Summer sports traditionally include running, jumping, kicking a football and drinking until 4am then having an unsatisfactory time with a stranger. Not for us, though. While the rest of the world is running around celebrating the World Cup, we’ll be dragging our pasty arses out onto the streets to play some alternative summer games.
Things like…
Flag Twat!
A game that can be played throughout any period of England playing football, St. George’s Day, the Queen’s birthday and in most areas full of wacky racists. For some reason, the berks adorn their cars with England flags. Big flapping flags of fanny-faced fuckheadery.
To play, simply use your eyes to look at other cars, and shout “flag twat” when you see one. Easy!
The only way this deviates even slightly is when you see one of the uber-bellends with more than one flag. Then you bellow “double flag twat!” “Triple flag twat!” “Quadruple flat twat!” “Five, uh, ble flag twat!”
Probably best not to do this when the windows are wide open, or if you’re in a convertible.
Thong Snooker
One of the few benefits of summer are that people generally wear less clothes. While sadly this does include middle-aged, overweight Geordies flashing their tits at every opportunity (AND THAT’S JUST THE MEN!!!!!! LOL!!!) it also means that the better women will wear t-shirts and sometimes crop-tops. God this makes me sound horrendous.
Anyway, the idea of the game is to keep an eye out for anyone who is flashing their underwear. Like this:
You then get the same number of points as that colour is worth in the tedious pseudo-sport of snooker. One point for red, six for pink, seven for black and so on. You’re winning points for looking at arses! Unfortunately, you lose four points for (s)potting a white, and if it turns out that it was a mistake looking at their arse in the first place, you should probably keep quiet.
Since this has all been a bit underwhelming, here’s a cool picture of Anna Friel that I found during my fourteen day image search for thongs.
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