This is a guest post by Sofia Farelli
It’s no secret that trashy magazines – Closer, Reveal, Heat and their ilk – have the morals of a Catholic priest. They are comprised of sensationalised headlines speculating about the private lives of celebrities, using as few sentences as possible. If you take the time to look beyond the ridiculous headlines and intrusive snapshots, wipe your tears away and actually read the words in one of these rags you can then just despair for humanity. It really doesn’t get any better.I have previously explored my disdain.
Of course, as a struggling writer, if any of these rags offered me a job on the condition I sell my grandmother, I’d do it. Although that’s mainly because I have grand delusions that I could take these magazines down from within and teach them the wonders that I have learnt.
First would be the appropriate use of quotes. i.e. don’t attribute one person’s quote to someone else. You see it all the time; the little photo of the pained celebrity alongside the ‘I’M IN PAIN’ headline. The bikini before (a wobbly size 10) and after (a slim size 8) shots with ‘I LOVE MY NEW CURVES’ sitting next to it.
The quote marks are somewhat misleading or rather a massive lie. They so rarely ever come from the celebrity in question. A genuine quote would be far too much to ask of the Heat newsroom. Isn’t it always an insider, a pal, a source close to the celebrity? Where do they even find these low lives who would obliterate their friends and families’ privacy? And what’s even in it for them? Do they get money? Contacts? Baby body parts? Are they actual people or just pets who are having their eating habits interpreted?
THESE ARE THE REAL QUESTIONS THAT SHOULD BE ANSWERED.