It’s that time of the week when Lord Sir of Bolton Paddy McGuiness guides us through another hour of Take Me Out. Let’s get to it!

Here come the lovely ladies; including Natalie, who last week was robbed of dream-man Fabian, by a Scouse munchkin. And now the first hapless loser in love – it’s Scott from Cambridge, who was evidentially close to a River Island store when it blew up. Not one – NOT ONE – light went off. Either I’ve got bad taste in men, or the ladies are starting to get desperate as the weeks roll on.

He loses some lights during the video, as he reveals that he likes to look his best and play football. But he’s still got some of the girls’ hearts a-fluttering – including friends of the blog, Heidi and Scat! Peggy wasn’t keen on him; she denounces him as vain, big-headed and arrogant. We like Peggy. Scott inexplicably then dances like Michael Jackson, complete with shiny suit and glove. But he’s definitely got a date! After dicking around for ages, with the ladies forming packs to protect their fellow/rival girls’ lights, he chooses…Kenny. Oh, sorry, Kieney, who thinks he’s “bang tidy”. Is that good?

Time to find out what happened on Danny and Laura from last week’s date. She jet-skied like a mentalist; he rode it like a old lady. Then it’s dinner. They don’t appear to say much to each other …and that’s the end of that.

Moving on!

Man #2 is John from Manchester. And again, no lights off. The girls are gagging for something, ANYTHING, this week. He’s got a touch of OCD and a rough-looking niece, but still has 23 lights on. He tries to do a snooker trick-shot and fails the first time, losing more lights. These girls are after a John Virgo-kinda guy, not this Jim Davidson-esque hack. He finally stops twatting about and has got himself a date with… Lisa, who is practically tripping over her knickers to run over to him.

Now it’s catch-up time with last week’s love-match, Stuart and Pag…Pegha? Pegger? Whatever. They mountain-bike around the island of Fernando’s. Well, Stu did. Our bellydancer is a danger to traffic. At dinner, our lass tells Stu she likes “tall, dark men”… Stu is “average height with blonde hair”. So, no romance here… again.

Right, lad #3 is Chi from LAHHNDAHN…again no lights get turned off. Christ – if the girls go out after the show for drinks, men must end up being ripped to shreds. Corene says he looks like Will Smith, which he doesn’t. He just happens to be black. Luckily, Corene – unlike Louis Walsh – is black, so it’s not racist! Yay!

Chi, being 6’8″ and…well,um… [leave it – Ed] nevermind, he plays basketball to impress our ladies. And it works on most. His video shows he also does mixed martial arts. His job, we assume, is at the London Dungeons dressing up as various lunatics. He mentions how he wants someone loyal and a light goes off. But he’s got a date! After some of the funniest feigns, dummies, banter and generally brilliant light-turning-off, he chooses…

Cheryl! She thinks she’s won the lottery! YAY!

They will now be dubbed Chiryl. By me.

Our final couple from last week is Fabian and Kate. Bit of a whale-watching, she goes for a swim but he wimps out. They have a lovely dinner, but she just doesn’t fancy him. For fuck’s sake – will any of these dates be successful? Maybe our final lad this week will be lucky in lust!

It’s David from Nottingham! Who, and this is serious, works with my brother. Seriously. He claims he “has his own window blinds business” – he doesn’t. My brother owns half of it. Anyway, without knowing this, six girls turn their lights off. He is shown lying about his business, prancing about with his ma and declaring his love for Girls Aloud.

His sisters allude to the fact that he tries to shag the women he fits blinds for, obviously confusing real-life with 1970s soft-porn films. But despite being stitched up, Confessions of a Window Blind-Fitter has a date! He doesn’t have the same light-turning-off panache as Chi (from Chiryl), but he finally chooses Donna! They share an awkward hug. And that’s your lot for this week!

Comments

1. Max de Winter says:

   January 13, 2011 at 2:33 pm

   Brilliant, as per!

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