Take Me Out: Series 2 Episode 3 by sel

Because I pay Hard Earned Money for it, it seems somehow wrong not to watch Take Me Out in spangly High Definition. Well it is wrong, mainly because you can tell how old the wimmin are by counting the layers of foundation and bronzer on their bizarrely haggard faces.

This week, almost as if the new year has ramped up the desperation, there seems to be a lot of corset action. Natalie’s wearing one. She’s the tall one who would write you poetry and stalk you if you dared to break up with her. Our Paddy reminds Lucy that she’s lost out on HOT DATES twice now. She doesn’t seem too pleased with this.

The first boy out is Lee from Blue. He’s pretending he’s Stuart from Oxford though. Apparently all the girls fancy Lee from Blue. Who knew?

Stuart Not Lee likes cooking. Three of the girls don’t like eating so they turn their lights off. He loses even more for playing cricket and thinking he’s the shiz. Pegah still likes him though and quite frankly who wouldn’t want to go out with a girl called Pegah? Natalie asks if he roasts nuts – he does. Jo Jo decides to imbue this with innuendo in a desperate effort to appear alluring.

Stuart does rowing on a machine. His technique is appalling. This would naturally translate to him being a rubbish kisser. Be warned. Jo Jo’s attempts at seduction failed as he turns her light out to leave Pegah and Lisa – high maintenance and menopausal respectively.

Stuart obviously digs Pegah’s name and picks her. Pegah used to be a WAG and has Bad Roots.

The next boy is on and pretends he’s Russell Brand. Natalie practically leaps over her light box to grab him. He’s called Fabian.

Fabian. You think on that for a minute.

Fabian looks a bit scared about how excited Natalie is. He should be even though he looks like a Camden leisure pirate. Let’s find out more about him, shall we?

Well, his friends know nothing about the 1970s and he’s a teacher. This means he probably has a bunch of teenage girls obsessively in love with him who would cut a bitch if they so much as shared the same air as him. Chelsea thinks he looks high maintenance. She should know. For his ‘turn’ he ‘sings’ Maggie May. Nicky used to be married to a Rod Stewart impersonator. I think that explains the ‘used to’.

Natalie is still in there. She will not give up without a fight. Would Fabian dare turn out her light?! Not if he values his life he wouldn’t. He claims he can see something in her aura. Yes, that’s that stalker thing we’ve been talking about. Natalie’s up against Kay who unfortunately is SO scouse as to be incomprehensible. Fabian seems to prefer this to Natalie’s potential to RUIN HIS LIFE though. I doubt either of them will get out the building alive.

Our first recap now and it was Silkie the bizarre rapper who everyone loved. He chose Holly Jay. She wished he hadn’t. It’s safe to say they won’t be doing it again.

Darren from London thinks he’s Thierry Henry. He’s not, he’s a City wideboy. Who claims Grease is his favourite film. Which is a blatant LIE to try and snare a laydee.

Proving my initial reaction correct, he wanders out in a Henry France kit. Which is the extent of his talent apparently. It seems to have confused enough of the laydeez into thinking he is an Actual Footballer. He narrows it down to Mel C and Gail Platt – Laura C and Celine. He obviously liked the Spice Girls and picks Melaura C.

Alice and Dan went on holiday. He was scared of heights, she didn’t like him like that. It was unspoken that it was mainly because he was ginger and wore a stupid Olly Murs hat.

The last guy out, Tristan, dresses like he thinks he’s 20 years younger than he actually is. He’s obviously on for the older laydeez. He’s a pest controller – that’s a catch of a job. He lives with his gay lover, sorry, WING MAN, Markus. Jo Jo thinks it’s weird but still has her light on. She hasn’t turned it off once. We meet Markus a little more and it becomes abundantly clear that Tristan and Markus are in a mutual love-in that he cannot admit to.

Lights out.

Comments

1. John says:

   January 2, 2011 at 4:22 pm

   So you’re a bit of an idiot arnt you?? Nothing good to say about anyone?
   Love to see you being so amazing at life like you think you are, oh no wait, you spend your life writing blogs. Cool.
2. shoutingatco.ws says:

   January 2, 2011 at 5:47 pm

   I say nice things all the time. Like “thanks” to your mum, etc. Sel, on the other hand, she’s mean. Like *really* mean. Kicks puppies in her spare time. Not that she has any spare time, because it takes her chuffing hours to write anything. Anyway, thanks for reading and stuff.
3. This Reality Podcast (Bren) says:

   January 2, 2011 at 6:16 pm

   This show is so retarded if it was a puppy it would be drowned at birth. And that’s the absolute nicest thing I can say about it.
4. Ian says:

   January 3, 2011 at 9:41 am

   If u don’t like it don’t watch it! Hope u have a sad 2011 cos I’m sure the people on take me out will have a great one! Haha! Happy watching for the next few months glad u got nothing better to do than watch Tmo on ur Saturday evening! O n I love the way u illustrated the word ‘haggard’ by putting a picture of ur face on here! No likey!!
5. David Lusby says:

   January 3, 2011 at 9:46 am

   John(up there ^^) is way too cool and good at life to do something pointless such as writing a funny blog.
   He just spends his time doing awesome things like leaving snidey comments on other people’s blogs!
   (I suppose we could be grateful he didn’t write “First! LOLZ!!1!” or something…)
6. Wardy says:

   January 4, 2011 at 12:20 pm

   Bloody Sel nicking my hate mail.

Leave a Reply