A Guide to Rebekah Wade’s Time at The News of The World, For Rebekah Wade by Nick Bryans
Apparently, she can't remember the last time she had rice pudding. Yeah, she must have Ambrosia!......get it? Cause it sounds like Amnesia......fine, suit yourselves....
Dear Rebekah Wade (Brooks-Kemp-Mitchell),
As I don’t live under a rock, I have spent the last 24 hours following the horrific story that the News of The World (whilst you were editor) is accused of tapping the phone of murdered schoolgirl Millie Dowler, back in 2002. Now it appears that you had no idea this was going on, which seems odd, but hey, we’re all prone to extended memory lapses. I spent 3 years at University, and I don’t remember much more than bumbling my way through an auditorium in an ill-fitting hat and picking up a Politics degree that I still haven’t used.
Now you’re not alone. Andy Coulson, who was editor from 2003 to 2007, was forced out of his roles at the NOTW AND as communications officer for the coalition government on similar charges of phone tapping, despite him too having no idea this was going on. So clearly there must be, like, a bug going round, or something. Either way, considering the News of the World is on the brink of collapse, you may be on the verge of unemployment. As after all, being at the helm when the metaphorical iceberg hit the publication is generally accepted as ‘fair dismissal’. Whatsmore, you’ll need to know what the hell you did there as editor for 3 years, as if questioned about your role in an upcoming interview, for you to reply with, “Dunno, lol! I think it was something to do with computers”, will probably see you signing-on for the foreseeable future.
So as we at Shouting at Cows are all about helping those whose chips are down (look at Keith Chegwin’s renaissance. Now we won’t take ALL the credit, but still…), we’ve provided a guide for you explaining what the hell the News of the World is, and what went on while you were there. I mean for a start, you’ve got page 3. You must be having kittens at the thought of your paper arbitrarily printing pictures of tits for no real purpose, other than to sexually objectify women – and that’s just the start!
Jesus, it's like the Daily Mail laid-out by someone on speed.
The News of the World was first published on 1st October 1843, by John Browne Bell. It was 3p, undercutting the price of every other daily news publication at the time, with it’s remit being to target the newly literate classes “as a purveyor of titillation, shock and criminal news.” So basically the same as it is now, but for the 19th century; pictures of women in revealing blouses, sportsman in 4-in-a-bed ‘necking’ scandals and MPs caught with illegal snuff boxes. That sort of thing.
The NOTW quickly became the paper with the highest readership in Britain, though as Oscar Wilde once said, “everything popular is wrong”, and the paper was indeed both popular and wrong. As was pointed out by editors of other publications at the time:
Frederick Greenwood, editor of the Pall Mall Gazette, met in his club one day Lord Riddell, who died a few years ago, and in the course of conversation Riddell said to him, `You know, I own a paper.’ `Oh, do you?’ said Greenwood, ‘what is it?’ `It’s called the News of the World—I’ll send you a copy,’ replied Riddell, and in due course did so. Next time they met Riddell said, ‘Well Greenwood, what do you think of my paper?’ ‘I looked at it,’ replied Greenwood, ‘and then I put it in the waste-paper basket. And then I thought, “If I leave it there the cook may read it” —so I burned it!’
That, indeed, was a burn.
Anyway, fast forward to 1969, and the paper was bought from News Lt by your good friend, Rupert Murdoch. There was a long struggle against rival media tycoon Robert Maxwell, and it appeared that incumbent owner at the time, Stafford Somerfield, didn’t like Maxwell’s foreign origin or views, stating that the News of The World was “As British as roast beef and Yorkshire pudding”. Well I don’t know about you, but for me, nothing says ‘Grassroots Britain’ like Australian media billionaire Rupert Murdoch.
Alas, I digress. You arrived at the NOTW initially as a secretary in 1989, before working your way up, first as a feature writer then as deputy editor, before becoming editor in 2000; at the time the youngest editor of a national newspaper.
Now it was at this time where your memory becomes a bit murky, so I’ll try as best as I can to jog it appropriately. Your first act of mindlessness was the pushing of ‘Sarah’s Law’; an American inspired piece of legislature that would see the publicising of the sex offenders register. Now anyone with half a brain would realise this would lead to mob violence and ‘vigilante justice’.
There were several cases of mistaken identity and innocent people being targeted, culminating in a group vandalising the house of a paediatrician, by ‘people who misunderstood her occupational title to be the same as paedophile’. Now glossing over how dense you have to be to mix the two up, who would describe their job as ‘paedophile’? I mean, isn’t that like declaring on a census form you’re a murderer or rapist?
It hardly supports the low key existence that people in this field need, now is it? Your campaign was ridiculed by pundits and the police, and unsurprisingly it never became law. But, you know, props for trying.
You only lasted 3 years at the News of The World, but it was long enough to also be involved in a bribing affair, where you admitting in court to paying police officers for information. But as ever, Rebecca, you were far from apologetic. And why you should you be? All you did was break the law, it’s not like you committed a crime or anything. You felt that
“journalists were entitled to use bugging devices and other covert methods if there was a strong public interest in the story under investigation.”
and with important cases such as Cheryl Cole’s love life to be rifled through, it’s hard to disagree with your emphatic points. Bug away, people!
Any of this ringing a bell? Moving on, you left for fellow News Corp publication The Sun in 2003, the highlight of this being when you pissed off mental health charity Sane and everyone in Britain with a modicum of compassion when you ran the headline ‘Bonkers Bruno Locked Up’, following the further degeneration of former Boxer Frank Bruno’s mental health. Probably best to leave this off your CV.
