I drive through town on the way to work, and there’s a lollipop lady that hovers by the pedestrian traffic lights. She wanders out into the middle of the road as though nobody knows what a red fucking light is for, and watches the kids and mums cross. Then she goes back and presses...
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Magazines seem to exist purely to tell you exactly how to live your life. To run you down and tell you how you’re failing, and then show how celebrities are either perfect, or completely shit. Or both, at exactly the same time. They’re never short of advice to give out, a top ten ways...
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Jeremy Kyle is the latest shit-stirring host to have his own talk show in the UK, following in the brave tradition of Trisha (from Trisha) and Vanessa Feltz (from Trisha). There is, of course, an exciting history of talk-shows, going all the way back to the first one, and continuing from there. The talk-show...
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I have a mortal enemy. I’ve never spoken to him, and he’s never even acknowledged that he’s part of my life. At best, he’s noticed me bowling past in my car a couple of times. He’s never actually done anything to me, he just exists. But that’s enough. God, that’s more than enough. He...
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Imagine, for a moment, that you’re not a bitter, twisted Internet type, and that you’ll be socialising with other people. Horrible thought, but stick with me. A bunch of people in your house, sitting on your sofas and drinking your booze out of your glasses. If you need a shower, we’ll wait here for...
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Over the course of nine years, Seinfeld became one of the most popular sit-coms of all time. Despite winning Golden Globes and more Emmys than you can fit in a hooker’s cock-pouch, Seinfeld never really gained the recognition that it deserved. Until now. New Sensations have finally seen the gap in the market. Sure,...
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When I chose a football team to support, it was a no-brainer. Coventry City were the closest team to me growing up, so I supported them. Unlike arsewipes like Paddy Kieltey and James Nesbitt, I didn’t just arbitrarily pick the team at the top of the league and bang on about “us” as though...
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I’ve been busy bothering Hecklerspray with words about Junior Apprentice on the BBC. Read and enjoy. Or read and don’t enjoy. Episode 5 is the best one. Episode 1 Episode 2 Episode 3 Episode 4 Episode 5 Episode 6
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Channel 4 have released a list of all the prospective Big Brother contestants. Here’s our ten favourite random facts, and ten favourite photos. Random Fact: Plays West Indian steel drums and says he’s the world sexiest fat man. Random Fact: Was a millionaire for 6 weeks after he sold his first company before the...
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