Young, Rich and House Hunting BBC Three

Spoiler alert: In the course of this programme, which would be more aptly titled ‘Apathetic Youngsters View Some Flats’, not a single person will buy a house.

Johnny and Kieran have problems. They lie back limply on the sofa, their spindly legs barely filling out their skinny jeans, taking a break from their hectic lifestyles.

The eighteen year olds, putting on the most unconvincing show of friendship I’ve ever seen, can’t decide where in London to buy a flat with the £100,000 deposit given to them by their parents. There is also the small issue of how they will pay the mortgage.

‘Just remind me how much you get paid for your gigs,’ Johnny asks Kieran, fixing him with his cold, dead eyes, ‘what other job are you thinking of getting?’

Johnny himself is a model, but barely seems to grasp what modelling is. Watching back footage of himself on the catwalk, he notices a woman in the audience looking at him, ‘look at that good-looking girl; look at her gaze follow me as I walk past.’ Er, Johnny, she’s looking at the clothes. That’s the reason she’s there.
After listlessly looking at a few flats, they decide to give up. Lucky escape, Kieran.

Twenty-two year old Josh has no difficulty acquiring a property; his parents already own, like, six. Also moving into his parents £350,000 flat is best friend Harry. Harry and Josh have big plans for a ‘rock and roll’ flat.

‘I need to talk to you about getting a drum kit,’ says Harry.

‘No’, responds Josh.

Rock on.

Amazingly, Harry’s Dad decides that he doesn’t want his son trashing his beautiful flat, and the move is off. Faced with the possibility of spending his own money on rent, Josh decides to just move psychologically, by which he means he isn’t moving at all, but rather continuing to occupy the top floor of his parent’s house.

Times are also tough for 24 year old Zeno. In the frenzy of house hunting, he has had no time to listen to himself, and is going over to France to meditate with a Vietnamese Buddhist Monk. I feel relieved to hear this, as Zeno seems ill-equipped to cope with the vast sums of ancestral wealth at his disposal.

He is supposed to be looking for an eco house, but spends much of his time walking down misty streets, or lying on the floor singing. The one house he does view, an eco commune in Surrey, he dislikes for being near a road, and looking ‘a bit council’. Zeno is exhausted. His chi is confused, and the cameras leave him wandering listlessly around a park, clutching a withered leaf.

I also watched…

Psychoville, Series 2, Episode 2 BBC Two

As episode one is already responsible for my favourite TV moment of all time – David (‘I’ve done a bad murder’) performing a number from Les Miserables at Robin – I was pretty excited for episode two. If your idea of a great dinner party involves the hostess attempting to kill one of the guests by lacing his Angel Delight with peanuts, before performing a grotesque (AMAZING) impression of Tina Turner around the kitchen, then this is definitely something you should watch. It also contains rubbish clowns, and a mad librarian.

Strangeways ITV1

So, who else watched this unrelentingly grim prison documentary because they thought they could get some sweet comedy mileage out of it for a humorous TV review? Oh, just me then. Don’t judge me, I’ve learnt my lesson. I didn’t used to know what a ‘dirty protest’ was, and you can’t get that kind of innocence back. By the end of the programme, I found myself pondering the justice system, its many failures, and what will become of David, a perfectly mobile repeat offender who refused to move without the aid of a wheelchair. Such thoughts were NOT what I wanted on a Monday evening.

Next week I will be watching…Dating in the Dark.

Leave a Reply

Your Name

E-mail address

We have absolutely no interest in e-mailing you,
selling your details or sharing your address.

Website

Comment

Captcha

Submit Comment