One of my more pathetic hobbies is that after watching a film, I read through its IMDB page just to get wound up over the trivial shit that people care about. Seriously, I read it to be annoyed. My enjoyment of Patch Adams will be forever ruined now that I know that:
During the welcome scene at the school, the green folder on the desk/counter moves between shots.
I know, I’m sorry for ruining it for you. I’m also well aware that I can just avoid it if I want, but some of the big cock-ups are a bit interesting, sometimes.
IMDB is more than just an autistic collection of every minor mistake, it also contains every single piece of information you could possibly want about a film, whether you’d ever need to know it.
For example, did you know that the sound post-production intern on 1996 comedy epic Jack was called Ethan Derner – but he was uncredited? Course you didn’t. Who the sod cares about things like that? Except for Mama Derner, and presumably Ethan, who put it up there himself.
The most glaring omission from IMDB is that it doesn’t tell you is how the bloody film should be pronounced. Okay, not really an issue with almost every film ever released, apart from those ones with the titles all written in foreign. But you won’t go and watch them anyway, will you, you uncultured little yob?
Unfortunately for you, a proper film, with proper English people actors has come out with the title Synecdoche, New York. If you’re reading this a bit in the future, then the trailer will be in every advert break, Philip Seymour Hoffman will insincere his way through banal publicity interviews with Jonathan Ross, GMTV and Sky Sports News, and you’ll have heard the title so many times that Synecdoche is as normal a word as chair or bummery.
But back here in the past (or the cutting edge as I like to call it), we haven’t got a bloomin’ clue how to pronounce Synecdoche. Sign-dosh? Sin-ec-doosh? Okay, it’s not a word that comes up every day – except if you want to go to the cinema and actually see the thing.
See, if the unpronounceable word was at the end or in the middle of the title, you could get away with mumbling it and the ticket-seller would still be able to guess at what you’re banging on about. But because it’s right up there at the front and there’s no way to get round it. *mumble* New York makes you look silly.
So, what to do?
Walk in to the cinema, in a confused state – not particularly difficult, or unusual – and ask the nearest tickety person “hey, what’s good?” This offers literally more problems, like them not being able to pronounce it either, getting it wrong and you looking stupid later when you repeat them, or even just recommending a completely different film.
Alternatively, and this works better if you’re old, wander up, squint at the board like you’re trying to perfect x-ray vision and ask “what’s the film starting at 2. Sorry, I’ve forgotten my glasses. Honestly, I’d forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on!” Yes, you’ll probably get your ticket, but they’ll think you’re a tosser, hate you and put you right at the front next to the guy organising his ringtones for 124 minutes. And that number is exactly right. It says so on IMDB.
I’d never tell you to go and download a film, but all I’ll say is that BitTorrent doesn’t care how you pronounce it. And I’m going to pronounce it “New York”.
I hear there is a good reference tool for this sort of thing. It’s called the inter-something, I forget.