Over the course of nine years, Seinfeld became one of the most popular sit-coms of all time. Despite winning Golden Globes and more Emmys than you can fit in a hooker’s cock-pouch, Seinfeld never really gained the recognition that it deserved. Until now. New Sensations have finally seen the gap in the market. Sure, Jerry and Elaine dated in Seinfeld, but we never saw that. Never saw their time together. Never saw that time she stripped and Jerry took her from behind. Until now. Seinfeld: A XXX Parody is the grammatically annoying feature for those who like jokes with their strokes. It even, amazingly, opens with “Gerry” (which is apparently different enough from ...

When I chose a football team to support, it was a no-brainer. Coventry City were the closest team to me growing up, so I supported them. Unlike arsewipes like Paddy Kieltey and James Nesbitt, I didn’t just arbitrarily pick the team at the top of the league and bang on about “us” as though they were born and bred in Manchester and aren’t just diving on some bandwagon. It’s as though they’re playing a game with cheats on – when they cheer a goal, there’s nothing behind it, there’s no reason to get excited. The point I’m making is that when Coventry play, there’s no expectation, no hope, nothing to get excited about – the best I hope ...

Previously on Junior Apprentice: Flogging, fighting and fannying. They open by meeting Sir Alan at an aquarium at about 7.30am, when we suspect it’s not actually open. Hewer looks like he can jimmy a lock though, so they manage to sneak in and glare at the sharks. Their task is to sell bottled water by creating a brand, bottle, TV advert, jingle and pitch it to Industry Experts. But with this being the final episode, the folks that got fired are back, and lined up ready to be picked for either team. Nawty Adam is back, and the LAD quotient increases a million fold, while first week’s fired twat Jordan De Courcy is last to be picked, and stands looking increasingly uncomfortable ...

Last week on Junior Apprentice: Art, arrogance and arseholes. The task opens in Amsterdam, which leads the teams to consider all the things that they’d do over there: Tim puts on a rubbish Dutch accent and Emma would sell windmills and clogs. If Adam hadn’t been sent home the other day, he’d probably have gone on a three-week drugs and hookers binge culminating in a vomiting experience over the Anne Frank museum and a hasty cover-up with Nick Hewer to prevent a diplomatic incident. They arrive in a Dragon’s Den-esque warehouse to be confronted by a serious looking Hewer, Karren Brady and a video recording of Alan, because he can’t be arsed to fly out. Who can blame him, KLM are rubbish. ...

Channel 4 have released a list of all the prospective Big Brother contestants. Here's our ten favourite random facts, and ten favourite photos. Random Fact: Plays West Indian steel drums and says he’s the world sexiest fat man. Random Fact: Was a millionaire for 6 weeks after he sold his first company before the Stock Market crashed. Random Fact: Works as a Beyonce lookalike at corporate events, claims to look in the mirror around 100 times a day “ checking I’m still hot”. Random Fact: A former Playboy Bunny who has spent over £500, 000 on plastic surgery. Random Fact: Organiser of much publicised extreme Christian Event ‘Sloshfest’, claims he travels through time and space in the spirit realm and the weirdest ...

GQ are running a competition for the most stylish man in Britain. And by "stylish", for some reason, they mean "twattish". Fancy bowling around in pyjamas, trousers that are too short and a sodding blazer? Brilliant, this is for you. Here's our top ten biggest planks from the list.

Every exciting thing that's ever happened on Emmerdale documented right here:

Previously on Junior Apprentice: Cupcakes, cock-ends and crap cupcake costumes. The children of the damned arrive at the David Beckham Academy for the most tenuous of reasons: the academy is there to spot the talent of the future, and that’s what they’ll be doing. With art. “I wonder if David will be there”, muses one contestant. She’s disappointed. There’s no David Beckham. Instead, there’s a crotchety old midget in a suit, there to bark orders at them like a pissed off hedgehog. Tim, the wolf-man that shirks responsibility at every opportunity, is project managing midget Kirsty and eerie blonde Hannah. He’s not happy about being PM, and later complains that he was forced to make all the awkward decisions. The poor sod. The ...

The Human Centipede (First Sequence), then. The “First Sequence” appendage does mean that like the Matrix or a dodgy curry, this movie will definitely be back for more. Yes, it’s the first of a trilogy. Excited? The film centres around a mental German doctor that is bored of splitting up Siamese twins, and decides to stick people together. He takes three people – two vaguely hot American girls that break down improbably right outside his house – and a Japanese guy, and sort of stitches them together. How? I hear you not asking at all. Mouth to anus. Who said the movies aren’t all about glamour? Yes, it’s riotously disgusting, and the entire thing is ...