It’s Halloween which gives blokes the chance to dress as something entirely unscary like Mo Farah, girls the opportunity to dress like “a slutty nurse/angel/slut” and for some banter-inspired lads to dress as whichever celebrity is in the news for sexual offenses.
It’s also a time where TV executives dig out their Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episodes.
Sadly, there aren’t many Halloween specials knocking about, so we thought we’d revamp ITV2’s output for them, free of charge. They are very welcome.
Peter Andre’s Undead Boyfriend Club
Dad of the Year Peter Andre tries to reason with three boyfriends who have all feasted on the entrails of their beloved girlfriends. Can the Mysterious Girl singer show them the error of their ways? Or will he end up as one of Them?
The Zombie Way is Essex
Zombies are introduced to the TOWIE world but their lust for brains are thwarted by the fact they’re looking for brains
The Xtra Factor
The X-Factor judges take distressing calls from victims trapped in a disused factory, surrounded by the crazed undead. They remain less depressing than Gary Barlow.
Celebrity Bodily Juices
Keith Lemon is sacrificed to a horde of the undead in order for Holly Willoughby and Fearne Cotton to make their escape into a world destroyed by a hellish disease. A special edition with extended coverage of Lemon’s blood-soaked demise will be available on the ITV Player, if you ever get it to fucking work.
Three mildly-cretinous friends have a queue of men waiting to be interviewed to win a possible date. However, little do the girls know that the entire queue is the walking dead, hell bent on devouring our three hopefuls in love.
Take Me Out: The Goresip
Mark Wright has been bitten. Can he keep the Rage at bay, as he attempts to interview Chloe-Marie and Lee about how their date went? Or will the feckless TOWIE-tosser end up ripping apart some of the Flirty Thirty?
Jeremy Kyle: USAaaaggghh
Verbal-vomit merchant Kyle brings his own brand of sickening lows to the home of crass TV, America, as he attempts to solve family problems through pitting people against one another for our entertainment. In this edition, Clariey-Anne accuses boyfriend Billy-Joe of murdering her best friend Chandel-Poppy and wearing her face like a mask. Will he DNA tests prove Billy-Joe’s innocence?