It’s Saturday. It’s time for Take Me Out! Let’s get to it!

Paddy gets the girls out, and here they are with legs, boobs and dreams of love.

Let the squirrel see the nuts.

The first lad braving it in the dragons’ den decides to front-flip into his doom. It’s Sam from Warrington! He loses no lights.

The girls love our Sam, including new nutcase Zsa Zsa. In his video he’s a jumpy, jumpy free-runner. Which is, you know, a thing that the kids do. He loses a few lights, but nothing to write home about. He’s a described as “a young Dick van Dyke”, but unfortunately we don’t find out if he can do a Cockney accent.

Sam prances around the stage like a lunatic, with one of those metal grinder things on his cock. Sir Metal Balls impresses enough women to get a date. After some dicking around with more needless flips, Sam picks Claire! Yay!

Nice Sophie is the new girl. Let’s see if she gets snapped up soon.

Our first date from last week is Rick and Megan. They’re all white t-shirts and denim. Dinner is the normal TMO awkward munch-fest. BUT WILL THERE BE ANOTHER DATE?!

Next guy out is Charles from Birmingham, who seems more awful to us than to the girls, who all leave their lights on. He’s South African, and we’re struggling to understand him. He video shows him cunting about the canals, but the girls dont like the fact he works as the Love Doctor on the radio. Scat are up for it, though. Our man gets a date, and with loads of choice, plumps for Carol. I hope he ruins her… in a romantic way, obviously. Afterwards he implies he wishes he’d gone for the other girl. You’re off to a flying start, Carol.

Time to shine for our new girl, Samantha H!

Second date from last week: Dean and Cheryl, who appear to be finalists in a “most teeth” competition. They go on a boat trip, have a swim and a giggle. They see dolphins and go for dinner, where our man knocks over a drink. No more dates! Someone only left their light on to get a holiday.

Next lad is a snappy dresser. It’s Simon from “err…..Essex”. He looks like a tit, but yet 23 girls are after a bit of “Gok Wan”. He loves trainers, and wants to run a marathon. He’s got awful tattoos, but carries a sufficient number of lights into the final round.

His “talent” is dressing as a generic super hero… and thats it. Weirdly though, he has a guaranteed date! After more twatting about turning off lights, he goes for Natalie, who I will be interviewing for this site this week!

Last week we had Richard and Jackie. Jackz has breasts so Ricky is a fan. They do some wakeboarding (sadly not waterboarding) and have some food. Jackso makes it clear she doesnt fancy Rick by talking about her ex… constantly. In the videos afterwards, she talks about how comfortable she felt talking about her ex. He mentions that he really hated her banging on about her ex. Oops. No romance here.

Our last bloke is Steven from Nottingham! Yet again, the girls all leave their lights on. Jesus girls, come on. Really? REALLY?!

Stevo’s film shows him photographing and painting. He is oh-so-creative. Lauren disliked his shirt so got rid of him.

Jo Jo likes him, as do Scat and Lucy! I mean, of course Lucy. Lucy likes everyone. His “talent” is cross dressing and singing! He’s a drag act! He’s battling for lights….! BUT NO! All lights gone…and, to be fair, rightly so… What the fuck are you doing Steve? Jesus. ALLLL BYYY MYYYYY SEEEELLLLLLF…

Did we learn anything from tonight’s episode? No. Except that this has been awesome.

Tim Ward was drunk

Comments

1. Wardy says:

   February 16, 2011 at 11:57 am

   Yeah, I was spannered when writing this.
2. John 'Darkseid' Batchelor says:

   February 16, 2011 at 1:11 pm

   I was drunk while you wrote this. Also the blog is better than the show.
3. shoutingatco.ws says:

   February 16, 2011 at 3:39 pm

   Can we have free Virgin media, please?

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