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- “A nice firm pair of baps” – Prostitute Reviews
“A nice firm pair of baps” – Prostitute Reviews by shoutingatco.ws
The Internet has changed everything. Minor characters from Eastenders that crop up in other TV shows can be identified with a quick search on IMDB. No longer do you have to wonder what two girls eating shit and vomiting on each other would look like. And product reviews are everywhere. Everything from YouTube videos to books are rated and reviewed by the general population of idiots.
Brilliantly, this review system also extends as far as prostitutes. Yup, no longer do you have to worry that the blow job you’re paying for is impersonal and she acts revolted as you shoot your seed into her sad, unwilling mouth. Or that the photo of an 18 year old model on the phonebox card isn’t actually from the 70s. And a snap of her daughter.
Punternet is a rather wonderful site that collates reviews of visits to prostitutes. At the time of writing, they have 97,000 reviews over the course of 11 years – that’s a charming 25 visits a day.
Their own stats let us know that:
Since PN first went online, 94909 Field Reports have been published
They cost the punters a total of £12,198,216
The average cost per visit was £129
The most cock-hardy chap goes by the name of The Godfather, and has spent an astounding £30,000 over nine years and 249 hooker visits. What a busy chap he is.
The busiest lady on the site is “Barbie” of West London, who has had a lovely 204 fake orgasms for a series of horny chaps. At an average of £102 a pop, too!
The best part of Punternet is the reviews themselves. Each chap, after going out and getting their willy wet with a stranger, will return to his computer and furiously type out a hundred words or so detailing the experience.
You can find out all about the average whore’s apartment:
Flat itself isn’t that nice though. The room was small and rather cramped. Clothes went on the floor.
About the girl herself:
Not unattractive but not as nice as described in other reports. She has a nice firm pair of baps and her bum is ok but I didn’t find her very well proportioned. She has a slight belly and kept her camisole rolled down over her belly area. Hair seemed unnatural so wouldn’t be surprised if she had false hair.
And the experience:
She came across as a friendly girl and though I wasn’t really bowled over by her looks I thought I’d try her for the hour and parted with £150. In hindsight it wasn’t worth it. £100 would have been suffice for the hour.
No owo and cim is out of the question. She covered me up and gave a fairly decent bj and then had some energetic intercourse in mish and doggy.
Shagged her well and she took a good pounding.
Was spent and so lay on the bed for a while and chatted with sonata before cleaning up. Wasn’t up for a second round though she did ask me. I didn’t find the lady attractive enough to undergo the same thing again.
Lovely, huh? Especially the impenetrable (ha) array of acronyms that will be instantly familiar to the hooker connoisseur.
Good effort from Christina. Wouldn’t return as she is a smoker and smelt strongly of tobacco and I have a list of many other beauties to see.
How about a shag that’s like trying to masturbate over the 10 minute freeview?
Towards the end of the session there was a knock on the door similar to what you hear when you are running towards finishing time in a parlour. She alerted me that time had finished, though I still had 8 minutes left according to my watch.
Approximately 2 minutes later there was another rude knock on the door which was very irritating.
I was rather annoyed by this and got dressed. The knocks on the door indicated that perhaps Janette may not be independent and there is probably some third person may be managing her affairs.
Janetta is a nice woman but I wouldn’t return as I was rather annoyed towards the end and it ruined what could have been a very good punt.
Either this is a shy hooker, or he’s gross:
Wasn’t too keen on having her tits played with. Made it clear she doesn’t kiss (not that I’d want to kiss her) and afraid to use her tongue anywhere on my body despite me beng clean and well groomed. Asked for some nipple licking. “Sorry but I dont do that.”
I had a feeling that it’d be a disaster from then on. Asked for some owo. Half heartedly licked the shaft off my penis and used a wipe to clean the tip. Even then, she was afraid to give a decent bj and just moved her tongue around the edges.
