Have you got some old jewellery knocking about that you don’t want any more? Are you easily conned by daytime TV adverts starring Dale Winton? Great! You can just ping your priceless heirlooms into an envelope and fire them off to Cash4UpMyGold, and walk away with literally pennies. Lucky you.
There’s a better kind of Gold though. One that has taken over my diet and would possibly lead to an early death from morbid obesity, if it wasn’t for my overwhelming urge to purge myself clean after every binge. Things always taste better the second time, slightly warmer and covered in bile.
These are, of course, the Wispa Gold, which I wouldn’t vomit up to save your life. Because I’m horribly addicted to them. They’re like the worst possible impulse buy, stacking them up at the supermarket next to the tills because they know I’m weak and I can’t help but buy a couple, just in case they stop selling them.
“Oi!” we shouted at Cadbury, “these say limited edition. Are you gonna stop selling them?”
And Cadbury came back, and they said “Thanks for your e-mail about Wispa. We are always delighted to receive feedback and comments from our consumers.”
Which was nice of them.
So I bothered a real person there, an actual real person with a real job, who took time out of their day to talk to us, and they said this:
“Here at Cadbury, we’re big fans of Wispa. And Wispa Gold. So it’s pretty great you guys are too, otherwise we’d have a lot of Wispa on our hands. And caramel. So the more fanatical the better, really.” – Ross Farquhar, Brand Manager for Wispa.
Thanks Ross! We’re not just fanatical, we’re fatatical. See what we did there?
So to celebrate bothering Ross, we’ve clubbed together to pick up a box of Wispa Golds, that we’re torturing ourselves with by not even eating. It’s just sitting there, watching us. Watching us sob. That’s 48 bars of the bloody thing, more than enough for you to be sick of the sight of the things.
But that’s okay, we don’t have to: We’re giving it away. That’s right, we’re going to put them in the post and leave them at the mercy of the Royal Mail man, who will hopefully bring them to your house and not steal them, like they did with my birthday money from my grandad a few years back.
All you have to do to win, is, using 12 words or less (or 924 words or more), complete the following sentence:
“If I was locked in a room with 48 Wispa Golds and Ross Farquhar, Brand Manager for Wispa, I would…”
Leave your answer in the comments below with your e-mail address, which we’ll sell on to Chinese spammers and leave you spending the rest of your life filtering out crap offers for fake Rolexes. Or, lob your answer up on Twitter, using the HASHTAG #wispagold. The winner will be announced in a couple of weeks, or whenever the entries embarrassingly dry up.
Competition Closed. The winner has been notified. Have you been notified? No? You were shit, then.
