It’s the Most Wonderful Time of The Year…! Yes – Take Me Out is into its second series, and we’re onto episode two!

More single lads will try and impress The Gaggle to win a date, and we’ll see how last week’s daterers…datees…. dates… went!
Hosted by the ‘Love Butcher’ himself, Paddy McGuinness. He’ll guide us through, with the Most Northern Voice on TV™.

And here come the girls, including friend of this blog, Heidi! Some appear to be in fancy dress, but surely some of these lovely ladies will be successful in their hunt for a date.

Poor Jo Jo (which Paddy pronounces as Giorgio) has been single for 2 years, 5 months and 17 days, drawing ‘aww’s from the audience. Paddy moves onto Heidi: “Heidi Hi!” Brilliant, Paddy. Heidi likes “younger guys” and is “a bit of a cougar” and therefore definitely this blog’s favourite. Right, on with the show!

James - whose neck is bigger than most of the girls’ waists - from Middlesborough is out of the Love Lift first. Six lights are off immediately, but Geordie girl Joanne is a fan of our Jim.

James’ video shows he’s a boxer. Which makes it two blokes out of five so far this series who fight and he loses more lights. He’s also a doorman but is “soft on the inside”. Seven lights still on, including little Jo Jo, who is also from ‘Boro, and Cougar Heidi.

Next, James’ sister Katherine appears on the screen to probably stitch him right up. “James likes to relax in the bath listening to his beloved Michael Bolton.”

BOOM: all lights are off. You will NOT get a date if you like Michael Bolton. Paddy says he prefers a “Bublé bath” which is a better joke than you’ll read here.

Lad #2 is Dan from Manchester – 12 lights off immediately. Chelsea says he looks “classy…like an old man.” Dan looks genuinely pissed off by that.

On to Dan’s video: “You’ll have noticed I’m a redhead, a gingernut, fantapants…” “I’d like to be a physics teacher. It’s a bit geeky but I’d like to show kids…” LIGHT OFF. He likes karaoke. Right, so he’s a very defensive ginger physics teacher who likes karaoke? He’s on an uphill struggle here, but still eight lights on. Now Dan is doing line dancing, as if he hadn’t made it hard enough for himself. Three lights still on. He definitely has a date! Backstage James is punching puppies into the sun. Dan picks Alice, and off they go!

Now it’s time to catch up with Danny and Vicky from last week, to see if they got drunk and had a fumble. Vicky turns up completely orange… we’re sure last week she was a dark brunette. Vicky’s tit fell out. Seriously. They greet each other for the first time and her boob pops out. Not on TV, but Danny saw it. They go parasailing or whatever, that thing when you’re on a parachute behind a boat, you know, when… VICKYS ARSE FALLS OUT.

Jesus, Vicky aint having much luck. First her breasts, now her bum. Danny again sees it. They go for dinner, and the romance dies. She talks too much, and he loves himself. Vicky says she’d like something romantic to happen as she’s never gone out with a guy from Reading before. I heard that sentence 10 minutes ago and I still don’t know what to make of it. I imagine most girls haven’t been out with a guy from Reading before. Is Reading classed as exotic to Scousers? So, we won’t be buying a hat this time.

Couple #2 from last week: Alistair and another new friend of the blog, Hooty McBo… Alesha! They meet up and seem to fancy each other, before heading off horseriding. We hope Alesha is well…um…supported…She’s got her mind on other things as their guide is an attractive topless man. Alistair feels a tad inadequate.

Sparks begin to fly and our Scot likes to throw in “a cheeky innuendo now and then”. IN YOUR ENDO… Yeah…We don’t hear any of these innuendos so I’m just going to make up that he said that she “looks like a good rider” and “likes to have a beast between her legs”. I imagine he said that. They chat about the toy he gave her and have a bit of kiss…ooooohhh. They’re going to see each other again! Take Me Out wedding on the cards! Paddy – it’s hat-buying time!

Lad #3 is out! Look everyone, it’s Samson from Hertfords…wait, Samson?! Only one light off. He’s a popular chap. A Samson and Delilah reference goes over everyone’s head before his promo video. He used to be a model and is now an architect. Thankfully no one turns their light off when he says he does charity work.

He likes “the kind and considerate type”, so Kayleigh turns her light off…”I’m not kind or considerate, so he deserves someone better”, refreshingly honest. Oh no, Scat are both lightless! “He’s too good looking” says, er… Sam…? Probably. Name-lover Abi-Scarlett turned off cause of the word “arkytechur… it’s a bit complicated for me. But then I saw your charity work and I wish I left it on”… Silly Abi! The girls love this guy and Paddy slaps a bald guy’s head in the audience. No, really.

It’s Sammy’s turn to get stitched up, this time by his co-workers on a makeup counter. Oh. We thought he was a proper arkytekt? He’s got loads of lights left though so decides to go on a date with Miss Hertfordshire, Amy!

Until next week!

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