The X Factor 2011: Episode 2 Results by sel

Last night we had some good, some bad and some indifferent singing. Tonight, we have the results of the public vote and so this is the first proper results show.

One of the things that was wrong with last week was the lack of an actual singing star and a GROUP SING-SONG-MIME-A-LONG! This week we have both. And The Wanted.

The first notable thing is KELLY’S BOOOOOOOOBS. Girl has had them done and isn’t afraid to show them off. Good for her. They are a very POW!

Never mind them though. It’s time for Auto Tune Heaven in the form of the Group Sing-Song-Mime-A-Long. They do That Song With The Tennis Playing Video. Except they have phone boxes. Because this is the first one, they’ve not quite learnt to mime properly yet. I love that bit.

In case you received a knock to the head last night, there’s a recap of what happened last night. It’s still the same as it was then. Except with Louis trying to claim he knows all of Rhianna’s records. Records! Oh Louis. You truly are the gift that keeps on giving.

We have to watch The Wanted now. They truly are the ugliest boyband currently in existence. There’s a lot of screaming. I’m not sure if it’s screams of horror or not though.

Time for Dermot’s slightly uncomfortable chat with the judges. Gary is defending his song choices. Everyone else is nervous. Not sure what they’ve got to be nervous about.

Time for an actual pop star now in the form of Katy Perry. Behold her impressive FACTS which are significantly more impressive than The Wanted’s. Oh, hang on. What’s this? She’s got a guitar? And no time to do her roots or put a wig on? This is not what I expect from Katy Perry. She’s been Cardled. Isn’t she pretty though? Lovely but a bit dull. Must try harder.

Now it’s time for the drawn out results before we have to suffer the bottom two again. The Risk are safe first followed by Janet, Biscuit Boy Craig and Johnny who is appropriately excited. Dermot reminds us that he does this in no particular order right before announcing Misha is safe which blates means that she came top. Sami and Rhythmix are also safe as is Sophie. That means Kelly has kept everyone for this week as has Louis as Kitty is safe as well. But who will be the last totally safe act? Why, it’s Singing Hairdresser Marcus. This means Nu Vibe and Persistent Girl Botherer Frankie are in the bottom two and we have to listen to them be awful again.

Nu Vibe are up first. They sing That Song That Cheryl Did About Promising Stuff. They start off ok but then it’s all a bit wrong. Their problem is that they’re having to compete with The Risk who can actually harmonise whereas they can’t.

Gary seems genuinely shocked that Frankie is in the bottom two. He must’ve gone to the toilet during his performance from last night. Frankie is doing That Song By That Bloke About Painting Things Red. I can’t say sing because he’s all out of time and tune again. They’re things that are quite important when it comes to a singing competition. Maybe he’s having trouble because his ridiculous trousers are cutting off his circulation.

It’s time for the judges’ decision now. Will Louis send it to deadlock?! Gary is first. Of course he sends Nu Vibe home. Kelly is too distracted by her own boobs to make a decision and she ums and ahs before sending Nu Vibe home too. You know Tulisa sends Frankie home but what will Louis do?! A nation yells ‘DEADLOCK! DEADLOCK!’ at the screen but Louis disappoints us and sends Nu Vibe home.

And so that’s that. They wouldn’t have lasted much longer so it was kinder to put them out of their misery. Who knows what will happen next week? We do know that Louis will amaze us, Gary will continue to suck all the joy out of life itself and Johnny will be brilliant simply because he’s having so much fun.

Comments

1. Anna says:

   October 19, 2011 at 4:37 pm

   Remember in the auditions when Tulisa said she was never cried, unless someone sounded like her mum?

   :(

   And Katy Perry was such a let down.

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