Disclaimer: no Goodies were hurt during the watching of this show
Episode 11/Day 13
It’s eviction night. Again. It’s raining in the outback. Again. And it’s Bushtucker Challenge time. Again.
Britt is excluded from the challenge on the grounds of being Swedish. With a minimum of pushing from Dom, Allison and Jenny go forwards to Starbucks Starbugs. The challenge is to drink a variety of smoothied Australian wildlife. The girls from Bridge Street, Sydney will be v.nervous!
The goodies that were on offer included:
Allison and Jenny return with 8 out of 11 possible stars, Kayla is so excited she puts her bum on show by performing knee-bends in an arse-sticking-right-out-in-an-unnecessary-kind-of-way, while wearing the skimpiest pair of skimpy shorts ever.
The only thing that concerns me is that she’s been wearing those shorts for a week.
The producer gives us a brief insight to how one particular relationship is developing. ‘If Gillian was my wife, she’d be in pieces in plastic bags in a deep hole in the back garden.’ Who said that? Shaun, obv.
In another relationship-based challenge, Kayla is forced to ride a motorised animal. With Lembit. By enduring his company for what seems like weeks, a key is lowered to Kayla’s grasp. The key will open a nearby chest. Kayla declares that she can’t wait to bring her chest back to the camp. Mmmm… Lembit feels the challenge has brought him and Kayla closer together. Only in LembitWorld™.
Inside the chest is a challenge. Our Jungleurs have to guess which of them has been the most researched via the website google.co.uk. Dom guesses correctly, and then has to spend 10 minutes pushing everyone else in to line. What this demonstrates is that while Dom is superbright, there are others, in the Outback, who are less intelligent.
The answer to the question is, naturally, Gillian McKeith. When the answer was revealed, it seemed to me that Gillian looked thrilled. I’m not sure that being the most googled person is a good thing, Gillian!
As a reward for getting the answer right, several bags of of bar-food are shared out. ‘I do like a Twiglet’, says Jenny, as if it was something really dirty. It isn’t?
After a commercial break we are shown a peculiarly false scene, in which Kayla and Britt sit in the snug having a chat. Britt and Kayla don’t look comfortable together. Britt dishes some very average dirt on the late Peter Sellers in what felt like a contrived piece of television. Their dialogue was stilted, and their body language lacked the same degree of mutual comfort that we saw between them yesterday. Have we been force-fed something that was set up and filmed a week ago? I believe so. Meanwhile a nation yawns.
To relieve us from the tedium, Dom and Stace are given a comedy secret mission. They attend a Mission Impossible-style briefing where they are told to play devil’s advocate amongst their campmates. By letting off stink-bombs, draining the water bags and telling everyone they love them, they’ll win goodies!
Dom sneakily letting off stink bombs in the camp was 137.8% pure, unadulterated, comedy. There wasn’t a dry seat in the house. Stacey and Dom sabotaging the water was a moment of panto brilliance.
Later, Ant or Dec sneak in to the camp to reveal that, for the second time in recent years, Lembit is the victim of the (un)popular vote and is now an ex-junglist. There seems to be a tear in his eye as he walks the bridge of shame. I actually fall asleep during the montage of his ‘best bits’.
You can follow ‘I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!’ on ITV but, let’s face it, you’d rather be reading about it here. And who can blame you.