The Dickhead List: CJ from Eggheads by shoutingatco.ws

Some televisual dickheads are clearly playing a character: Simon Cowell and any of his rubbish imitators from rubbish X-Factor knock-offs are clearly hamming up their roles. However, one dickhead steps up above all others, and that’s the floppy-haired berk from Eggheads, CJ.

Eggheads is the general knowledge quiz where a team of five civilians take on professional quizzers, the titular Eggheads. It’s fairly tame, weekday evening, BBC2 fare, with bland questions about mountains and 70s sitcoms. The usual.

The Eggheads team all have an irritating habit of not only knowing things, but telling you at length how they arrived at that answer. Eliminating Henry’s Cat as a possibility, because they know the dates the cartoon existed. Chuckling when Shakespeare is given as an improbable option.

CJ, however, has two states. Firstly, and this doesn’t crop up as often as he’d like, he’s patronised. A question comes up that’s so easy, it might as well be asking what his name is. Ooh, he really hates that. He shrugs, he rolls his eyes back so far that he can see what’s written on his brain, and he sighs. God, he sighs. How DARE Jeremy Vine or Dermot Murnaghan have the sheer cheek to ask him something so bloody easy?

Far more often, though, he doesn’t have a clue. He is, by far, the weakest Egghead, and you can see the other team’s glee when they get to face off against him. While his compatriots clearly spend hours learning things that they have no interest in – FA Cup winners, Corrie characters and Jordan’s past lovers – CJ can’t be bothered with that. The entire concept of Geography holds no interest for him.

So when a question like that comes up, he’ll give an exasperated sigh and exhale like someone’s unknotted a balloon. As the quiz is multiple choice, he’ll pretend to eliminate a couple of the options (“Well, Berwick doesn’t sound Scottish”), while doing the multiple-choice-question favourite of just picking the middle option. Every time.

Daphne, the wizened old hamster of the team, absolutely hates CJ. He drives her mental when he starts dithering over where Evian water comes from. She’s sitting there, banging her head on the desk, absolutely exasperated that he doesn’t know. We imagine that the green room is a joy to sit in on, with her glaring at him for hours.

And if that doesn’t annoy you, the fact that his name is CJ de Mooi should be enough to tip you over the edge. The floppy haired git.

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UPDATE, 19/08:

An anonymous quizzer has gotten in touch, to let us know that CJ in real life is ENTIRELY like the tit he appears to be on the telly:

There were a bunch of people at a quiz event in Derby, and like the geeks that we are, we were discussing the fact that the ‘multiple choice’ element of our quiz had been removed and replaced with 10 more ‘gettable’ questions.

This debate was going back and forth, weighing the pros and cons of whether or not this was a good or bad thing, etc etc.

A certain Mr De Mooi pipes up into the conversation – ‘what kind of weak minded person needs mulitple choice answers to get the right one’…

When I pointed out that this was the whole premise of Eggheads, the look on his face was a picture – i’m assuming he was speechless for once, as his reply was to shake his Porsche keys in my face.

Comments

1. Will Millinship says:

   August 15, 2011 at 12:25 pm

   He looks like Billy the Fish.
2. Liam says:

   August 17, 2011 at 1:20 pm

   Gold.

   http://www.demooi.co.uk/gallery.html
3. James says:

   January 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm

   My mum’s partner works with young people with monetary difficulties to get them on the right track. Bearing in mind most of them are actually very nice but are unfortunate to have rubbish parents, you’d imagine they need positive help from others. They went to watch a snooker match together, which cj was at, and asked for
   his autograph. There were six or seven of the boys, but cj refused. Apparently he was incredibly rude, and I was surprised to hear he is not a tv characterisation, but in fact a true arsehole.
4. Peekle says:

   March 20, 2012 at 1:39 pm

   How very apt, to title yourself CJ The Beautiful, I mean, he really IS isn’t he….. NO, not handsome, a CJ (c*ck-jockey)!
5. Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells. says:

   April 19, 2012 at 6:27 pm

   Re: “An anonymous quizzer has gotten in touch”..

   There is no such word as ‘gotten’ in British English.
   ‘Gotten’ is strictly American.
   In English the past participle of ‘get’ is ‘got’.
6. shoutingatco.ws says:

   April 19, 2012 at 7:20 pm

   We’re a multicultural site, you big smelly racist

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