The Bachelor 2011: Episode 6 by Hannah

After last week’s glamour model face-off between Carianne and Morgan, it is evident that this week Gavin will have to summon a wider variety of facial expressions than his usual ‘blank contentment.’ Perhaps he will employ ‘puzzled’, or attempt ‘angry’. It all started so well, but now there’s only nine girls left, and Carianne is exiled in a hotel, crying.

Gavin has the sensible idea of arranging a date for Morgan and Carianne, thinking that he will be able to find out which girl is telling the truth about Carianne ALLEGEDLY snogging a member of the production team. There is only one rose. The girls will be making pizza to share at lunch with Gavin. The pizza of awkwardness. After giving Morgan and Carianne time to talk in the kitchen, Gavin is obviously hoping they will bond over some anchovies and everything will sort itself out. It does not.

‘I have strong feelings for the both of you,’ Gavin begins, magnanimously, ‘I’ve kissed the both of you. I just want to get to the bottom of things. This is really confusing for me, you both keep contradicting each other.’

‘Why would I’m going to ruin my chances with you to kiss some little dweeb,’ Carianne replies. Morgan starts crying.

Both girls stick to their stories, so Detective Gavin is none the wiser. Will he chose Morgan, who is at least 50% breasts, or hard-faced bitch Carianne? Back at the house, the other girls are getting restless. They all hate Carianne, so if he picks her he risks losing the other eight. ‘If he picks her, he’s not the man I want in my life,’ says nice single Mum Nicky.

Gavin is stuck in a loop of pain, unable to make a decision, so decides to keep both girls in. The whole make or break date was in fact pointless. The other girls are not impressed by Gavin’s lack of decision making skills, and Nicky decides she wants to leave. Georgie is also upset, feeling that she is just there to make up the numbers. I’m beginning to think that Gavin lacks the people-management skills to keep his harem in control.

Nicky writes Gavin a letter to let him know why she is leaving, which he brushes off with barely a second thought. Instead, he invites Leila on a solo date into Venice. Gavin lolls back in a gondola, his giant sweaty legs outstretched, periodically sticking his tongue down Leila’s winning throat. Venice is besmirched for me now. The other girls are equally disgusted that Leila has been given a second solo date when they haven’t had any alone time with Gavin. I’m starting to worry that he’ll be found one morning in the villa garden, a stiletto in his back.

After days of inactivity, Gavin has decided that the girls should do some exercise. He chooses the five girls he has seen the least to take part in a keep-fit date. The winner will win a private date with Gavin, AND A ROSE. Also, it gives Gavin an opportunity to showcase those meaty guns. At the end he chooses Georgie, but she insists on a private talk to clarify her position in the house. Gavin increasingly has the look of a harried middle manager with staffing problems. After reassuring Georgie, Gavin feels he also has to talk to the other girls,

‘I feel…strongly for a lot of you,’ he tells the group, ‘moving forward, I think this is the perfect opportunity to find true love.’

Go on Gavin, give them something to cling to. I wonder if Charlotte Church is watching this. I bet she’s laughing her head off. It’s time for the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, and Gavin is still in regional manager mode, giving his team a little pre-party pep talk. For some reason, no one seems very relaxed.

‘Whatever happens tonight,’ Gavin tells the girls as they line up, ‘you’ve all left an imprint on my heart. I see all the qualities I’m attracted to in front of me, and that excites me.’

He picks Morgan straight away- will he send home Carianne?

IT’S SO TENSE!

He picks Carianne! Angharad is going home. You know, Angharad, one of the background ones.

‘I have seven girls left,’ Gavin ponders, in the manner of a man contemplating his classic car collection, ‘and I’m attracted to all of them.’

Leave a Reply