Brilliantly, there’s a search engine on the site that lets you filter only the reports from people who had a bad experience. Someone who’d decided to shell out a bit, have a bit of excitement rather than another mundane wank, spent hours scouring the net for a beautiful girl, gone to a cashpoint, turned up at her house, and left half an hour later with a lighter wallet and a sense of shame.
perhaps i caught the lady on a bad day, but she seemed very pissed off, and hardly said a word to me apart from “dont do that”, she also seemed very nervous and was constantly looking out of the window, as soon as i had my clothes off she was rubbing me urging me to shoot, to cut a long story short i never even got an erection and left after 15 mins, my advice is you can get an awfull lot more for your money (£80) than this, still you learn by your mistakes, at least you can learn by mine
She returned and proceeded to try to raise more than my smile. Put the condom on and started oral with. At that point she stopped to listen out to, surprise, surpise, her old man coming in from work.
So it was the classic, take the money, rip off the punter and make a fuss scenario. Husband was all bluster and not a real menace. I was more annoyed than worried and asked for my money back (some hope!)Then she pulled a knife and threatened to stab me. That was a bit over the top as all I wanted was to recover the balance of my account. After all, we have consumer rights!
I had to stop her after about 5 mins to explain that she neeedded to be more gentle. She immediately got very angry whether that was due to her not understanding english well enough I dont know, but she immediately announced that the session was over and no return fee. I was unhappy and said to her that as she was calling it off I expected half the fee to be returned as she had provided none of things I had requested At this point she literally attacked me punching me . I defended myself and did raise my voice , she then ran to the kitchen and pulled a knife. I threatened to call the police she put it back. I dresses and left. I then twigged that this was basically a way of getting rid of the punter without providing a service
The first round of sex was fine, her in doggie with her panties near her ankles. Even allowed me to use a dildo on her initally to arouse her.
When it came to the second round, this is when the pain began. She has a strange way of putting on the rubber, instead of rolling it on, she stretches it way out and snaps it over. Unfortunately for me, her fingers slipped and the rubber snapped rather painfully on my cock. I was in quite a bit of pain to which all she said was that i was a man and should be able to take it! To compound it, she grabbed my dick in order to help me enter her and she managed to hit some nerve in my groin causing excruciating pain! Again, no apology, she just brushed it off.
After that, I could barely become erect again. She finished me off with a handjob.
She stripped off to reveal a very skinny body, prominent veins and a srawny arse – not too bonny. I went down on her for a while, then tried to suck her toes and she lost it – ‘Oh for f*** sake hurry up!’. She then tore open a sachet of lube and rammed it up her fanny, snapped a condom on me and ordered me to shag her.
Oh well thought I, if she wants it.. Lifted her legs up over her shoulders and after a couple of strokes she starts to push me away – complaining that I am too big (bollocks). Many very careful strokes later, I eventually come, no help from Kayleigh who is in tattie sack mode.
She mouths off afterwards about cervical cancer etc. – but if she is worried about that she is in the wrong job.
After a short back rub, told me to turn over and pushed her breasts into my face. Unfortunately I mouthed them a little too roughly and she snapped, ‘Be gentle now!!!’ I apologised profusely but she was having none of it. She opened the condom packet and proceeded to force the thing onto my far from erect penis. She was very rough and when I asked her to be ‘gentle’ she said coldy, ‘Don’t like it when it happens to you do you!’
When I took her knickers off the stench hit me. Absolutely foul. Do not touch her with a bargepole. And she had the nerve to say that I wasn’t clean enough for her. Also very rough. Scratched my bell end and my back passage (probably deliberate because she was asked to stop and repeated) leaving me bleeding. Glad to squirt on her and get out. Probably left the come on her for the next poor victim as I can’t believe she washes herself between clients. Go with her at your peril
Yes Alex will take a deep BJ and yes she will endure hard penetration…. I say endure because she does not engage with you on any level, to her it is just a matter of going through the motions. This is one of those punts that promises the world but delivers a hamlet.
She used her hands frequently to block deep penetration on the BJ, I eventually got tired of trying to move them, penetration was good in doggy, but she failed to swallow on the money shot. I made the mistake of trusting her to do it, as I shot into her mouth from distance, it was spat out onto her chest.
