The Apprentice’s Simon Smith by shoutingatco.ws

The Apprentice

When, back in 2005, BBC Two bought the rights to remake the Donald Trump-fronted reality show The Apprentice, nobody could have seen how it would take off. Six years and six series later, it’s a staple on BBC1, what with it being shown in HD and the genuine excitement from the press. “You’re fired!” is as much a catchphrase as “Garlic bread” and other, more rubbish catchphrases. It’s even had the honour of a rubbish ITV copy (Tycoon with the giant Peter Jones, off of Dragon’s Den.)

But what’s it like to be in front of the camera? Having your career dismantled, edited and aired to millions – only to have Alan Sugar bellow in your face when you inevitably get it wrong? We recently had a chance to put some questions to Simon Smith – star of the fourth series of The Apprentice - and find out what went on in his brain as he faced the boardroom, Lord Sugar and selling seafood…

Simon’s team – Renaissance – won just one of the first three tasks, so he stepped up as Project Manager in a photography task. He admits: I was off to a loser because I wasn’t good enough.

Viewers just want to see the losers squirm and suffer. The bastards.

Back in those days, Lord Sugar was only Sir Alan, but was still too busy and important to follow the candidates around London. That job was left to the glorious Nick Hewer and Margaret Mountford, who effortlessly stalked and peered in the background while the candidates got on with it.

My company now install his AMScreen Digital Media product (which is excellent by the way) and that all started with a friendly chat between Lee McQueen and me over lunch, two and a half years ago. Real business does get done off the back of The Apprentice.

And how did he get on with the other candidates?

I got on with pretty much everyone. I’ve met every single one of them at sometime or another over the last three years, but Claire Young and I are the closest and meet the most often. Lee’s always busy, although I did go to his wedding. A few of us get together from time to time, sometimes with candidates from other series. It’s like a big inner circle of former Apprentices!

Series winner Lee McQueen was caught out in a small lie on his CV, but Simon agrees with Lord Sugar’s decision to hire him: I couldn’t give two fucks about Lee’s CV and nor did Lord Sugar. He fully deserved to win that show, end of.

Up to my elbows in fish entrails on Angel Market!

The adjustment period must be absolutely crazy post-show: filming takes place at least six months before the series airs, and all candidates are sworn to secrecy, while having to look for a real job.

Oh, actually, that’s not quite true – I wrote an online diary of my experiences and they threatened me with legal action, so I had to take it down!

Of course, the show is edited to be as entertaining as possible – watching a handful of people quietly and intelligently getting on with their job will never be as fun as seeing two morons bellowing in each other’s faces in front of a customer.

But does he regret the experience?  How can you really regret an experience like that? No, I’d go through a process like that all over again, but would prefer it not to be on the TV. That was the bit I hated. I honestly just wanted Sir Alan’s job, I never had any plans to put on a silver Lycra boiler suit afterwards and have Dale Winton shout “BRING ON THE WALL!” at me.

I honestly just wanted Sir Alan’s job

I’m a Project Manager in the 40% tax bracket now – without the show I reckon I’d still be a man in a van, but I still can’t get used to the recognition. It’s really quite disconcerting when you’re doing some high level negotiations with IBM, Vodafone or Sony and someone leaps up from a table as you’re about to sign a contract and points and yells “You’re the bloke that fucked up the photos in Bluewater!”. It’s a double-edged sword: for every door The Apprentice opens, it slams another one in your face.

My only regret is that my wife couldn’t handle the exposure and it ultimately cost me my marriage. She’ll never forgive me for leaving her at seven months pregnant to ‘chase the dream’. That’s the only regret I have. We’re separated now.

The general public have been pretty good to me and I’m occasionally asked to pose for a photo with some kids who are fans of the show or sign the odd autograph at West Ham.

I did get a lot of “OI! OI! SIMON! YOU’RE FIRED YOU CUNT AHAHAHAHAHAHA!” shouted at me from building sites all over London during 2008. If I had a pound for every time that happened, I’d have about nineteen quid.

Comments

Leave a Reply