Fourteen Apprenticees remain, and we still haven’t learned all their names. Plus we’d already forgotten about Alex, who was fired after last week’s app challenge.

An early morning start sees the teams’ ominous people carriers drop them off at The Savoy. The hotel refurbishers have spent hundreds of millions redecorating, and, conveniently, they’re ten items short. And they need two sets of each. The team that spends the least money on their ten items win.

Leon, Jim and Glenn swap teams with Melody and three of the ones without names. Susan and Gavin put their names forward as managers of Venture and Logic.

First on the list: A top hat. How will The Savoy ever open without a top hat? This is SERIOUS.

The teams make their phone calls, and Susan’s team are off to pick up their items. Gavin’s team don’t do so well, with Natasha phoning the Ritz and asking for their suppliers, with predictably terse results.

In the hat shop that the King of Tonga uses (fact fans), Leon embarrasses himself by dicking about in the topper, Susan embarrasses herself by negotiating, and the other one embarrasses herself by berating the shopkeeper behind his back: “He wouldn’t even knock one penny off. How greedy!” They find a hat elsewhere, and manage to knock him down by that whole penny. Dunno why they’re paying £349.99 though: you can get them for a tenner in Argos.

Gavin hasn’t managed to source a single item. Seems fair enough, hardly anywhere in London sells steak. Vincent Dinosaur runs his sub-team, which consists mostly of listening to Natasha raising an offer while a sign-maker says no. He gets excited when bagging a 25% discount on that lovely, lovely steak, but doesn’t know that he still paid more than Susan’s team.

Gav’s making it look effortlessly difficult. No screaming, shouting or blaming, just quietly getting on with being crap. They try to buy a top hat from Top Hat Dry Cleaners, and look horrendously desperate while asking for three quid off some fabric.

Typically, they have a last-minute dash around London’s finest bog-roll factories, head shops and milliners “closing” and “negotiating” and “being arseholes”. Gavin buys some camomile tea for two hundred quid, while Susan is quoted more than £900, before picking it up at half price.

We wonder about the ice that’s on the list. Could they turn up with a carrier bag full of water, and act like they’d bought it first thing? No, of course not, Nick Hewer would dob them in.

THE BOARDROOM

Alan hands out his customary bollockings. He wants to know why they thought the tea was worth £990. Because there’s loads of it, you daft sod.

Susan’s team win by just £8, which is a lot closer than it deserved. Gavin’s team were an absolute mess, with no idea what to do or where to go.

Their prize is an evening in a bar, with two women in swimsuits fannying about on the table. It’s all fun and games until someone has their drink kicked over. Or Leon joins in.

Alan’s not pleased with Gavin and co spending three hours thinking. ‘e doesn’t doo finking. They bicker over who should have sourced the ice, and it’s all pantomime sniping and backstabbing. It’s Jeremy Kyle in suits.

Zoe talks for the first time, and it’s less of a voice, more of a whine, every syllable taking an hour to spill out. Gavin brings back Vincent, and Zoe – who didn’t make a single sale. She has a dead look behind her eyes, like she’s had a harrowing negotiation incident in her past.

Gavin and the Dinosaur bicker, with Vincent upsettingly referring to himself in the third person. Zoe hasn’t had the chance to use her voice, which is best for everyone.

However, the failure of the task was arbitrarily down to management, and Gavin is fired!

Next week: Beauticians bicker in the boardroom.

Comments

1. Tim says:

   May 20, 2011 at 1:26 pm

   This so nearly ended up being a repeat of last year, when Jamie’s team of disorganised negotiators beat Liz’s team of no-discount shoppers. But Gavin was bloody useless, wasn’t he? Top Hat Dry Cleaners indeed! Even so, Jim’s sneaky extra tenner off the steak made the difference. To be honest, whoever sourced the tea on Susan’s team deserved to be fired too.

   http://slouchingtowardsthatcham.com/2011/05/19/the-apprentice-gavin-gets-savoy-grilling-as-venture-secure-top-hat-trick/

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