Throughout the punt, I was not successful in trying to animate her beyond her cold mechanical stupor. When I told her she should try to look after her customers needs (within reason) to encourage a return visit, her response was ‘I don’t need you to return, I have my regulars’. This point just summarises her whole attitude.
And no I don’t look like a train wreck! I’m a professional 30something and among my previous gf’s have been fashion models.
She kept on coughing heavily threw out the service, which I wanted to end the service without upsetting her. The shag was rubbish; her muff is like a wild jungle that needed mowing and she smells.
She took off her clothes she was horrible did,nt fancy her at all. She said that my cock smelled and that I had a disease so she woul,nt give me a service. I said can I have my money back , she said that it was locked in the safe so I could not have a refund. Just went away as I did not want any trouble. [I have been for a check up and nothing wrong with me]
Kia has genital herpes, i noticed a small blister on her entrance during a reverse o and immediately confronted her, she broke down and confessed she had had this disease for 3-4 yrs. i was horrified and immediately asked to speak to the manager. far from being concerned for her patrons health she immediately threatened me with the police. BEWARE GENTLEMEN you should reasearch this STD and decide if a quick fix is really worth it. it is uncurable and would really take some explaining to the wife.
When I tried to touch her bum, I was told without uncertainties that that was not an option as “I do not like it” – and she could not believe the agency could have told me so. By that point the atmosphere was spoilt and I did not feel like hanging around, despite her attractiveness and my cash on her bedside table. She was obviously uncomfortable herself (she went as far as suggesting me a friend of hers who “does everything”…). As I left, I sent a complaint text message to the agency – I have not received any feedback yet.
Moved onto the sex, and I asked if we would be able to go again if I came – she replied yes, we can go twice, so i didn’t exercise a great deal of restraint and blew my load after about 10-15 minutes, thinking I had another fuck in the bag.
She then promply got up and had a shower, and I did the same after her. Coming back into the room we had some very awkward stilted conversation, and after a little while I asked if we could go again, to which she replied no! Her broken English was difficult to understand, but i think she was saying that she thought I had cum once during the BJ (i hadn’t – and it was pretty damn obvious I hadn’t – the condom didn’t have any spunk in it for chrissakes), and that the sex made 2, which was my lot.
Anyway, I didn’t have my watch with me, so she picked up her phone and showed me that it was 4pm – ie one hour into our 1hr 30min session. Seeing as she wasn’t willing to fuck anymore, I asked if she’d do me a dildo show, which she agreed to. After about 10 minutes she stopped abruptly, and sat back just staring at me.
I asked if there was anything more we could do for the last 15-20 minutes, to which she just replied “i don’t know”, so i decided to cut my losses and leave.
The real kicker though is that after leaving, i checked the time on my phone. It was only 3.45, whereas she’d been leading me to believe it was 4.15, so instead of having left 15 minutes early (which i could handle), she’s actually conned me into leaving 45 minutes early (when I had paid for 90). She’d also conned me out of an extra shag (saying I’d cum twice, when I’d only come once), so i felt thoroughly pissed-off on the way home.
Having sorted the money she asked if I minded her smoking Hash during the session and I said that I preferred she didn’t. This did not go down too well to say the very least, however she then proceeded to massage my back but within minutes, and not for the first time, made an excuse to leave the room. Minutes later the door flew open and there stood the inevitable boyfriend/minder/pimp demanding to know what I had said to “upset his missus” and making it clear that it was time to leave. Realising the scam albeit a little late in the day, and the presence of a second helper to back him up I duly obliged. Needless to say eighty quid the poorer.
Having now searched more fully this site, it would appear that there have been three previous reports on “Andria”. FR 16394 supplied by “sprogme” in March appears “good enough” and given that he is a regular contributor I would not doubt his reliability. That said, a closer read does indicate that he collected her and took her to “his place”. The latest FR, 19948 is a different matter. I informed her of its content when I arrived particularly the part about “wish I could have had a whole night with her”. To which her initial response was “he doe’s”. Could this therefore have been posted by the aforementioned boyfriend/minder/pimp to entice the unsuspecting? Under the circumstances I feel highly likely, especially when you then take the trouble to read the third FR 16641. The obvious moral of this sorry tale is steer well clear!
