Rubbish and Sinister Waxworks by Nick Bryans

Waworks are wank. I’m sorry, but they are. What exactly is the point?

‘Hey, you wanna go see all your favorite celebrities today?’

‘HELL YES! What’s going on?’

‘Well it’s not really them, it’s wax-based replicas of them. In a warehouse’

‘Never speak to me again’

For some reason, it was the staple of trips to London as a kid. Buckingham Palace, Downing Street, Madame Tussauds. It was as if there was only two things to do in London and parents needed something else to fill out the day. Camden Market? Tate Modern? Hyde Park? Nah, we’ll just take them to see a waxwork of Nigel Havers. They’ll love that.

Madame Tussauds is very popular. And as with anything popular, you get imposters who try and get a slice of this big cash pie with their rubbish imitations. Here are some examples of this:

- Awful. The guy a the back looks like an albino Lee Mack. Melt them all down and just build a giant Waxy John Lennon.

- Do we really need a wax-work of Blobby? He already plastic, for fuck sake. Back left, Is that Rene from Allo Allo?…….

- I don’t who or what that is. I don’t even think it’s a waxwork, I think it’s a sex-toy they’ve stuck in there to fill out the display a bit. Looks like Mr Bean is after a bit of side-boob…..

- The body of Tiger Woods and the face of Bill Cosby. Interesting…

- What the fuck is that a waxwork of? Fritzl’s basement?

- If you need to put name tags out, then it’s a shit waxwork.

- That’s the healthiest Gazza has looked in years.

Looks a bit like that scene in American Physco, where the prostitute discovers the bath full of limbs………only, naturally, in wax form. Why not…

……………… speechless. I mean, the guy on the right looks like Prince Charles…

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WHY! WHY GOD WHY! Even the good ones are rubbish, yet people produce these abominations?

I give up…

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