Over the course of nine years, Seinfeld became one of the most popular sit-coms of all time. Despite winning Golden Globes and more Emmys than you can fit in a hooker’s cock-pouch, Seinfeld never really gained the recognition that it deserved. Until now.

New Sensations have finally seen the gap in the market. Sure, Jerry and Elaine dated in Seinfeld, but we never saw that. Never saw their time together. Never saw that time she stripped and Jerry took her from behind. Until now.

Seinfeld: A XXX Parody is the grammatically annoying feature for those who like jokes with their strokes. It even, amazingly, opens with “Gerry” (which is apparently different enough from “Jerry” to not get them sued, especially since they pronounce the G as in “God” or “Give up”) doing a stand-up routine. “What’s the deal… with pornography?”

What is the deal…. with old TVs?

The film is an homage to the Soup Nazi episode, which is a weird thing for any porno to set out to achieve. In the usual subtle way of these things, he’s not a Soup Nazi – but a Porn Nazi. Ask for your all-girl, all-anal, all-alien, all-American-rejects porn in the wrong way, and he’ll throw you out empty handed. So to speak. Crammer, who is modelled on George or Elaine or something, decides that the best thing to do is to make his own porn film. Flawless victory.

There’s actually a lot of effort gone into this, especially recreating Jerry’s apartment – sorry, Gerry’s apartment and Jason Alexander’s beady-eyedness. Crammer tries his best, but for some reason, watching two people having sex while he slides around on the wooden floors is really jarring and ever so slightly completely fucking weird.

Gerry is dating a girl who orgasms constantly, which he jokes about to the approval of canned laughter. Honestly, canned laughter. “What’s the deal… with orgasms?”

No Soup, er, Porn for you!


Luckily, everything probably works out just fine in the end, with some big, wacky, sticky conclusion. And poor Gorge doesn’t even get any.

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