A warning to others – do not touch !! she advertised in Swindon paper as ‘sophisicated business woman’ etc.Contact made by ‘phone and text very plausible indeed sounded really nice.Arranged to meet in car park of Hotel; now I consider myself very worldy-wise and would never fall for any scam, well I’ve learned a harsh lesson from this bitch.I parked my car as agreed, she approached, got in and chatted briefly, very sweet-talking, agreed fee of £150 for 2 hours, then – could she have the money to pay for room in advance, and yes, I fell for it. I still cannot believe my own stupidity, clearly her pimp/boyfriend was around and of course she disappeared. Texted me later to say sorry-haven’t worked that out yet – why bother ? My only consolation is that at least I wasn’t ‘mugged’ by him when in room perhaps.
Straight down to business with oral – a little chat, but not much. Sucking away after having informed me at the beginning “No kissing” and “No fingering”
After a few minutes she stopped and asked “Are you going to come soon?”
I’m not one for coming in oral, so asked if we could get on to the sex to which she replied “Well you are a bit hairy” (I’m no bear, but also am not clean shaven) “I wouldn’t feel comfortable – can you imagine if i was like that it would be disgusting but i will give you oral” – gee thanks
and off she started again – but what a passion killer – i lasted about another minute before i started to wilt and told her to call it a day.
Had much more fun wanking on my own!
Chatting over a coffee in her living room I parted with the money for a 2 hour visit. We went up to the bedroom and got undressed. Then the most bizarre incident I have ever experienced occurred.
When I was fully undressed she said that the visit was over and that I had to leave and then made a phone call to a man called “babe”. “Babe” apparently was waiting close by and was to stay on the phone until I left.
Obviously part of a well worked scam and explains why she used to work in Loughborough and has recently moved to Ashby.
Pissed off and £250 lighter to the bargain
With bonus awesome reply from the hooker!
Deborah writes, “This “gentleman” and I use the term loosley, actually booked 2 hrs and 1hr 35 mins into the appointment tried to remove his condom and penetrate me bareback without me noticing. Luckily I noticed that he’d removed the condon and that it was in his hand. I had explained on the phone and during the appointment that all services are with protection only,so attempting this was out of order. I did ask him to leave and contacted my duo partner Rhia to stay on the line while I saw him from my premises. At the end of the day, all of us working girls have a right to say no, and luckily for us most of our visitors are Gent’s, but it’s the bad apples like Graham….. the author of this totally false review that make our work dangerous. I added a warning in puntingzone forums a few weeks ago to any girls that would like more details. Thankyou to all you gents that know me that have called regarding this review your support has been much appreciated. Deborah x”
Avoid this place!!! I was told it would be a 1.5 hour service and when asked how many times I could cum, she told me she would think about it.
After a 15 min hand job I came and she said thats it you can only come once.
The girl did not even have any durex so this place is just a scam for her to make big money quick.
No wonder she can afford a gold tooth. BITCH!!!!!!!!!
And, one final bout of insanity:
Firstly let me say Agency has has promised to return my money in Full. Begin by being invited in by chantelle, asked me a few questions where i worked. Then all of a sudden she ran out of the house and started shouting police, police. Anyway i went outside to see what was up and she grabbed a passer by and told him and anyone else that was listening that i was KGB spy. Oh Boy had to convince passer by chantelle was on Drugs as her eyes were wide open and scary. Managed to get away and run, but have a cut on my hand where she dug her nail into me whilst outside. I am physcially shocked and spoke to Agency boss to told me Chantelle had been robbed a few days ago and tryed to explain the situation. Unfortunately damage has now been done and can not be recommended
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I can’t for the life of me work out what “owo” means.
This might be really naive of me, but what does OWO mean? lol Is it hooker lingo?
You’ll no doubt be delighted to know that it means “Oral WithOut (a condom)”
I really have to brush up on my hooker ‘speak’. And how did YOOOU know what OWO stands for? lmao