Nice tackle! Oh, er, not you.

Being the health nut that I so clearly wish I was, I ended up at a swimming pool the other day.  None of your Joe Public scrotes pissing in the shallow end for me though, this was a private swimming pool, for members only.  Yeah.  It, er, came attached to the hotel I stayed in so I, um, got in for free.  But that’s hardly the point, is it?

The point is, I was there, with my complimentary towels and lockers that you don’t have to put 20p in to prove you won’t steal the key.  As though 20p is a deterrent to anyone that’s determined to lock a locker and go home for whatever reason.

Anyway, in the swanky changing rooms – free hairdryer, too, which almost made me regret the short hair – there was a giant TV screen.  Behind a bit of glass so it didn’t get ruined, but a TV nonetheless.  And they were showing football on it.

Now when watching football, there’s a rule about noise.  There’s appreciative grunts when the ball hits the post, for example, or an “ooh” when someone takes a potshot from distance.

But at the same time, there’s rules in the changing room.  Even a pleb like me knows that.  Unlike a guy I used to work with who had no problem chatting to me at the urinals.  Don’t think about me while you’re touching… that.  You keep the noise to an absolute minimum.  It’s you and strangers naked in a room together, and frankly, nobody is that comfortable with themselves or each other.

So what do you do?  Do the rules of football watching overrule the rules of the changing room?  Clearly you can’t go all out and comment about someone making a good tackle while a hairy middle manager cleans his balls in front of you, but can you give an “ooh” for a good save?  I stayed quiet, it was for the best.

Just one more reason I shouldn’t be allowed in the real world.