I’m A Celebrity 2010: Episode 19 Recap by Bren

Disclaimer: what the hell are we going to do when this series has finished?

Episode 19/Day 21

Here are today’s headlines:

• The end is in sight!
• I get sick of mountages montages
• The TV producers are really, really really shit

The show begins – IT FUCKING BEGINS – with a fucking bastard montage. ITV set the standard for televisual excellence, for this show, firmly in the dunny. I’m already looking forward to the first use of the word ‘journey’. I reckon Ant will be the first person to use it. I’m also betting it’ll be used four times.

Ant or Dec, losers

Meanwhile, down in the jungle, it is still raining. Ant or Dec introduce the show, most of the rejected slebs sit on benches behind them. Who is missing? That nice Mr Havers. Panto in Birmingham must be a big attraction. Ant or Dec tell us that Shauno and Stace face a live Bushtucker Trial and then the titles roll.

Havers, loser

After the titles and another brief intro we experience the second montage of the night. And to make matters worse, this one is mindfuckingly dull. Jesus. I’m not sure there’s anyone in charge of this show any more. I think the show is barrelling down the track like an out of control, unmanned train. I briefly wonder if Denzel Washington is waiting, out-of-shot, to parachute in to the camp to rescue Shaun and Stacey before the show hits the buffers at the end of the line.

Linford, loser

Mercifully this montage doesn’t last very long. We then see Stacey and Shaun enjoying last night’s last meal in captivity. And in payment for that excellent nosh-up, our final two slebs have to face one last challenge, the Bush Spa (as made famous by Dean Gaffney). Stacey gets loads of wildlife down her cleavage.

Aggro, loser

Shaun gets to shove his head in a box that could have every form of wildlife inside it. Shaun’s evidently not hungry. He keeps his gob shut and lets everything live. I have a massive, massive amount of respect for the bravery that Shaun and Stacey have shown this evening.

Kayla, loser

But, as we all know, there can only be one winner. And that is… ITV. And to prove it, after the next set of commercials we get… another mindfuckinglydull montage. There is more filla than poly in the jungle tonight. Amongst the musical artists who got their work aired in this montage are (but not limited to) Katy Perry and Take That. Have we uncovered the true sponsors of IACGMOOH – the music industry? Is that the reason for all these repeats montages?

Britt, loser

After the next set of commercials Ant or Dec welcome S&S to the main presentation area. They are welcomed, seated around the table, given a tall glass of something that resembles, but presumably isn’t, pony piss and then we get… ANOTHERFUCKINGMONTAGE. Jesus. I don’t know how much the producer for this show is paid, but if it’s a penny over £28,000.00/year, it’s £28,000.01 too much.

Sheryl, loser

After a few words with Shaun we then get… Shaun’s montage. Then, after a few words with Stacey, we get Stacey’s montage.

Gillian, loser

How much original footage did we get in tonight’s hour-long show? Maybe 18 minutes. This is utterly disgusting. After Stacey’s montage we cut back to a brief talkie-segment around the table and then we get… another montage. FuckoffITVyoupisstakingtwats! Then we get another talkie bit and then… another montage. Thankfully the adverts intervene. Whew, that’s a relief!

Lembit, loser

We are welcomed back to the jungle where Ant uses ‘journey’. The usual whistly music with clicky bits plays out and the result is announced. The winner of this year’s I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! is…
Stacey Solomon.

Shaun, not a loser

She cries, actually cries. Real tears.
It’s a deserving win for Stace. Shaun is genuinely pleased for her. And so are we.

Stacey, winner!

Thanks for sticking with us during this series.

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