Take Me Out: Series 2 Episode 11 by Tim Ward
Lucy
It’s the middle of the weekend, so it must be time for the greatest TV show since Man O Man – it’s Take Me Out!
Padster McG brings out the 30 ladies looking for love, including Julie who looks like one of those eccentric older women you get… you know, one of the odd ones.
Lad number one is thrown into the den – it’s Frankie from Bedford. He’s more eyebrows than man, and reveals that he loves a bit of pampering. The kinda lad your granddad would hate.
He loses seven lights, including Vikki who didn’t like the eyebrows. Nicola reveals ‘eyebrows’ was her favourite subject in college. The college probably had padded walls and no scissors or shoelaces.
A few lights go off when he tells us he’s after a girl who is “intelligent”, including Nicola. “I’m not very intelligent”, says Nic, which is the most obvious statement ever uttered.
Frankie ‘sings’ Johnny B Goode and bags himself a date. He tells Sonia she “has a sparkle in her eye” which is vomit-inducing. After running around, he dumps Sonia first, then the Scat twins and Lucy, obviously. A few go and he’s left with Booby Samantha and Nicole. He asks them to woo him in French – Nicole rolls it off her tongue and Sam does a Del Boy impression. He ignores the boobs and goes for Nicole. Sam then pretends to be Ashley Cole (topical joke!) and mocks shooting them.
Our daters from last week now, Ryan and Luissa. They had off surfing, so there’s a perfect excuse for him to be topless and a shot of her in her bikini. Ryan strides out of the sea trying his hardest to be Daniel Craig. They have some fodder but there isn’t any romance here. Next!
Friend of the site, Heidi
Lad number two is Riccardo from Dunfermline. Marysia is baffled by the general concept of the show and thinks her light is off when it isn’t. Riccy is an “Italian Stallion”, working in a chip shop. He also DJs, and after his video Samantha says her favourite film is “Codfather”. In scenes reminiscint of the Generation Game gone awry, Riccardo makes some pizzas while Paddy yells generic Italian sounds.
He’s got himself a date and Paddy says he should turn off the lights of the girls who “don’t stuff your crust” – probably not allowed to say of the girls “whose crust you wouldn’t stuff” on primetime. He’s left with two other Scots, Linds and Vikki, who he picks. Off they go to Fernandos!
Another date from last week now, Dan and Krista have a go on a pedalo, have a nicey nicey date and will be seeing more of each other.
Gentleman three, and he is a true gent, Michael from Hertfordshire, who looks like a dodgy antiques dealer from Lovejoy. He might be the poshest person ever to appear on ITV and you can’t imagine him ever watching Take Me Out.
He keeps 14 lights including the increasingly unhinged Zsa Zsa who mimics his posh accent. He plays the Addams Family theme on the harpsichord and still has six lights left. Yvonne says she likes a man who “can handle an instrument”, which nearly gives Michael palpitations.
He lives up to our nearly assumption, and reveals he’s an antiques dealer. Oh and an Anglican chaplain. He asks the remaining two, Zsa Zsa and Julie which historical monument they’d be. Double Z says “Statue of Liberty” as she carries a torch for him and would go green if he picked someone else. Julie’s answer is shit. “Go green!” she says. Not really an answer there Jules. Michael picks Julie, turning off Zsa Zsa’s light, then flirting with Yvonne before whisking Julie off.
Zsa Zsa
Jojo and Dean from last week now. They had off for a bit of go-karting and after their dinner decide they’ll see each other again! Yay!
Sunny from Sussex is our last lad. Peggy says he “looks like JLS.” Yes, all four of them. He’s a good looking lad and is an IT project manager. But despite being “attractive” and having a good job, he bakes cakes so loses 14 lights.
We are then treated to a truly bizarre sight. Sunny dances to Get Your Freak On on top of a giant wedding cake. Honestly, if anyone was watching this while on hallucinogenic drugs they would’ve freaked out by now and jumped out of the window.
He’s got himself a date with a few lights left including Samantha the Boobs and Lucy. Yes Lucy has left her light on… again. It’s only a matter of time before he launches herself over her podium at the lads just to get in there first.
He gets rid of Lucy, who must wonder why she bothers, despite being genuinely nice and pretty. Sunny is left between the two Samanthas. He ignores the “tassle-twirling talents” of Hooty McBoobs, who jiggles her chest about before he turns her light off. He is a stronger man than me and picks Samantha H!
That’s it for this week!
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I never watch this show but that did make me laugh, oh and now I have the theme song from man o man in my head.
You have me so right-there was more to my BRILLIANT answer but it got cut out!!!!!
I am definately a weird older woman though!
what needs moderating-I hate technology!
AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGG!
Don’t worry, Julie, everything’s going to be okay.
Wow, is it the real Julie?
Does she count as a celebrity yet?
Course it’s the real Julie. It says so in her name.
Hi Julie!
..Julie don’t let it get at you its only a game show….critic!!!! But what about our poor Lucy? She must be feeling like the most rejected woman on the planet – shes had more rejections than the hunchback of Notredam!!!!! Is it that shes””dare I say? ……WELSH? Whats it against us Welsh? Yes, I confess – from the valleys me isnt it? Boyo? Lucy is one of the prettiest, sparkling girls there and shes not TOO TALL – could have fitted in with loads of the singlemen. Just a tip then love, when ol Pads talks to you give a VERY short answer is a husky voice – perhaps the boys won’t catch on …then when on a date – sing to him. Good luck…….keep that light on!!!!
When Jo Jo and Dean are go karting. Does anyone know the name of the song!? Its been bugging me for ages