Should your date be exciting?

Advertising on the Internet is really bloody difficult to get right. This is why you’ve got a billion emails in your spam box with silly lies to make you open them – “Wanna look fantastic in that bikini? Be fit with us” right next to “Keep your manhood in good shape for you and for her as well!” Clearly going for the lucrative ladyboy market.

So, if you want to get noticed, it’s important to get your advert looking as exciting and alluring as possible, especially if you’re advertising something as shit as a personality test. Here’s a hint: I’m grumpy, tired and not that interested.

Ever noticed how dating, flirting and general “get cheap kicks from a stranger” adverts are always geared at men? Those late night chat and text lines always have young women in their pants wanting to laugand date right now. They never advertise for women to chat quietly with middle aged men whose wives have gone to bed.

Clearly a woman who looks like this finds it difficult to meet men on a day to day basis and relies on the readers of Football 365 for a relationship. (Hobbies: Arguing about the minutiae of transfer dealings and writing long sarcastic e-mails about John Terry.)

Aside from the fact that you’re less likely to be contacting someone like her on the site, and it’ll actually be someone who looks like Jade Goody (after 6 months decomposition), the most striking thing about the advert is the question at the top.

Should your date be exciting?

Should it be? Yes. Will it be? Probably not. Two socially-awkward strangers trying to find common ground over the noise of a busy pub. What is “exciting” anyway? Dinosaurs are exciting. Rollercoasters are exciting. Jumping out of a plane at 20,000 feet is exciting. Ill-fitting bowling shoes are not exciting.

The answer slider doesn’t make sense, either. Is it set to “not very exciting”? Does that mean doing something a bit exciting, but stopping before it really gets going, like looking at some drugs. Or doing something exciting, but in a rubbish place – a bungee jump in Staines. Or the opposite – going to Dubai and playing Connect 4 for three weeks.

Here’s a hint: If you’re taking a personality test to find out if a model will date you, the answer is probably already set. You may as well just download some porn. It’s less demeaning than failing a personality test, anyway.