The Mail’s Sympathetic Approach to Weight by shoutingatco.ws

According to today’s Mail, overweight folk don’t have it easy.

A study of 2,257 people, of which 1,467 were deemed to be overweight, found that fat people experience a crisis of confidence when looking in the mirror and at holiday snaps, seeing old friends, trying clothes on in a shop, and getting dressed for a night out.

It’s probably shit to be really overweight. We mean pavement worryingly overweight. Years of alcohol and curry abuse have left us slightly blubberyer than we’d like, and watching homemade pornography back is an exercise in being disturbed. But we’re nowhere near as tubby as this lass. Yet.

Let's be honest, she can't see the readout.

She’s definitely a bit more than “13 stone and three pounds” and a bit less than “aged between 45 and 54“, but the point probably stands. Her life can’t be ideal. There’s got to be loads of struggles, just from having to squeeze onto public transport, getting childish looks from strangers in restaurants, or being uncertain about whether a chair will hold her weight.

Luckily, the Daily Mail is on hand to sympathetically deal with people who are on the porky side, especially those who used to be thin and have added a few pounds…

There’s Dan Ackroyd, described as “larger than life”, “portlier” and is jibed with “Who you gonna call? WeightWatchers!”

Or DJ Fatboy “Norman” Slim, who has an “unsightly pot belly”, displayed when his “gut spilled out over his waistband”. Don’t miss his “bulging tummy and sagging chest” – not much hope; there’s four photos of him.

Also, Jack Osbourne, who is “losing the battle of the bulge”. His mum, Sharon, gets the same tagline. Kevin Federline is “tubby-again”, while John Travolta is both “tubby” and “greasy”. George Michael gets a full on weight assassination, complete with “cor, ain’t he fatter than he was in the 80s” photo:

Millionaire singer George Michael wears his wealth on his girth - as the well-fed star was seen leaving a restaurant last night, begging the question, does he really need another expensive restaurant meal?

Britney Spears, one of the hottest women around, had “porky” legs, and the lovely Katy Perry has a dress that “clung in all the wrong places”.

On top of this unnecessary bullshit, there’s an ongoing obsession with cellulite. You know, that dimply leg thing that nobody gives a shit about in the real world.

• Rihanna
• Mischa Barton
• Lady Gaga
• Heidi Montag
• Chantelle Houghton
• Fergie
• Jerry Hall (aged 52!)
• Britney Spears
• Kate Moss
• Pamela Anderson
• J Lo
• Kim Kardashian
• Martine McCutcheon
• Sienna Miller
• Ola Jordan
• Elle Macpherson
• Courteney Cox
• Sharon Stone
• Kim Cattrall
• Penny Lancaster
• Felicity Huffman
• Jennifer Love Hewitt

And so it continues. And if that tremendous list of the flaws of otherwise beautiful people (and Martine McCutcheon) isn’t depressing enough for non-obese folk, imagine what it’s like for people who are already humiliated five times a day. Must be a real thrill to be told that even Pamela Anderson doesn’t have a good enough body for the Mail.

They’re like the racist old granny at a family party, sneering over everyone and everything. Can’t wait to tell you how you’ve fucked up, failed or disappointed.

Nice one, Daily Mail Reporter.

Still, at least they can get jobs playing darts, or something.

Comments

1. Carrie says:

   January 3, 2011 at 11:52 pm

   I genuinely believe Ola Jordan may be one of the most beautiful, effortlessly attractive and sexy women in the Western world. And I’m a straight woman. No wonder even she is insecure about her body when stupid newspapers and magazines fixate on the tiniest perceived problems with the way people look.
2. Neil Fairbairn says:

   January 5, 2011 at 2:07 am

   Why worry about your weight at all?

   A clever camera angle hides everything.

   Who goes out into the real world anymore these days?

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