We are not here to judge those who make their money from having sex on camera. If we were in a position to be surrounded by beautiful, naked people constantly, we’d probably go ahead with it.

While we’ve made every attempt to make this article safe for work, it’s at your own risk, obviously.

When you are naked on film, every single inch of your body is out there for people to see, comment on and critique. A squeezable spot. A stray hair. A weird bum. These people don’t have the same crippling insecurities as us, and are too in need of money or drugs to care.

In fact, some of them will make it worse for themselves by getting a tattoo. The worst tattoo I ever saw in real life was a guy with Bart Simpson on his leg. Bart Simpson naked. Bart Simpson with an erection. I hated him, and I hope he is sued by Fox and has to have his leg amputated.

Here are five porn performers that don’t care what people think of their tattoos. They’ve made an ill-advised decision and they’re going to stick with it, right up until the point that laser surgery becomes an affordable option.

Whoa! Her stockings are really skin-tight and see through. Hold on a minute – what a jape! They’re not stockings at all! They’re her legs!

Lucky Fiona. To be reminded time and time again that this chap is deeply in love with you. Brilliantly, the tattoo is placed where it can only be seen when he’s naked, so you only get the full benefit when he’s sticking it in someone. Presumably not Fiona.

Let’s fast forward forty years. This girl is now a grandmother, and one of the grandkids catches sight of a wee bit of writing on her back. “What does that say, nana?” The little boy asks. And she is brought back in time to 2010, when she was bent over a bed with a disgusting old guy who smells faintly of cigarettes taking her from behind while shouting, “yeah, who’s daddy’s little girl now, bitch?” And she realises an important lesson: It’s not the amount of time it takes to perform the act, it’s the amount of time it takes to forget.

Pictures of bullets! How hard he must be! If only he had some sort of meat gun… oh, very clever! Shame the gun is smaller than the bullets. It’s blanked out here, obviously, but trust us. We’ve seen it. As a bonus, this guy is so stupid that he doesn’t realise his job is being paid to fuck, and is now serving life imprisonment for rape. What a fucking idiot.

This is amazing: A Lord of the Rings fan, as this says “One ring to rule them all”. In Elvish. Around her ringpiece. We have nothing to add, we’re in awe.