Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner by shoutingatco.ws

Imagine, for a moment, that you’re not a bitter, twisted Internet type, and that you’ll be socialising with other people. Horrible thought, but stick with me. A bunch of people in your house, sitting on your sofas and drinking your booze out of your glasses. If you need a shower, we’ll wait here for you.

Your party can’t just be a collection of people sitting around looking awkwardly at each other, as inevitable as that is. As a generous, put-upon host, you’ll have to put on some entertainment. Maybe there’s a World Cup final, or an hour-long special of Coronation Street that you can watch. Suggest poker, and then drunkenly suggest strip poker, and laugh it off when you get death glares.

Failing this, you can get the entertainment in. Hire a hooker, or a juggler or a clown or something. But if you want the real deal, someone who will dazzle, then you can’t do anything better than a look-a-like.

That’s right. Someone who can attend your party and have a face that resembles someone off the telly. Inspired, huh? They can spend all night saying, “no, I’m not the real…” or play along in character – a hilarious David Brent dance followed by his trademark one-line motivation techniques? What could be funnier? Bowel cancer, that’s what.

Take this chap, for example:

He’s available for just £500. £500. What else could you buy for £500? 50 bottles of vodka, for one. You don’t even really know who he is, do you? You’re thinking, perhaps, “he looks a bit like…” But he doesn’t. He could be fucking anybody. £500 for someone with a face to turn up at your party and not be Bradley Walsh.

That’s right, £529.40 including VAT for a lookalike of Bradley Walsh to show up at your house for four hours. A quick Google search shows that a stripper is only about £100. Five naked women, or a man who resembles the presenter of “Win, Lose or Draw”?

What’s he going to do? Tell anecdotes about not being on Corrie and not presenting Wheel of Fortune. The hilarious time he didn’t meet Jenny Powell and a contestant didn’t get a name hilariously wrong. HILARIOUS. He’s a bloke. Probably a really nice bloke (aside: I bet he’s a knob.)

His website profile says:

Here is Corrie Star Bradley Walsh lookalike Paul O’Brien. With Bradley a huge star of Coronation Street and also being a naughty boy in the street messing up his son’s relationship with his girlfrien Bradley has suddenly become hot property since he left his seaside comedy routine behind and decided to become a soap actor.

and then has the fucking temerity to ask:

Why not book Paul as Bradley for your next Coronation Street party?

Because Bradley Walsh’s “An Evening With…” tour is only twenty quid a ticket. But frankly, who even gives a shit what he has to say? Nobody, that’s who.

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