It’s not wacky, you’re just an idiot

Comic Relief has come and gone in another haze of shameless self-publicity, rattling buckets and Graham sodding Norton. The overriding theme this year was “do something funny for money” (screw a fat prostitute?), but the real theme, as with every year, was to do something a bit wacky.

This entails normally very sensible people doing something a bit odd in the hope that it makes them hilarious. It doesn’t. Shaving half a beard off? Comedy platinum. Wearing a silly hat to work and then giggling your way through a meeting because – look – it’s got a flashing light: Not even a little bit amusing.

Describing yourself or your friends as wacky or any of the associated words; crazy; nutty; mad; mental, are all big flashing indicators that you really, really should be avoided.

Remember when “mental” meant “heard the voice of god and used it as a reason to kill”? Now it means “drank a couple too many pints of Stella, was sick down the front of HSBC and got into a fight with a traffic cone”. That’s not mental, that’s just weird.

The only exception is the Wacky Racers, and only because Dick Dastardly clearly had the fastest car (because he had time to go to the ACME shop, buy a bit of wood, paint it and wait for the other cars to slam into it) and still didn’t realise that he could have just won the race by driving and not cheating. Now that IS wacky.