Superbabies, the sequel to the universally panned Baby Geniuses, is genuinely terrifying.
Babies can talk, an effect achieved by recording an adult putting on a cutesy voice and then vaguely lip-syncing it to footage of an actual baby. It’s rather like one of those YouTube videos that shows George Bush “singing” New York, New York, and barely as entertaining.
Inexplicably, Jon Voight (yes, that one) signed up for this, playing an evil baby kidnapper who kidnaps babies in an evil way. Boo, hiss, Voight. This is up there with De Niro doing the Meet the Parents sequels, and Al Pacino in Jack and Jill. C’mon, Jon, no amount of money can be worth this.
The babies are joined in their quest not to be kidnapped by the Kahuna (presumably named after the burger), a seven-year-old who never ages, and can walk up walls and crawl across ceilings. The Kahuna utilises dreadful special effects to “fight” with a series of rubbish henchmen, including one played by a young Kenneth Williams.
Incidentally, if you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone who uses a cutesy “baby” voice to tell you that they’re going for a “bathy wath”, or to the “shoppy wops”, then you’ll realise that it takes approximately 0.7 seconds for that voice to really, REALLY grate. Now imagine an hour and a half of that, interspersed with Evil Henchmen saying “what the heck?”, and you’ve got an idea of how wrist-slittingly annoying this all is.
Because kids on screen are almost always inherently annoying. They can’t act, so any scene with them in is automatically a hundred times worse, apart from on Emmerdale, where the quality is basically the same. The producers have taken a basic Bond-esque “one man and his gadgets vs the world” plot and decided that it would be BETTER with children playing all the good guy roles. Well, they’re wrong and they’re stupid and this film is stupid.
Don’t watch Superbabies, don’t go near Superbabies. It’s the second worst film on IMDB for a reason.