In news that will no doubt disappoint Richard Dawkins, the spiritual afterlife was today confirmed as fact. Don’t worry, this isn’t the deluded, slightly mad claims of someone who nearly died and their religious family. Oh. Wait. That’s exactly what it is.

The delightfully named “Colton Burpo” is a four year old from Nebraska. The Mail picks up the story:

While he was in the operating theatre his parents, Todd and Sonya, prayed, believing they were going to lose their son.

However, Colton soon recovered and then told his astonished parents that he had met the sister his mother had miscarried a year before his own birth.

What made this even more remarkable was his parents had never spoken to him about her.

And frankly, if that’s not enough proof for you to re-evaluate everything you thought about life, the universe and other stuff, then there’s something wrong with you. It’s there in black and white. His parents had NEVER spoken to him about her.

The youngster said: ‘She looked familiar and she started giving me hugs and told me she was glad to have someone from her family up there.

‘She doesn’t have a name though, she said they never gave her one. But she can’t wait for her mom and dad to come to Heaven to meet her.’

Okay, he doesn’t actually mention that it’s his sister. At least, not in the bit the Mail saw fit to quote. But there’s absolutely no chance it could be anything else. No chance that it was him seeing his mother, or a generic face, or even himself or something. He was in critical condition, for crying out loud.

He said: ‘I remember Jesus, there’s streets of gold and a lot of colours. I sat on Jesus’ lap and then I just felt safe. God, he is the biggest one in Heaven, he can hold the world in his hands.’

Assuming that he’s not making this up himself, who else would possibly want to spread the word of god in such an insidious way?

[Daddy Burpo] is also pastor of the Crossroads Wesleyan Church in Imperial.

Oh.

The Burpos have written a book about the experience and Colton, now aged 11, continues to share his stories of Heaven.

Ah.

One thing that does puzzle us, though:

His sister “doesn’t have a name … she said they never gave her one“. So presumably, she’s grown up enough to talk. But then:

The child also claimed that he saw his great-grandfather, Pop, who had died more than 30 years before.

However, he didn’t recognise Pop from a picture taken shortly before his death but from one of him as a young man.

So gramps has gone back in time, while sis has grown up and learned English.

Could it be even slightly possible that the entire thing is cynical bollocks designed to sell a few books? Of course not: Jesus told me that it’s all true.

Comments

1. josephmcarr says:

   March 9, 2011 at 6:50 pm

   Firstly,a miscarriage means the child was not baptized but presumably still burdened with original sin. So wherever this kid went it wasn’t heaven….
   Secondly ‘I remember Jesus, there’s streets of gold and a lot of colours. I sat on Jesus’ lap and then I just felt safe.’ Was Jesus fatter and older than usual? Cos it sounds more like you went to Santas grotto (except for the feeling safe part ) .

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