I’m A Celebrity 2010: Episode 16 Recap by Bren

Disclaimer: When I was thinking I’d like to see Stacey wet, I didn’t have rain in mind…

Episode 16/Day 18

Here are today’s headlines:

• There’s a tea-leaf in the camp
• Shaun’s moobs are enormous
• It’s still raining in Oz

Merde, il pleut. Dom shouts at the rain in a hitherto untested attempt to get the stuff to stop falling down. If you get just a frisson of enjoyment from the discomfort of others, this is hilarious. The weariness in Dom’s voice makes it even funnier. After a night of full-on pleuting, the outback inhabitants look wonderfully pissed off. If you ever need something to pick you up after a shit day at work, this is it. If you have recorded the first 15 minutes, do not delete it. Ever.

From a non-meteorological point of view, human crisis-point is reached as Kayla transmutes from being a family-sized package of eye-candy, into whining twat from Cuntsville. She’s never really settled since poogate, everything seems to be a tickle of irritation now. A point of friction – the curious case of the missing cereal bar - arises. This bizarrely trivial issue causes friction between Kayla and Dom, but is it just me that sees this friction as a symptom of a deeper problem? Dom and Kayla should just get on to the couch and shag it out of their systems. And we should watch. For scientific reasons.

come and get me, big boy

Even though Shaun has the track record of theft, it seems obvious that Aggro ate the missing cereal bar; he has guilty hair. Besides, Dom and Kayla should just jump each other. Dom says they have nothing in common apart from toast, and they’ve had that conversation. I think the only way to ease things between the pair of them is to get jiggy with it.

The solo challenge is called Stars in Their Pies. The slebs figure out ‘it’s an eating one’. Shaun and Stacey draw straws to see who will be doing the eating. Stacey wins her place in the challenge, chivalry is officially dead and buried in the Aussie Outback. The trial involves Stace being conveyed down a production line in an open pie dish that resembles a child’s fairground ride. As Stace processes down the production line, things are dropped on her. Wet things. Stacey gets covered in wet things and we see a lot of her cleavage. She has wet boobs. This, my friends, is a wankfest. Set to music.

Unfortunately the music the production crew have chosen is ‘Danse Macabre’ by Saint-Saëns. The brains behind the show are unaware that ‘Danse Macabre’ is set in a graveyard, where Death calls the deceased from their graves to dance until dawn as he plays his violin. Or perhaps I’m wrong and Saint-Saëns (1835-1921) actually wrote Danse Macabre about a conveyor belt in a pie factory? No, I don’t think so either. So a big 0/10 to the production crew for being fucking numbskulls and chosing the most inappropriate piece of music ever.

But Stacey’s spattered chest looks magnificent. As does her wet bum when she gets out of the pie at the end of the wankfest. Only at Shouting At Cows do you get educated in classical music and rampant lechery! Ant or Dec’s post-pie humour gets a deserving 9/10 on the chuckleometer.

Inventors of the Chuckleometer

Afer a much of tea and a bunch of commercials, we are whizzed back to more post wet-dream wet-night misery. Kayla declares she is a rough, tough, strong gurrrl. Who is on the verge of tears and isn’t cut out for getting pissed on. By the rain, you dirty-minded beast. She’s feeling the strain of not having her daily massage from Linford. Dom’s ‘I think at times like this, we all need to think… what would Lembit do?’ gets laughs from both corners of the couch. If Lembit doesn’t get off my couch soon, there’s going to be ructions, that’s all I’m saying. I still think Dom and Kayla should get at it.

Shaun and Dom perform the Chest Challenge. Shaun has to use a walkie-talkie. Always say ‘over’ says Dom. Except Shaun can’t use it. He can’t figure out how to operate a push-to-talk switch. It’s embarassing to watch. In a good way. Eventually Shauny does get the hang of it, but Dom prompts him to say ‘over’ at the end of each sentence, over. Shaun calls Aggro, over. Aggro says who’s there, over. Shaun says it’s Shaun, over. Argos says Shaun who, over? Dom shouts ‘Shaun fucking Connery, over’. Aggro is terminally stupid, over. Dom telling Shaun things, over, when neither of them is actually communicating via walkie-talkie, over, is hilarious, over.

Dom and Jenny have a brief discussion on maturity vs immaturity in the camp. Dom asks the pivotal (and totally set-up by the producers) question: ‘Who is Tinchy Strider, and why should we care?’ Indeed, Dom, why should we care? Ant or Dec sums it up brilliantly: ‘We should care who Tinchy Strider is, because in two years time he’s going to be on this show’. True.

a future contestant on the show

The slebs are forced to play a game called Letters from Home. This is the harshest challenge I’ve seen any slebs put through; anyone who doesn’t succeed in this challenge will get their letter from loved ones burned before their eyes. Dom has an early go at the challenge, gets it figured out. Dom is a pure gentleman, he surrenders his letter and picks Jenny’s. In a twist of irony (or sexual connection – again?) Kayla and Dom don’t get their letters.

Ant or Dec bound in to the camp in the confidence that a full English breakfast and an unrelenting barrage of room service awaits them. The public have decided that the next person to get slung out of the rumble in the jumble jungle is…. Gaga No Sorts Angoras Togs. Vamos!

You can follow ‘I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!’ on ITV but, let’s face it, you’d rather be reading about it here. And who can blame you.

Comments

Leave a Reply