Made In Chelsea: Season 1 Episode 6 by sel
Last week saw break ups, bounders coming a cropper and holiday plans being hatched.
We haven’t seen Bitchface Amber for a while. Her shiny moon face is bitchfacing with Stirrer Rosie. Of course Caggie and Millie happen to be in the same shop and they of course have to reveal that they’re prancing off somewhere with Douchelord Spencer and Bounder Hugo. Totes awkward, yah? Rosie’s totes fine with it apparently though her Wide Eyes Of Doom say otherwise.
Francis Boulle CEO is still trying to make this sporting thing happen and is fencing with “Model” Fredrik. Fredrik manages to stab Francis and cause bleeding. No one gets cut in fencing, seriously Francis, give it up. Fredrik thinks Francis is jealous of him playing the piano for Agne. They come to a gentleman’s agreement to both date her. That’s REALLY classy. Bitchface Amber and Stirrer Rosie happen to turn up and Francis and Fredrik think it’s a really good idea to tell them about their double dating strategy.
Binky, Cheshka and Ollie are having a deep conversation about how worms give birth. Yes. How do worms give birth? That is TOTES what I discuss with my friends. They then get confused about which orifice babies come out of. I’m going to say it again – private education folks, private education.
Douchelord Spencer and Bounder Hugo go to pick up Caggie and Millie ready for their weekend away. Spencer decides to drop the bombshell that he broke up with Funda, which in his mind leaves the path clear to Caggie. Only if she dates guys with questionable hair and scarves.
So, to Cannes! Of course this means that Caggie and Millie prance around in bikinis on a yacht whilst Spencer and Hugo angst about Spencer and Caggie. So Spencer decides to tell Caggie that he’s split up with Funda. Caggie is totes unimpressed with Spencer’s douchery in not telling her before they went and for not telling Funda about Cannes.
The best bit about Cannes though is that Braying Mark-Francis has a villa there. And Agne is there. Braying Mark is possibly one of the best creations ever. He finds it difficult to find somewhere good to eat in Cannes. One always has that problem, doesn’t one? But why has Braying Mark invited Agne to Cannes? Braying Mark is affronted that Francis has had Agne picking up his dry cleaning and instead proposes that she becomes an antiques expert to help him do up a villa. But of course. To show how truly cosmopolitan he is, Braying Mark orders lunch from his housekeeper in Italian.
Back in London, Ollie has misinterpreted his viewings of America’s Next Top Model and gets Binky and Cheshka to photograph him in a park wearing nothing but some sort of gold thong and some carrots and a pineapple. I… er… yeah. Speechless. Handily, Funda is walking past to laugh at Ollie and drop the goss about splitting up with Spencer.
In another convenient twist of fate, Braying Mark and Agne just happen to be on the same bit of beach as Caggie, Millie, Spencer and Hugo. Agne has been taking stirrer lessons from Rosie and totes texts Funda to tell her the news. Funda is so shocked, she pronounces Cannes as cans. Being a girl, Funda totes blames Caggie and thinks she’s a bitch for going on holiday with Spencer. It’s ok though, Ollie’s invited her to hang out with him and Binky and Cheshka at a garden party. Totes the way to cheer someone up, yah?
Before that though, Ollie trots off to Elite to meet with Fredrik’s agent, Charlie. Ollie seems surprised that Charlie thinks his homo-erotic photos of him posing provocatively with various fruit and veg are a bit gay. Which isn’t quite how you get ahead in modelling. Less sex, more serious. Of course. And cut your hair. Ollie is adamant that he could never cut off his flowing locks. Mainly because he’s worried about his big ears. The solution to that is an ear reduction apparently. Is that even possible?
At dinner in Cannes, Spencer tries his moves on Caggie by inviting her to check out a view with him. Smooth. Oh no, wait, sex pesty. As is declaring undying love for the past six years. Even though he’s had a live in girlfriend that he’s literally just split up with. Caggie shoots down his douchelord antics and tells him his timing is off. Hugo and Millie are busy denying that anything is awkward between them. Even though it’s blatantly a bit awkward. Of course, they totes end up kissing.
It’s the day of the garden party and the awkwardness is off the scale. Francis and Fredrik bump into Braying Mark and Agne. Francis is offended that Braying Mark tried to make off with his staff without him knowing.
Caggie is still trying to make this singing thing happen so of course she’s the entertainment at the garden party. And of course Funda turns up while she’s performing. And of course there’s lots of angsty looks and Caggie forgets her words and oh, the awkwardness. Caggie tells Spencer to talk to her and Ollie, Binky and Cheshka tell Funda she should find out what’s going on. Showdown. Funda has raised her bitch acting game and goes in all bitch guns blazing. Pew! Pew! Then she goes after Caggie. Pew! Pew! Funda says that Caggie is welcome to Spencer which is the biggest slap in the face ever. Who on earth would want to be welcome to such a douchelord?
Next week: Masked balls! Sparkly frocks! More douchery!
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I totes need to catch up – this sounds amazing! And not at all scripted….
P.S. How DO worms give birth?!
Ok, I looked it up. It’s disgusting :S
Where is your episode 7 review!?! please tell me you haven’t stopped doing them, they’re fantastic!!
Yes where is the episode 7 review? I’ve been checking every day! Please don’t stop, can’t wait to hear your take on the Rosie drama!