The Week on the Telly: August 19 2011 by Cracko

University Challenge, BBC2

It’s the return of the Intellectual Hour! We’ve had University Challenge (BBC Two) back for a few weeks now, but Jeremy Paxman without Victoria Coren is like tea without a biscuit. And what a sweet, sweet biscuit she is.

The teams on Uni Challenge this week are peppered with the usual bizarre surnames. “Lord”. “Remnant”. “Twigg”. “France”. Lady contestant Donaghy is dressed quite smartly and almost appears to be A Normal, but a spot of nervous twitching exposes her true nerdiness. Paxo’s back to his usual feistiness, berating contestants for being cheeky and pronouncing things incorrectly. The teams’ fates as freaks living under rocks are sealed when NOT ONE OF THEM can identify Madonna’s La Isla Bonita. Yet they’re naming Mendelssohn’s bloody symphonies after one puff of a flute.

Only Connect, BBC4

More geekiness abound as we quickly turn over to BBC Four for part two of the Intellectual Hour: Only Connect. The first team to be introduced goes by the name of “The Social Networkers”. Did you cringe just then? And well you should. The captain had found her teammates by advertising on Facebook for fellow Only Connecters, hence the name. The other team is a bunch of vegetarians. That’s the most interesting thing about them, is it? Hmmm. Never mind them: Vicki is looking tanned and toned and is as delightful as ever. And we have fifteen more weeks of loveliness! The most exciting bit of the show is probably when the announcement is made that you can now create your own connecting walls on the website.

The Chase, ITV1

Continuing the quizzy theme (I watch far too many quizzes), The Chase is some excellent teatime viewing (ITV1, weekdays). I shan’t bother explaining the rules as they’re a bit complicated, but it’s essentially Eggheads with just one Egghead – aka The Chaser – and loads more questions. Bradley Walsh is the world’s most generic host, with the least witty comments you’ll ever hear.

“The answer is… *insert any film title here*. Ah yes, fantastic film!”

There are three Chasers to choose from: The Woman (Anne), The Fat One (Mark) and The Cool One (Shaun). Today, the contestants are facing Mark – who has also been a contestant on Only Connect – described as “The Beast” by our Bradley. Each contestant has to face the Chaser in turn, choosing either the chance to win loadsa money but have to beat the Chaser by a large margin in the quiz-off, or to take a smaller jackpot but with fewer questions to answer correctly.

It always ends with the exciting Final Chase, where The Chaser has a minute to answer more questions correctly than the team had managed in the same amount of time. Nail-biting to the end, apart from Bradley Walsh’s crap habit of hesitating between questions. And it’s always a little bit satisfying when The Chaser gets beaten by the plebs.

The telly treasure trove continues this weekend with The Bachelor, The X Factor and the continuation of the most bizarre series of Celebrity Big Brother ever. Can’t bloody wait.

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