Who eBuys this stuff? by Tim Ward

When eBay arrived on the internet, roughly at the same time as Lolcats, it changed the way people shopping for bargains, soiled clothes and stolen goods.

Although the hype around it isn’t quite what it was – it is still going strong. But for every bargain you can get and hidden gem, there is a pile of crap. So, what can you, YES YOU, buy on eBay right now.

Paperclips

“Hmm, I really could do with some paperclips. I’m sure if I looked in that draw in the kitchen or the one by the phone, I’d find one or two. Failing that, I could go to ‘Smiths. Or even the Post Office. In fact, I reckon my local newsagent sells them. But, actually, why leave the sofa? eBay will have some! And then in a matter of just 3 – 5 workings days I will paperclips!”

Right now you can buy “50 white paper clips” for the bargain of £1.25 plus 65p postage & package. And then they only take 4 -6 working days!

Really want them? Here you go! http://bit.ly/oifGPo

Mens underwear bundle gay interest 2 jock straps swimming chav scally

That is the ACTUAL name of an auction take place at the moment. It really covers all bases doesn’t it? Except ‘sport’ which I think is what jock-straps are actually for, right? But whatever, the seller can only post them items once a week “due to work commitments”, which seem to include banning ANY postal activities.

Into mens underwear bundle gay interest 2 jock straps swimming chav scally? Buy them here! http://bit.ly/qndKVv

Three Daniel O’Donnell Tour Flyers

That’s right, at the time of writing, and sadly as the auction ends in 4 minutes you’ve probably missed out, you can bid £1.25 for three identical flyers for renowned devil-follower and puppy-murderer Daniel O’Donnell.

But fear not – no bids have been made so if you’re lucky, dive onto eBay, go to seller ‘cultrasna’ and I’m sure you’ll be able to get them again soon.

Jordan Katie Price Mousemat Coaster personalised FREE

For just £4.49 you can get a mousemat AND coaster of Love It! magazine plastotits Katie Jordan Price! But wait, you can personalise it! Any text you want, whether that’s your name, pro-Nazi propaganda or vague sexual threats.

According to the description its an excellent gift for “any occasion or office.”

“We’re sorry for your loss. He will be sadly missed.”

“Thank you.”

“We have a gift. Here.”

“Its, um, a mousemat of Jordan?”

“Yes.”

“It says ‘Arsenal Rulez?”

“You have our sympathies.”

Are you a dick? Buy this! http://bit.ly/psyFzZ

What Car? pen key ring (not working)

Remember those rectangle keyrings that have a flip out bit in the middle that’s a pen? Well, good news for all fans of keys AND pens, you can get a ‘What Car’ key ring pen, right now on eBay. One slight thing though – it doesn’t work. It’s not clear if the pen doesn’t work, the whole pen-reveal bit or if it fails as a key ring. It’s a mystery worth investigating for £3.49.

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