How do you even name 14 babies?

That woman with the octuplets – babies all sort of look the same, don’t they, so how on earth do you tell 8 of them apart?  What if there’s a mix-up and Tom and Jim swap identities and then Jim becomes Brad and oh god which one of them is Max anyway?

Turns out she’s named them Noah, Malia, Isaiah, Nariah, McCai, Josiah, Jeremiah and Jonah, which implies that she’s just opened the Bible to a random page and decided “that’ll do”, resisting the temptation to call them “Andy, Brad, Carl, Derek…”, not least because Derek is an awesome name that Americans haven’t caught on to yet.

Surely though, naming your first-born is an amazing thing and they spent hours deciding what to call him.  Then, by the end, it’s just seeing what’s on TV and naming them “Rooney” because there’s football on.

Still, it doesn’t matter what they’re called, as they’ll definitely have a stable, happy upbringing and it won’t at all be completely mental.