Rebekah, with ex husband Ross Kemp. Prehaps Ross could do a special on Rebekah, entitled 'Ross Kemp on Gang Incitement'
Anyway, you were gone, Andy Coulson was in and everything was going swimmingly for you and the paper. You were at the The Sun before getting a sweet gig with News International themselves, whilst The News of the World was exposing love cheats and celebrities doing drugs left, right and centre. By the end I’d lost track of how many former Coronation Street stars I’d seen dressed in latex and coked off their tits. Business. Was. Booming.
Then it all went wrong, when it became apparent that you guys had been a little cheeky. And by a little cheeky, I mean endemically corrupt with a level of underhand evilness which one would struggle to put into words.
Firstly, it transpired that under Coulson’s tenure, as many as 7,000 people including numerous ‘celebrities’ had their phones hacked, with estimated compensation and settlements reportedly going to cost the News of the World around £40M. Now naturally, Andy Coulson claimed to know nothing about it, as like you, he was either a corrupt liar or utterly incompetent at his job. Considering he slotted into his new role with the Coalition Government with relative ease, one would be forgiven for thinking it was the latter. But hey, why do you care? This was nothing to do with you. You were off at The Sun making jovial banter about mental health issues at time, you’re in the clear, right? Wrong.
You see, there was this girl called Millie Dowler. Now you probably don’t remember, as this was indeed during the years where your memory becomes a bit sketchy. Anyway, she was abducted and murdered by serial killer Levi Bellfield in March 2002, in a case that horrified the country. NOTW journalists at the time hacked into Dowler’s voicemail inbox, where it’s alleged;
Journalists had deleted messages from the phone, giving false hope to Dowler’s friends and family and potentially destroying valuable evidence about her abduction and murder.
Now there are some things in life that make you question whether evolution got it right. This is one of them.
Obviously, you didn’t know about any of this. Despite the fact you previously confessed to bribing police officers, continual use of phone tapping prevalent in many areas of the News of The Worlds’ upper echelons, jailed private investigator Glenn Mulcare claiming he was under ‘immense pressure’ from the News of the World to hack phones, an unnerving and suspicious email you sent immediately to staff claiming it was ‘inconceivable’ you knew anything about the hacking (before an investigation had even started), a front page story on the Independent claiming you personally contacted the journalist accused of tapping Dowler’s phone, and perhaps also the accepted opinion that people who run their companies tend to know what their employees are doing. Whatsmore, if the hackers knew that you’d be dead against using anything they discovered (after all, you did describe the Dowler phone tap as “sickening”), why would they even bother risking jail and their reputation to tap phones in the first place? But naturally, there are explanations for all this, as it’s inconceivable that you knew. Of course.
Anyway, I hope this has helped fill you in on those fuzzy areas in which you apparently failed to have a clue over what was going on during your editorship of the News of the World. After all, they do say that if you remember 2000-2003 you probably weren’t there! Well, they don’t actually say this, but I suppose you’re a special case. If the problem persists, I suggest you go ‘Memento’ and start taking Polaroid pictures of everything that goes on in your offices. After all, we can’t repeat this sickening event, can we?
Yours Sincerely,
Nick Bryans
Layabout and Tea Room Boy-in-Chief
Shouting at Cows Towers
1 The Farm
Somewhere Green and Leafy
The Next Paul Dacre?
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Great post.
However, Sarah’s Law did become “law”… It’s called the Child Sex Offender Disclosure Scheme.
And Brooks didn’t get a job at News Corp. She got job a job at News International, which is owned by News Corp.
Very nice blogpost. Apart from it’s instead of its, starts instead of stars and spelling Millie/Milly Dowler two different ways. Good read though.
Top spotting, Frankie. Nick has been summarily shot.
Great article. I trust it has already been emailed to its loathsome subject.
It’s OK – she was on holiday when the alledged hacking went on! It’s fine.
You know how it is – “Hey, the boss is off – let’s bunk off work at 4 and go to the pub”, or “Let’s take a two hour lunch while they’re away”, or now “Let’s hack into the voicemail of an abducted schoolgirl giving her parents undue hope that she’s still alive and potentially ruining a police investigation into her murder”
I fully approve of this summary.
I’m still not sure how Wades/Coulson can get out of the rock/hardplace that is “did evil deeds” or “was completely incompetent”. Although, hand-waving seems to work quite well.
A rather brilliant angle on the Rebekah WadeKempBrooks debacle.
‘Inconceivable’ – I do not think it means what she thinks it means…
Good shout, however, Piers (Antichrist) Morgan was the youngest editor of a national at 27. NotW then the Mirror. He employed both RW and AC. She should fall on her sword – even looks like Boudicca!!
Miss Wade was married to Ross Kemp whose dad is a top cop,there may be no link however its more than a bit strange that she seems to be protected beyond belief when quite obviously she should have been arrested and jailed ages ago.How can she as editor not know what went on. Ridiculous. I remember a report how she was publicly caught screaming and yelling at Kemp like a wayward spoilt child. Surely it’s just a matter of time for her downfall.
This entire article and the comments following it are so laugh-able. by the way, talk about throwing stones and faeces in a glass house. You think Mrs. Wade is a bad lady? l o f***ing l. This hacking allegation is a complete smoke screen, please, don’t be a newb. Capital interests are and have been controlling the future gene pool of humanity, and you want to burn Rebekah Brooks? Sure, go after one lady but when you’re prepared to sleep, rest assured that we will be all violated in the morning as it was and shall continue to be. Hey, tie up the MPs and Police who knew about the child’s phone messages since 02.