This is Your Life: Gladiators Referee ‘Good’ John Anderson by Nick Bryans

'Good' John Anderson. The cold, dead face of authority.

There isn’t a bigger unsung hero than a referee. Sport would be impossible without them, yet in general they are vilified, with many fans bemoaning them for their performances. Such chants often ring round sports arenas like “The referee’s a wanker”, and “You don’t know what you’re doing!”. But who has ever heard a raucous round of “the referee’s having a commendable performance, and should be rewarded for it”? Never, that’s when. If we think of famous refereeing moments, most would probably mention that time at the World Cup where Graham Poll gave someone 3 yellow cards for a laugh. And it’s a real shame.

Well one referee has always stood head and shoulders above others. He’s never moaned about being underappreciated or victimised, he’s just gone out there and commanded respect. He’ll look at two people running up a travelator and never be overawed by the moment. His name, ladies and gentlemen, is ‘Good’ John Anderson.

Some may associate the catchphase 3-2-1 with that talking waste disposal unit ‘Dusty Bin’. But for me, it was the final moment of calm, a serene preface, before two 6”4 meatheads smash seven shades of shite out of each other with two padded drumsticks on top of elevated podiums. Like Roman Gladiators, but with a theme tune and colourful outfits (and a gratuitous amount of John Fashanu). Anderson became a human face in a sea of greased up turmoil as the head official of Gladiators. Without him, Wolf Power would have become Wolf Anarchy.

But how did John get to this position? Anderson started out as a teacher, before becoming a coach for Commonwealth Games and Olympic Games athletes. John’s wise head was used to teach our young Olympians about the discipline of their sports. But for John, this wasn’t enough. A man of John’s skill couldn’t be held down to mere ‘teaching’ and ‘helping the country produce Olympic athletes’. He could only be content once he was blowing both the first and the second whistle before the eliminator, and in 1992 he got the chance.

Wolf. Anderson ate that mug for breakfast.

Bought from an American company, Gladiators was introduced to our screens in October of 1992. Fronted by flat-packed Swede Ulrika-ka-ka Johnson and John ‘Fash-ar-noo’ Fashanu, the show had glitz and glamour, but needed discipline. Which is where ‘good’ John came in. Fash was replaced in 1997 by THE POSHEST FUCKING MAN IN THE WORLD Jeremy Guscott, in some sort of attempt to gentrify the show. Fash however was brought back in 1999 for the Gladiators mini-series, possibly because the producers couldn’t afford to keep filling the green room with cocktail blinis and filet mignon before every show.

Gladiators became a nationwide success, and a lynchpin of Saturday nights. But despite celebrity status coming to the likes of Wolf and Lighting, ‘good’ John Anderson was the man who single handedly held the show together. Without him, it was a bunch of witless members of the public in lycra, wrestling bodybuilders in an abandoned warehouse. But with ‘good’ John in control, it was high-class competition. Gladiators became THE show of our weekends. But it wasn’t all high times and easy riding for Anderson. There were low times to deal with as well. Who can forget about the tabloids draggling Hunter and Ulrika’s love affair through the papers, or Panther’s shocking injury during an innocuous game of ‘Tilt’ in series 3? Then there was Warrior’s arrest for firearms possession, Shadow getting busted for steroid abuse, or even the horrendous scenes were Raider pushed a contestant that beat him on the Gauntlet. One would be forgiven for thinking that these PR disasters would leave Gladiators as little more than a carnival attraction.

But ‘Good’ John Anderson held the great ship together. A classic example of Anderson intervention was during the infamous ‘Grease-gate’ controversy. Nicola Bawden, who could have been a contender, managed to slip away from Scorpio in a game of The Wall. This was only possible due to Bawden greasing up her legs so Scorpio couldn’t grip her, and also Bowden undoing her laces so Scorpio couldn’t hold onto her trainers. This caused outrage amongst the Gladiators fanbase (I say outrage, what I mean is that both of them were a bit annoyed by it). There were calls for Bowden to be dumped out of the competition, but the level head of Anderson again saw them through. Anderson reviewed footage and stated that there was no rule prohibiting the use of grease on legs, therefore she was allowed to keep her points (the rule was changed after this, much to the disappointment of contestant Tim Shepps, who turned up to studio with 6 litres of Vaseline only to be told it was now redundant). In what was a monumental example of level headedness, Anderson reaffirmed why he became a byword for law and order. Scorpio did get her revenge in the semi-final during Bawden v Scopio II, which to this day is the most viewed gladiators show of all time (I made this up).

All's fair in love, war and 'Hang Tough'.

Anderson was arguably best know for his catchphrases. As well as the signature ‘3-2-1’ line, there were other phrases such as “Gladiators Ready!” and “You will go, on my first whistle”. Anderson’s patois is really what made him a cult legend. He was overflowing with charisma, and this was his outlet. Though, as with anyone that charismatic, there were a lot of rejected slogans, as the charisma tap didn’t turn off with ease. Such mottos ditched were “Twat him!”, “Fuck Wolf Power!” and him blowing the whistle at arbitrary moments, like he was at an early 90s acid-house rave.

Once Gladiators was canned, John disappeared, taking an early retirement. But in 2008, the concoction of spandex and dreams was too much for him to resist, and he returned to a revamped version of the show for the first season. But after 9 years out, the magic was gone, and John was binned for a younger model. However, ‘good’ John Andersen WAS Gladiators, and without him the show was an abject failure, getting cancelled after the third season.

Fundamentally, in John’s 10 years with Gladiators, he became a pseudonym for referee. He’s one of the unsung heroes of the small screen, and though you may not have realised it at the time, he made our Saturday nights what they were. And that’s why ‘Good’ John Anderson becomes the 4^th member of the Shouting at Cows ‘Hall of Fame’. God speed!

'Good' John Anderson (centre). The 4th member of the Shouting at Cows 'Hall of Fame'. The other 2 can fuck off, though. They aren't coming in.

Comments

1. Martin says:

   October 13, 2011 at 2:24 pm

   Back in the 90′s hey day of Gladiators, I was a working at the Pizza Express in Brindley Place, Birmingham, next door to the NIA where Gladiators was filmed.

   For several weeks every year, the paths outside were thronged with foam handed punters, and we often saw the Gladiators themselves walking past. Wolf even belied his image and would wave and smile at the kids.

   But the man himself, John Anderson was a regular customer. He would always come in by himself, and sit at table 13 and order two garlic breads for starters, and then a pizza. He was a really nice guy, and would happily sign autographs for the kids. Probably the nicest minor celebrity I met while working there, although it could be a tie between him and Bob Holness.
2. David says:

   October 14, 2011 at 1:44 pm

   The wimp ref Sky employed was awful. We nicknamed him ‘dad ref’ because ‘Gladiators Ready!?’ sounded more like ‘dinners ready.’

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