Guys and Dolls: Enter the World Where Men Date Inanimate Objects by Nick Bryans

They see me rollin'...

Sometimes you’ll see things on the internet that will shock you in it’s oddness. Other things online you’ll struggle to believe are real. Now i’ve seen some bizarre shit in my time, but Dollforum.com takes the biscuit, dunks it into a cup of mental and sprinkles some ‘batshit crazy’ dust on it.

Dollforum.com is online message board for men who like dolls. I don’t mean dolls as in ‘women’ in the eyes of 1960s Italian-American jazz club owners, but actual life-size dolls. It’s just like a normal relationship, except that the woman aren’t, you know, breathing. Or have a pulse. Or are human.

On the the forum they swap photos, stories, and….cleaning tips. Lovely mental image. The forum delicately toes the line between harmless fun and undiagnosed mental condition. Some of the dolls look incredibly lifelike. (NWS)

And some… don’t.

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Which seems to be an odd half rabbit half human creation.

The forum is divided into 3 sections; Eye Candy, Inventors Corner and Repair and Maintenance. Eye Candy is where uses upload pictures of the dolls in various states of undress; a bit like a very perverted Madame Tussads.

Inventors corner is where the real weird stuff happens. One user, in devising an electric winch to hold up his doll constructed this;

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I can’t even begin to comprehend what the fuck that’s for.

Slightly weirder was one user who had a solution for doll fans with big aspiration but little money;

For all the people who love silicone sex dolls but don’t have the money for one? Your not alone, I have spent years making my own silicone sex dolls and I want to share this with anybody who wants to learn to make there own homemade silicone sex doll.

It’s like a very sordid Blue Peter. (NWS)

However, one user was keen to break the fourth wall and humanise his doll, but not like with some sort of electronic voice box or something to emit warmth from it (showing all my knowledge here), no they’re a bit more eccentric in this place. But you probably already knew that.

Okay, so maybe I’m a little “out there,” but we live in an age our dolls are getting more and more life-like, thank God for that and some can even talk to us, we have ejaculating dildo’s and watersports is a pretty common topic. So it got me to thinking…

I want to know if anyone plans, or has made, an insert, or a type of bladder for any of the dolls in order to have your doll do some watersports with you?? Anyone know of anything like this??

Or, since there are so many inventors here, can anyone make something like this??

……………what?

I knew when I first met her, it was love at first sight. She had that look in her eyes that said. 'I have no internal organs (NWS)

Then there’s the repair section, where you can fix problems with your doll, such as, I dunno, damaged limbs I guess. It’s a bit like A + E for inanimate objects. One member has a problem with his doll. He bought a SECOND HAND SEXDOLL which is just about the most horrendous thing I’ve ever heard, then found a number of tears near the doll’s vagina. I don’t know what kind of crazy sex these guys are having with their dolls, but how the fuck do you damaged a fanny?

It appears however that it is a common problem in the doll community, especially for one poster who is banging his with such verocity that he has had to repair the labia twice.

The first labia replacement was less than successful. It loosened after a few strokes. As an emergency solution I mixed some two part and glued the labia in place. That was a waste of time. Two strokes later, all my work was in vain.

He must be the only guy in world who has to keep a tool-belt handy when he’s bonking.

The main section of the forum is ‘Eye Candy!’ where forrumers post pictures of their ladies. Some are just the odd picture of her sitting in a chair or bent double over a bed, but some are like drawn out little slidereel stories. Like this one:

Hi Guys.Woke up this morning a Kris reminded me that we had a wedding reception and I had to plan her make up and outfit.So here is what I did to get her ready.

Looks a bit like January Jones from the right angle.

I really, really hope he turned up to the wedding with a doll.

Then there’s one user, who wrote poetry and got professional studio photos done with his;

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Good thing I have a very big candlestick… so my light should not go out for many many decades from now, and my love for my dolls will not either – it burns ever so brightly, fiercely, some might even say a bit arrogantly, but elegantly.

Beautiful.

Now, there is two ways to look at this. One way is to say that you have a collection of men who long for some sort of companionship in a cruel world, and the dolls provide it for them. Or the other way to look at it is slightly more pessimistic and negatively. The conception these men have of women is so archaic and illogical that it’s no wonder that they long for dolls for company. Every doll is almost a parody of mainstream ideals. Comedically big and out of proportion breasts, massive plump lips, deep tans and not a wrinkle in sight. The bulk of the content is just lurid photos of the life-like dolls. The whole thing just comes across a small section of misfits objectifying the female form. Yes, they’re not harming anyone, but their mental image of how one’s parter should look and act is quite deplorable. These seem to be men with no interest in an actual woman, with thoughts and opinions, but rather have these doll like images of perfection that don’t speak, act, think or age and simply idealised as manifestation or someone’s obsolute views on how women should be.

Look, it’s harmless fun, fair enough. But it is slightly depressing that these men are content with an absurdly looking inanimate object, rather than attempt to form a relationship with an actual, conscious, real woman.

Saying that, there’s some things in the doll community that’s can’t be explained by logical thought. Like, erm, this;

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That’s a really special kind of depraved.

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