Reddit is a strange everything and nothing website; a place where people can get together and create their own sub-communities based around everything from My Little Pony to Mass Effect. If you can think of it, there’s probably a sub-reddit out there for it. And it’s great, because it keeps people who like rage comics confined to their own corner of the internet and away from everyone else.
One of our favourite sub-reddits is called NoFap, dedicated to people, er, not touching themselves. Not just a short, “Should I have a wank tonight? Nope. Wonder what’s on Challenge…” No, no. This is a community for people who – as strange as this seems – actively don’t masturbate. This isn’t a collection of four people, by the way – at the time of writing, there are over 16,000 friends of Mary Whitehouse.
Why would you bother with this? Let’s consult the FAQ!
Seriously, how often and how hard are these guys (and, aside from a tiny contingent of females, it is mostly guys) beating off in order for it to be an actual problem? Spending HOURS looking for a photo that’s worth knocking one out to? It’s not like your willy will get mad if it’s forced to perform to a lesser snap.
The community also have their own reasons for not enjoying alone time, including:
There are no hard and fast rules for NoFap, as everyone’s journey (God, this sounds like The X Factor) is different, and you can approach it however you want. Their suggestions include:
(We suspect for most of these people, it’s not entirely up to them.)
And here’s another interesting one. Notice the use of “reset” along with “reboot” in the benefits section? It’s like their bodies are computers, and it’s just a case of re-programming yourself the right way so that you don’t default to jerking off 3-5 times a day. The goal is the “90 day reboot” – three long months of staring blankly at the ceiling while you can’t sleep.
The advice given out by – we really can’t believe they call themselves this – Fapstronauts is incredible. It’s like they’ve decided that masturbation is the root of everything that is wrong with the world, and have set their stalls out like Chris Tookey, unable to see the benefits of anything in moderation:
I will admonish anyone who looks at porn though, cut that shit out at all costs. Even if you keep jerking off, cut the porn out. the ways it fucks with your head is unbelievable. it conditions you to think that porn is normal, that fucking with no emotional attachment is the standard. women aren’t something you care about, they just become over-sexualized things that you don’t desire as a person, but just to conquer. Every relationship you have ever had or will ever have is hurt by an addiction to porn, and if you use it long enough, you will be addicted. That’s how it’s designed, it’s designed to get you addicted and needing a fix you will pay for and always seek.
At least there’s a sense of humour in there:
This is going to sound crazy, but… I’m you. From the future. I’ll just let that sink in for a few moments. I’m sure you have lots of questions, but I don’t have much time.
I have a very important message to give you. Sometime soon, you will feel the urge to fap. I remember it well. At the time, it may not seem like a big deal, butyou must ignore it at all costs. Do not fap! The fate of humanity depends on it.
I’m sorry, but I’m running out of time, and I can’t explain any more than that. Don’t fap! Also, the next weeks lottery numbe
But, there are also a lot of people who for the love of everything can’t even bathe themselves properly:
I’ve noticed that when I’m fapping regularly, my penis has a strong enough odor that it makes me self-conscious. It goes away if I don’t fap for a couple of days, though. Is this normal?
And, shockingly, those with absolutely no social skills:
I am only at day 9, but i can already tell of the super powers that are approaching. I feel the need to tell everyone. Have you guys told your friends about this? I feel like i just need to inform them about this, to save their souls before it gets worse.
“Hey guys! Hey! Guess what! Guys! Guess what I’ve not done for nine days!” – as if life is an episode of Seinfeld.
Unfortunately, some take things too far, believing that they’ll come out the other side as – literally – superheroes:
About the benefits of NoFap: some people talk about “superpowers” that they suddenly get, being able to get laid right away, etc. This won’t be true for everyone, but I think we can broaden the definition of “superpowers” to include things you can do during/after NoFap that you had no way to do before. Standing up to temptation? Superpowers. Handling rejection, because it isn’t overwhelmingly painful anymore? Superpowers. Satisfying sex with real people, where your brain wasn’t wired for it before? You guessed it: motherfucking superpowers.
We can’t help but feel like this guy has missed the point:
I had my first fap in 90 FUCKING DAYS, im not gonna lie it was the best experience ever. I was bored at home, on the internet, and thought, what the hell, been over 90 days and, well, fapped! but, im starting again, going for 100 days this time. Good luck fellow no-fappers!
The problem with the community isn’t that masturbation is inherently horrendous or going to take over your life, it’s that they’ve fallen into a weird spiral of addiction, and this journey of abstinence is seen as a miracle cure, when really some small lifestyle adjustments can help them far more. How do you even end up in a position where a 3-5 time a day habit is viable?
We’ll leave you with these words from Fapstronaut “vwater1001”, who has actually nailed the problem, and the solution, really rather well:
Excessive fapping is just a symptom of a much larger problem I have: wasting my life. I fuck around way too much. If I’m not fapping, I’m clicking through stupid pictures of cats or memes, or watching a stupid tv show, or refreshing my email, or browsing facebook, or half-watching a youtube video while scrolling through an article on CNN. Not to mention all the fatty foods I’m stuffing my face with at the same time.
This is wasting my life.
At the end of a day wasted on the internet, I feel miserable, depressed, anxious, and restless. I fap to get that drowsy feeling that puts me to sleep.
However, on days when I go to the gym, or go to a party, get some meaningful work done, eat clean, go out with friends, etc. etc., I feel uplifted. I feel vibrant. Like I’m sucking the marrow out of the bone of life. Fapping is literally the last thing on my mind.
So I’d like to suggest a new approach to r/NoFap. Instead of obsessing over nofapping streaks, or watching your progress on chains.cc, try to get off your damn computer and go out and do something. Go to the gym, go to a class, join a club, meet people, talk to people, fuck people, read a good book, eat a good meal, take a road trip with some friends. I guarantee you won’t even be thinking about fapping. Replacing pornhub with quickmeme is not a solution.