Why I love Geordie Shore despite it being Geordie Shore by Tim Ward

Reality TV shows have been clogging up our TV output like a Big Mac through an American’s arteries for over a decade now, and they show no sign of going away.

They have a new breed these days – the ‘reality’ show, such as Made in Chelsea or The Only Way Is Essex  - or TOWIE as it’s called by pricks. These shows are mostly scripted or staged, rather than your run of the mill braindead wave-a-camera-at-an-idiot show.

How refreshing then to see Geordie Shore – a reality show that, it appears, to not be staged or scripted – at least not to extent of Made in Chelsea or TOWIE [whaddya know, I'm a prick].

Geordie Shore is the UK version of the US mega successful MTV show Jersey Shore – which followed the adventures of young Italian-Americans in, er, Jersey Shore.

So how was the English version, set in Newcastle? Well, please allow me to tell you why it was so good, despite being so shit.

The People

The adventures of Gaz (manwhore), Charlotte (stupid but nice), Jay (lad), Sophie (dull), James (duller), Vicky (bitch when drunk), Greg (sound enough) and Holly (tits with an idiot attached) were only on for six episodes but we took them to our hearts. This because, unlike their SW London or Essex rivals, they weren’t born into disgusting wealth and privilege.

Despite clearly being mostly awful people, the Shore lot were, essentially, ‘normal’. The type of people you’d likely meet on any given night out, if you went to an awful nightclub, probably called “Liquid” or “Gash”, playing commercial dance.

They fought, swore at each other, spat, drank, said “tache on” a lot, and yelled their way through an entire series. There was Jay and Vicky who in six short episodes had at least 20 arguments and were constantly on and off; Greg who started slowly but turned into a girl pulling machine; Charlotte who didn’t care about Gaz and showed us that by talking about Gaz at every single given moment and Holly a pair of tits with an attention seeker attached, who over the course of six episodes left the house twice.

Geordies are funny

There’s no denying it. From Jimmy Niall to Ant or Dec, the race of people from Newcastle are hilarious. Perhaps it’s their natural northern charm? Perhaps it’s the nudity. Perhaps it’s the accent. Actually, it’s almost certainly the accent. And what could be funnier than that? Subtitles of Geordie slang, written in Geordie slang. That’s right, when one of our heroes said “oot”, it didn’t say “out” in the subtitles, it said “oot”, thus making them completely pointless.

It was short

Six episodes. That’s it. All the best shows, mostly, had short lives. Fawlty Towers, Spaced, The Office, Noel’s HQ. All of these and many more had short lives – no more than a dozen or so episodes. Geordie Shore had six. So it must be doubley good, right? Yeah?

But wait, There’s Going to be More. Last Tuesday night, my heart was filled with dread and joy, when, as the credits rolled on Geordie Shore Series 1, MTV’s announcer declared to a waiting world “Don’t miss the Magaluf specials coming soon.”

Can you reread that? No? Well, I’ll rewrite it then… “MAGALUF. SPECIALS”. “SPECIALS.” SPECIALS”. “S”. Plural.

Jersey Shore has had three series, and a total of 35 episodes, with season four coming in August. Who is to say that Geordie Shore isn’t also going to run and run?

So, sit back relax and let it happen. It’s the show the Newcastle Tourism Board have dubbed “The worst act against humanity in a millennia”* – how could you not watch?

*probably

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