We all secretly hate films that burst into song and dance. We’re meant to like it because we’re happy go lucky people, who bask in the delightful optimism of others. But we’re not happy go lucky. We’re sad go fucky. (Copyrighted Peatree Bojangles). Now, there are 4 *angry* dances that I wish to bring to your attention. Angry dances are acceptable, because no one’s happy and they look delightfully stupid. You may notice a theme in this article.
Kevin Bacon in Footloose (1984)
HAHAHA! Who hasn’t seen this? Seriously, if I ever feel down, I just go onto YouTube and watch this until I’ve fallen to the floor, laughing and covered in piss. Our young Kevin Bacon is angry, for some reason (I don’t remember the film), and drives into a warehouse, smoking and drinking. Angrily he hits his steering wheel, attacks his glove compartment angrily, removing a cassette and shoves into his stereo. Here comes the beat. He gets out. Spins. Hits the hood of his car. Throws his bottle. And that’s when it happens. Hips sway, arms flail, legs kick, spin! Spin! SPIN! You can’t deny that this is wonderfully entertaining.
Andy Samberg in Hot Rod (2007)
If you haven’t seen Hot Rod and formed an opinion on it yet, you’re a fucking idiot. That’s right A FUCKING IDIOT. I bloody love this film, so I may be biased, but the ‘Footloose angry dance’ is just so goddamn delightful. Andy Samberg finds out his step-dad is dying, so rides out to the forest on his stunt bike to dance off the anger. Imitating basically every dance move Kevin Bacon performs, with the uncivilized body of Andy truly adds to the beauty.
Bret in Flight of the Conchords (2007)
One of the cleverest comedies I’ve seen in a long time, filled with intensely funny characters and storylines. Bret is a young New Zealander who has just been kicked out of his band by his best friend Jermaine, replaced with a bongo-playing weirdo. Bret reacts the only way you can; by re-enacting Kevin Bacon in Footloose. Bret’s tiny body, innocent face and awkward movements make this perfect.
Roger in American Dad (2006)
Roger is my life coach. It’s unfortunate I’m not an alien living with an absurd family but I’m not that far off. He would be so disappointed if he saw me now, though. I’m not half as violent, drunk and careless as I should be. Soon Roger, I will be just like you. In the meantime, you can catch his Kevin Bacon Footloose impression in Season 3, Episode 15. Yes, I’m glad you’ve figured out the theme. If you haven’t by now, you probably should remove your penis from your sister’s vagina and tell you mother who married her brother that you’re evil.