters that motivate us to yearn for their survival. Shane Van Dyke, the writer, director and star of Titanic II knows this, which is why he has decided to throw this delicious curve ball onto our screens with none of the above qualities. Titanic II is set in the futuristic world of 2012 where an enterprising American CEO has decided to build a (superficially) replica Titanic and launch it on the anniversary of the late, great ship's first day of service. The most terrifying thing about this film is that I could actually imagine this happening. Unlike the James ...

Did you know that freckle-balled media mogul Chris Evans is a racist? That’s right, a racist. A horrible, bigoted, UV-light-avoiding racist. That’s if you believe the Daily Mail, whose headline screams: Chris Evans in race row after saying he could not see black scientist in darkened studio. Crikey! Carrotty Chris Evans racially abused someone LIVE on BBC1 on their perennial bore-athon The One Show! So, what did the former Billie-botherer say? The N word? The C word? Did he refer to someone as being from BongoBongo Land? Not exactly. The presenter told Dr Maggie Aderin-Pocock, a highly respected space expert and government adviser: ‘I can barely see you, to be honest.’ OH MY GOD! He’ll be saying she’s a black as coal next. Wait. ...

Infectious laughter, buckets of charisma, slightly annoying to watch with a hangover; these are all traits we associate with the lord of children’s television, Dave Benson-Phillips. He was undistinguishable from my childhood. One would rush home from school to watch Get Your Own Back, and sit down for an afternoon of tomfoolery and hijinks, armed with the TV remote and a Fruit Pastille ice lolly. I mean, I always wanted a Twister, but my mum seemed to think that the Fruit Pastille lolly was better for you as it contained real fruit (it didn’t, bless her). That bastard popsicle was the bane of my life. They made a big thing on the advert how all the colours stay ...

This week I watched… Marriage Ref, ITV1 How ironic that, as I sit down to watch this charming light entertainment show, I have to clear a space for myself in the pile of magazines, laptops, balled up socks, Xbox controllers and empty yogurt cartons that my boyfriend feels it is appropriate to store on the sofa. ‘Well,’ I think, ‘we’ll have a massive argument about this later, one that will end with me crying because I sound like my mother. What I don’t think, and this is telling, is ‘if only Geri Halliwell and Jimmy Carr were here, to tell me what to do.’ Marriage Ref has been imported from the US, where even having Jerry Seinfeld as a producer, and guest panellists like ...

WHEN tragic turps-nudger Steve Bass was told he could visit the family home for the first time in 10 years - for Father's Day — the first thing he needed was a good wash. Alas, in his booze-soaked befuddlement, the 52-year-old clambered. naked into an industrial CARWASH and was horrifically mangled in its high-powered machinery. And on Friday, poor Steve succumbed to his ghastly injuries. Last night, estranged wife Valerie said: "It was his last chance. He'd not been seen shouting at Blackpool Tower for weeks and so I thought he could come in the house for the day. "With the Father's Day coming, I says to him when sees him at the social, 'come for your tea on Father's Day'. "His wee eyes welled ...

The teams are sent off to St. Pancras station (pronounced Pancreas by every one of the buggers), and Melody takes the opportunity to irritate her co-passengers by reeling off all the languages she's required to speak "at UN level". Susan knows "bonjour", which is an alright opening, really. Alan gives out his awful personal order books, so everyone can bicker over who technically closed each deal. Tom is told that he's Project Manager for Logic, while Susan runs Venture. The teams are given the chance to look over the products for sale. Awful tat, like a lamp shaped like a teapot, or a three hundred quid beanbag that turns into a bed. They're both drawn towards a car ...