It’s Saturday night! It’s 8pm! And if you’ve got no friends, that means only one thing! Time for Take Me Out! So let’s get on with the show with Patrick McGiniz!

The ladies come out – all legs, boobs and high heels – hoping for love, romance… but a quick fumble may well do.

Lad number one is Jack Tweed! No, wait, it’s Harry from Coventry! Wearing those boots tossers wear. He’s “bang tidy” apparently though…we had this last week – we think that’s good. His job is “being an accountant” which surely isn’t the way that’s said. He’s a model, has a sports car and generally is a bit of tool. He’s running out of lights. Abi-Scarlett, who may be mentally challenged, likes him because her dog is called Harry! HIS NAME IS LIKE THE DOG’S NAME!

Harry’s parents (Harry the man, not the dog) bought him a nose job… awww, ain’t that sweet? He’s definitely got himself a date and after twatting about, including turning off our favourite, Heidi (favourite because she flirts with Tim on Twitter – Ed), he’s off with Joanne! Turning down child-like Abi-Scarlett, who was third in Miss Burnley… Christ, tenth must’ve been a state.

“What happened last week?” time now, Scott and Kieeneeey. Scott loves himself and is such a cock it’s hard to watch. Kieney already hates him. Scott takes a shine to her and at dinner she starts to come around (not from the Rohypnol or anything – Ed). And they’re talking about being “the one”…. TAKE ME OUT WEDDING ON THE CARDS!

Lad two is the finest looking gentleman to ever walk the earth, it’s David from Luton. Quite the silver fox! He loses a lot of lights, but twelve girls fancy some slippery silver action. He’s a postman, but he also has his nails done and goes on sunbeds. He does jigsaws. Still got six lights on! Can he get through one more round for a date?!  He starts to read out a self-penned poem: “Dear ladies…”  ALL LIGHTS OUT. David might die alone now…with his jigsaws.

It’s Chiryl from last week now! They do some salsa dancing and get on well. Chi is a decent lad and she seems nice… more romance on the cards and they’ll see each other again!

Last week’s David (the lying blind fitter) and Donna now. Go-karting first up. David wears a child’s outfit, necessitating the display of his torso. Inevitably the guitar solo from The Chain is played and they’re off for dinner. David tries to smarm his way into a kiss. Then compliments her too much. He’s overly nice but apparently Donna prefers bastards and there’s no romance here.

Third lad this week is a Mick Jagger wannabe. It’s Richie from Sheffield. Heidi thinks he looks like a Bee Gee… hopefully not the dead one. His video shows that he’s a singer in a rock band and speaks Spanish. He alludes to the fact that he’s shagged groupies and the ladies quite like our Richie. Elle thinks it’s the last round and gives overly scripted answers. He grabs his guitar and sings a love a song. He sings pretty well in English and Spanish and certainly has a date! But not Natalie – she’s after a rocker. Should’ve picked our silver fox David. Rich has eight to choose from and it’s down to Tasha and Becky. Both blondies, so he’s got a type. He’s picked Tasha, who was once dumped by her fiancé via e-mail – the shit. She’s lovely.

John and Lisa from last week now. They go for a massage and a bath. Might as well have a waterbed in there and a gimp mask. She cuts his toenails, which is weird. They’re getting on famously and have cocktails and a bit of “banter”. Top bantz. He’s turned down three proposals in the past saying he only believes in “true love” – it’s a technique that gets Lisa salivating. They’ll be screwing before the end of the episode. These dates have been overly successful haven’t they? Hopefully lad four will be a lunatic…

He’s a Danny Dyer-type wide-boy banterrific tool, it’s Gary from County Tyrone. Carol, from Limerick, loves the Irish accent. She probably should’ve stopped at home really – bet there’s loads of Irish accents there. He plays Quidditch or Gaelic Football as it’s generally known. Peggy can’t understand a word he says “baat I lyke lukin’ at cha”. His mate reveals his sexual harassment techniques. Including a panther-skin blanket. His mate says there’s “no escaping the tiger”… it’s a panther… seriously… it’s black. TIGERS HAVE STRIPES.

Sam and Cat, The Scat Twins, are both still in and he’s got himself a date. He should keep Scat in as that’d be hilarious. He doesn’t think so and gets rid of both. He’s got Irish Carole and Orange Elle to choose from. They’re the further apart two girls so he’s got some work to fake turning lights off here. He fakes a few times but ignores geography and goes for North Wales’ Elle, who once threw a microwave at an ex. She is mental. Blatantly. She’s got that “look”.  He immediately thinks he’s made the wrong choice. Next week will be interesting.

Right that’s TMO done for another week. So long!

Comments

1. Ellie says:

   January 18, 2011 at 2:29 pm

   I give this blog 10 stars purely for the genius comparison of David from Luton to David Letterman – v good shout.
   Also, Gary and Richie are idiots for both choosing the worst girl from their final two. In fact Gary is King of the Morons
2. Sel says:

   January 18, 2011 at 11:13 pm

   You forgot to mention Richie from Sheffield was also Richie from 90s popsters Let Loose. It’s actual factual – Twitter said so.
3. Dan says:

   January 24, 2011 at 10:20 pm

   Where’s the episode 6 review? I hope there’s one on its way!!

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