Made In Chelsea: Season 1 Episode 4 by sel

So last week we had public break ups, shooting and more awkwardness than an ill-judged joke about the bride in a best man’s speech.

The aftermath of Millie getting drunk and buying Hugo from under Bitchface Stirrer Rosie’s nose meant continued awkwardness between them over drinks. That would be to ignore the main story of Caggie fighting with douchelord Spencer. Oh but what’s this? Funda? Invited to drinks with them. Oh well contrived, producers. Well contrived. Awkwardness abounds as she prattles on about being a man and dressing up as Wonder Woman. Of course.

In another attempt to prove how posh he is, Francis is playing polo with “model” Fredrik. He hasn’t fallen off the horse so this may mean he might be a bit posh. Douchelord Spencer and Hugo are playing tennis. See? Posh games for posh people. Rah. Spencer arranges a poker game while Funda invites the girls to a party. Of course. I always invite people I don’t like to parties.

Ollie is flicking his hair around, chatting with Binky and dissecting the aftermath of his breakup with Needy Gabriella. He’s suddenly realised that the reason he wasn’t interested in Needy Gabriella apart from her neediness is that he’s bi-sexual. NO FREAKING WAY! I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING! Oh wait, no, no I did. Ollie seems to think it’s a good thing as it fits in with his greed and wantiness of everything. Well why the hell not. He seems disappointed though that Binky and EVERYONE WHO’S EVER MET HIM OR SEEN HIM knew.

Francis is teaching us more business rules by showing us that it is done to get a suit made and measured with your PA. Remember Mark who didn’t like Topshop? Well, obviously he turns up to discuss how he shops in Milan and Paris and can do trash or biker which could mean anything really.

Stirrer Rosie is having tea with Hugo. Rosie has been stirring and found a video of Funda in what looks like a preamble in a softcore nudey rudey film. Shocking. Hugo reveals he wanted Rosie to win the auction and that he doesn’t particularly think his date with Millie will go well. Such negativity.

So it turns out Funda is a “dancer” which means prancing around in her undercrackers with bits of torn up bin liner stuck on. Spencer is totes jels that she prances round in barely no clothes and thinks that this means that he can tell her what to do and that he should keep her in a kept woman sense. How chivalrous….

Hugo takes Millie to a make your own sushi place for a date. It’s like what a posh person would think a date at Fernando’s would be like. Millie likes suggestive comments. Or didn’t quite understand the implications of what the script said. Either way, there’s a lot of innuendo happening. Hugo decides that he’s going to tell Millie that he’s glad she won him. WAIT A MINUTE! Didn’t he say the opposite to Rosie? Ooh what a bounder.

Binky’s gone to see Needy Gabriella at her “rehearsal studio”. Needy Gabriella is wailing and crying and – oh, that’s apparently her rehearsing. Anyway, she asks Binky if she knows why Ollie was so mean to her. Binky denies all knowledge of anything which is perfectly believable from her.

In our next Francis Boulle Business Lesson, we learn that of course one takes one’s PA to a poker game with one’s friends. Especially if you know she’s a minx who offers to go on a date with the winner of the game. Fredrik tries to work his model charm and thinks that his piano playing will woo Agne in ways it did not woo Millie. They have the same hair so it’s bound to work.

Ollie goes to the salon with Binky to try and wash that girl right out of his hair whilst Cheshka listens to Needy Gabriella whinge on and on about Ollie again. Of course, Ollie happens to call her to see if she wants to meet up so they can chat, yah?

Hugo and Spencer go out for some sort of lunch with Funda, Stirrer Rosie and some random bescarfed dude. Spencer asks Hugo how his date with Millie went while Rosie desperately tries to geg in. Hugo and Spencer turn into teenage girls and pass notes under the table to continue the conversation. Spencer advises him to be a player. Because that’s working out so well for him.

What else do posh people do? Well, they go to gallery openings of course. Where better for more awkwardness as Funda and Caggie try to act. Sorry, try to act friendly. Francis seeks out Mark (who is billed as Mark-Francis but that’s way too confusing) to rah with even though he is clearly a braying buffoon. Not getting any sort of conversation other than BRAYING from Mark, Francis tries to make out he’s a bit of a big deal with someone called Rebecca. She has no idea who he is. Poor Francis. She likes his geek chic thing though. He seems mildly offended then awkwardly suggests that they should do something. Luckily for him, Rebecca has an opening next week. I bet she does, the saucy mare. Rah.

Ollie goes to see Gabriella at her “soundcheck” to try and placate her wailing with some meaningless platitudes. There’s a lot of pouting and flicked hair. And SHOCKED face from Needy Gabriella as she tries to work out what Ollie is trying to tell her. She claims that she knew Ollie didn’t love her which makes her seem even needier than she did before. He tries hard to look bothered bless him but there’s a danger that his foundation might crack if he frowns too hard.

Stirrer Rosie fixes Spencer with her Big Eyes Of Doom and compels him to tell her what he and Hugo were chatting about. Unable to tear himself away from her glare, Spencer caves in and tells her that everyone knows she likes him and is jealous of Millie. Hugo, meanwhile is flirting with Mille. Whilst Spencer is telling Rosie she’s in with a shout. But Hugo and Millie are kissing and talking in code about doing sexy times! Golly!

Next week, GUILT! ARGUMENTS VIA PHONE! SKATEBOARDING!

Comments

1. Caroline says:

   June 3, 2011 at 1:27 pm

   Brilliant blog! Watched this ep last night and this pretty much summed up my thoughts haha. Just to add:
   1) Cheska looks strangely old….
   2) Francis is really starting to remind me of Draco Malfoy. If, instead of being smarmy and cruel, Draco Malfoy was just smarmy and incredibly awkward.
   3) Mark-Francis. Well. Yes. No words necessary, just a lot of braying.
2. Sel says:

   June 3, 2011 at 5:18 pm

   Cheshka DOES look old doesn’t she… I sense some ground breaking investigative journalism is needed here. *awaits nomination for Pulitzer Prize*
3. Ant says:

   June 14, 2011 at 9:28 pm

   Rebecca is fit as.. Hope we see more of her!!!
   Francis is really starting to steal the show I think. At first I thought he was awkward to watch but actually i think he’s just funny!!

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